do you allow guests in if they did not rsvp?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Personally, I think it would be rude to turn away a guest.  You should do your best to be a good hostess and welcome them (even though they were rude not RSVPing).

HOWEVER, this shouldn’t even be an issue.  After your RSVP deadline has passed, you should track down those people who haven’t RSVPed and figure out if they are coming.  It’s not uncommon for stuff to get lost in the mail.  I had several invitations and RSVPs get lost.  I don’t think it’s a good idea or fair to just assume the guest(s) isn’t coming.

 

Post # 4
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@isabelle_86:  I would allow every one to come in.  Now if it was a sit down dinner and you had assigned seats for the reception the people that just show up will feel really dumb.  So just make sure all the Nos really are Nos and go from there.

 

Post # 5
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Honestly I don’t know what I’d do. We’re having a sit down dinner, so there wouldn’t be enough food for additional people like there might be with a buffet. We’re also having a small wedding with assigned seating. It would be extremely awkward and honestly I’d be pretty mad that they randomly showed up without notice. I don’t think I could ever say, “you have to leave” or “you can’t stay” but I don’t think I’d be able to hide my frustration with them either so I’d probably still come across as rude, lol.

Post # 8
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@isabelle_86:  If we haven’t received an RSVP form someone by the time our deadline has passed, they will be contacted and asked for a response. If they can’t commit, they will be politely informed that they will be marked down as a ‘no’. So, I can’t see there being a situation in which someone hasn’t RSVP’d.

 

If someone RSVPs ‘no’ and then shows up, we’d be able to accommodate them at the ceremony and possibly at the evening reception, but they would be politely informed that they would not be able to join us for the drinks reception or the wedding breakfast, due to space constraints and not having enough food/drink. I would find it incredibly rude if someone did this however, and would probably have little to do with them after the wedding. It isn’t a free for all that you just show up to if you have nothing better to do/your other plans fall through; it has taken us years of careful planning and cost a small fortune, so I would find it extremely disrespectful and the height of bad manners for someone to just show up without warning.

 

Post # 9
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, it would be very rude to turn guests away who did not RSVP.  While they were rude in not responding, it should not be a tit-for-tat situation.  As the host, it is your responsibility to contact guests who did not RSVP in time to ensure your numbers are accurate.

Post # 11
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We let those last-minute additions join us, but I did let them know that my final numbers and seating chart were already completed and they would have to sit at the extra table in the back and help themselves to the appetizers at cocktail hour but I couldn’t guarantee them a full meal once the plated meals were served.  We did end up having a few no-shows so I asked that their meals be served to the last-minute additions.  It all worked out ok 🙂

Post # 12
Member
6274 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@isabelle_86:  they can come, but they probably won’t have a seat or food to eat at the reception. 

Post # 13
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@isabelle_86:  It is rude for them to not RSVP, but at the same time mail gets lost, people think their spouse RSVPed, and shit happens.

If your wedding is structured in such a way that you need to know exactly who is coming, then as the host, the obligation is on tyou to confirm that information. 

I would never dream of turning away someone who did not RSVP, and I say that as someone who is getting married, and as someone who plans events for a living. There have been times I’ve had to make major adjustments to events I plan because an award recipient for example, decided to show up when they hadn’t responded, and I couldn’t reach them. So be it.  My obligation to be a gracious host remains even when my guests have failed to be courteous guests by RSVPing when asked.

Post # 14
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I wouldn’t allow them in (especially if they didn’t recieve invites in the first place which is going to be a major problem for me that I foresee)! I am having a sit down dinner at my wedding and there really isn’t room to fit any extras. I will however make the effort to call/contact those who recieved invites and didn’t RSVP. We will be having a bouncer type person at our wedding with a checklist where people might have to show ID. There are people in both sides of the family that are just not allowed to come (mainly people we don’t get along with for whatever reason but are still bold enough to try to show up) that will make a scene (as they always do) so we are going to have to keep them out SOMEHOW.

 

Post # 15
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

We had a few people show up that we weren’t expecting, but we also had a few people who couldn’t make it that we were planning on attending so it all worked out in the end. Honestly, unless you really don’t want them at your wedding for a specific reason, I don’t think its worth the drama to refuse them entry.

Just focus on enjoying your wedding day.

Post # 16
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can’t let guests in who did not RSVP as we’re doing a plated meal reception where meals must be ordered in advance…

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