Post # 1
As my father died a couple of months ago and our wedding is approaching, our DJ suggested we skip any sort of parent dance so that it won’t dampen the mood and I thought that was a good idea since it will already be an emotional time, understandably. We would just have my fiance and I dancing and keep it at that.
My fiance’s mother has been looking at songs or something to dance with my fiance to. My mother and my relatives all think that’s weird she would think that is ok if I am not having a dance. Isn’t the bride and her father the big deal other than the bride and groom dancing?
I feel like i’ll just be really upset if they dance a special one on one dance. I told my fiance he could dance with her of course, but it just won’t be a special one on one dance, and that everyone else will be dancing too.
But I feel like I am not sure what to think. Everyone’s saying they can’t believe she’d even think that was ok where my dad only just died a couple months ago and our wedding is around the corner.
Looking for other perspectives, what do you think? I was even figuring since our DJ said this is how it’s handled when a parent has passed away it’s not uncommon to skip a parent dance? If it’s the other way around, then what? I ask myself that, but isn’t the bride and the father more common than mother and groom, every little girl expects to be dancing with their dad at her wedding in the future..
Post # 3
Sorry to hear about your dad passing so recently. but I dont think your FMIL should skip the dance with her son because of it.
Post # 4
I’m sorry for your loss. I think that you should go with the DJ’s recommendation and skip the special parent dances altogether. Your FMIL should understand if you explain to her that having a special, separate dance for her and your FI would drive home to you that your dad isn’t there to dance with you and the grief is still too fresh for that.
Assure her that this in no way means she can’t dance with her son or even request a song be played at the wedding (if you’re ok with requests), just that you don’t want a special, separate dance for them alone.
Post # 5
I don’t know… I’m really sorry for your loss and I know it must be really hard to feel like you are missing out. But I don’t think it’s fair for you to deprive her of that moment. Our wedding days are not just important to us but also to our families and she has probably been looking forward to this moment for a long time.
I disagree with this statement: “Isn’t the bride and her father the big deal other than the bride and groom dancing?” I think the mother/son dance is just as much of a big deal.
Post # 6
Is he her only son? Maybe she has been looking forward to dancing with him at his wedding for a long time. I’m not trying to say she should. I agree with Jenniferk6 about having a little heart to heart with her.
Post # 7
I agree with Jenniferk6, talk to your FMIL and FI and explain that it will just really hurt you to see them dance and you not have a dance with your dad. I think that the mother/son dance is just as important but, really i dont think they should if they know you will be hurt by it. Also tell them what the DJ suggested, maybe that will help. They should understand. Im so sorry about your Dad.
Post # 8
You have two valid emotions here . . . . your sadness of missing your father during the mother/groom dance and your FI and his mother wanting that experience together. No one is right or wrong, it’s just something you have to weigh out the options. You being you and your FI. If your FI is on board with the no parental dance thing, then he can talk to his Mom about why you two reached the decision to skip them.
Post # 9
I understand where you’re coming from, and I’m sorry for your loss … but …
if nobody told FMIL that this is how you felt, how would she know? I’m sure she feels terrible for your loss, but should she not get a special dance with her son because of it? What does your FI think? For sure, I don’t think you can just assume that your FMIL will understand your sensitivity – he’s still her son and it sounds like she’d still like that special moment (that she’ll never get the chance to have again).
Post # 10
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am an MOB and feel a little out of place here offering advice but here goes. I also lost my father right before my wedding and wish things would have been as relaxed in the wedding world 30 years ago as they are now because I would have totally danced with my MOM not having my Dad. Look up a song on YouTube called “Every Mother’s Dream”. Maybe you can do a Mother/Daughter dance and your fiance does his dance with his mom. His Mom’s dreams won’t be crushed and it might just mean the world to your mom too.
Post # 11
I think you should skip the parental dances all together, and I agree that the big one is the bride with her dad. I’m sorry she isn’t more sensitive to the situation for you. I think you should have FI talk to her and tell her it’s not an option.
Post # 12
@mrsbean: I completley agree with you! This is the way to go. I
I think it will mean a lot to your mom to dance with you and although its not the traditional father/daughter dance you might have imagined planning, your mom is hurting too during this time. Turn what could be something sad into a wonderful moment for you and your mother, while still allowing your FI to dance with his mother. That shouldn’t be taken away from them.
Post # 13
I am sorry about your dad. This is such a tricky situation because it is so fresh but I do not think your FMIL should sit out dancing with her son at his wedding. I would let them have the dance but I would sneak away with my girls to take a shot or freshen up my makeup.
While it is true that every little girl dreams of dancing with her dad it is also true that every mom dreams of dancing with her son.
Post # 14
The other thing to take into consideration … when is your wedding? If it’s still a ways off (your profile says January 2011 so I’m going to assume that isn’t right) – maybe you will think differently about it later on?
Post # 15
Honestly – I think that you should let your FMIL dance with your FI.
While I am sorry for you loss, many mothers dream of dancing with their sons at their wedding (just as many girls dream of dancing with their father). I don’t think it is right or fair to deprive her of that special moment and experience just because you unfortunately aren’t able to have yours.
Maybe you could dance with your mother (or a close brother if you have one)? But I definitely think that, since your FMIL wants one, she should be able to have a dance with her son.
Post # 16
I’m sorry about your dad. My father passed away too and it hurt so much not to have him there at my wedding. We did a mother-son dance and then I did a dance with my brother (since he gave me away as well). I know it meant a lot to my MIL to have the dance with her son and I didn’t want to take that away from them.
I like pasquel’s suggestion of taking a moment away with your bridesmaids if you need to during the mother-son dance.