Do you and SO butt heads over pets?

posted 3 years ago in Pets
Post # 3
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

we butt heads but i do behavior therapy with children with autism. so any kind of discipline/training/etc. i have the upper hand on that stuff then, he understands because he sees how i am with children and pets and realizes that i have lots of research and experience to back it up, unlike him. 

Post # 4
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Deejayelle:  DH is a pleaser so most of the dog care goes to me ( I have more experience anyway). Dogs are VERY different and the type of learning they prefer varies between breeds. My australian sheperd did well with stern punishments and over the top “whoo hoos” when he did something good. However, my borders could only really handle a slight punishment because they punished themselves. My current breed responds well to positive renforcement as opposed to stern punishments (much like my borders did). 

Before you get a dog you need to make sure they match the training regiment your SO seems to prefer. Crate training is something that I HIGHLY suggest to anyone who has a breed that can’t control themselves. My australian sheperds needed to be crate trained but my borders never required it. It depends on the individual dog/breed. If you don’t crate train then you must assign them a safe room like a bathroom or a laundry room where they can sleep or go to when stressed. 

A 12 year old dog SHOULD not have accidents. Take them out right after eating, right before bed, and first thing in the morning. Dogs are smart and if you change food to much they will get selfish. The regular food should have been kept because you may cause problems for the owners. My friend once had a dog that would eat its food for a while and then stop after a few weeks. The dog learned that it could get new foods by rejecting it’s current meal. Dogs will eat unless they are sick or stressed. No dog will starve itself unless it is ill and cannot eat. 

Post # 5
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Nope. FH knows my felines come first and I am happy to say he has followed my example and has become an indulgent pet parent like me!

Post # 6
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Deejayelle:  We do butt heads over how we interact with our dogs (I have more preferences/rules, DH is more free/fun), but I actually think it’s for the best to have two different people that they can establish different relationships with. We respect each other’s different ways of interacting. I don’t like the dogs to get too rowdy with me or lick my face, but DH doesn’t mind. I expect better behavior on walks and when people come to the door, whereas DH is pretty relaxed. We’d never undermine each other’s interactions. Overall, raising the dogs has been a really good thing for our relationship and we think it’s given us a little hint at what it will be like for us to parent a human child.

BUT the one issue we have is that DH lets our 1 year-old dog sleep in our bed by our heads, under the covers! The pup really stretches out as the night goes on and pokes me with his paws until I’m hanging off the bed, thus waking me up in the middle of the night. And we have a giant king bed, tons of room! So I’ll let DH fall asleep with the dog there and if the dog wakes me up, I put him in his own dog bed. I really hope that when I’m hugely pregnant, DH sees that this simply won’t work anymore. Plus it will be really hot by then, so he won’t be requiring doggy snuggles for warmth anymore. We’ll see!

Post # 7
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Nope. We both took our dogs to puppy classes together and we’re pretty much on the same page with training, although I’m more into it so he pretty much takes my advice.

Also…did you check with the owner before changing his food? You’re really supposed to transition slowly over 1-2 weeks. I’d be pretty miffed if my dog sitter changed their food. I promise the dog will not starve itself if he’s otherwise healthy.

Post # 8
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

A little, not much though. Sometimes Dh can be more lenient (let’s them on the couch and bed even though I don’t like it), gives them too many treats, and shows preference to one over the other. But we bith need to improve.

Post # 9
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Deejayelle:  We have a trainer, so it is easy for us – we just follow the directions we are given and do our homework! My husband jokingly accuses me of over-cuddling our pup but he is actually way worse than I am – I catch him all the time. 

Our dog actually brings us closer together and isn’t a source of tension at all. Maybe you guys could do puppy classes together so you are on the same page. Whatever method you choose, you’re right that it needs to be consistent for the doggy’s sake 🙂 

Post # 10
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yeah, but not like that…he hates my cat. =(  I love her more than him.  Yup.  So there’s that.


Post # 11
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

FI doesn’t even want pets so the fact that we have a dog, three cats, and a snake aggravates him. He isn’t as nice to them as I would like. Not like he beats them or anything but I just ADORE animals. He doesn’t love them as much as I do which leads to unmet expectations on both ends. I coddle our animals if I accidentally step on them and I have to spend time with them all for a while every day. He thinks I love animals (especially my dog) more than him(shh…..don’t tell him he’s right). So, yeah. We butt heads ALL. THE. TIME. in regards to animal care and how many animals we should have.

That is honestly one thing I would change about FI, I wish he loved animals as much as I did.

Post # 12
2535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Dh and I are exact oppisites so we struggle with our pet parenting… WE are actually getting a trainer and learning to meet in the middle. I’m interested in seeing how it goes. We have 4 private  sessions.

Post # 13
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

DH thinks dogs should live outside (which is common in mexico) i think they should live inside (common in england)

DH doesnt see the point of neutering whereas i think its very important

i’ll do special food for the dog when hes sick, DH wouldnt. i buy a lot of toys and dog specific products that DH htinks are un-necessary

so yes, we do!

Post # 14
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Deejayelle:  Sort of – we don’t have any pets yet, but we want to get a dog. DH loves Labradors but I only want a small dog, preferably something that doesn’t shed much because I have allergies. He is also more inclined to think it’s OK for a dog to sleep on our bed/in our bedroom whereas I don’t want to do that!

Post # 16
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t think we necessarily butt heads, but I am more attentive to our pup’s needs than SO is. We got our 8 week old lab puppy June 2012 while I was out of school and not working. SO had to work at 7AM everyday so I was responsible for any training during the day, as well as late at night while SO was sleeping. At the time, we lived in an upstairs apartment downtown, where there was a lot of shady foot traffic which made me want to NOT go outside alone at night.. but I did it for the pup! I’d get up multiple times a night to take him out when I heard him whining, as well as COUNTLESS times during the day. I probably lost 5 pounds just running up and down the stairs with him, but it worked. We have since moved to a new house with a fenced in yard, but we haven’t had any potty accidents in the house since 6 weeks after bringing him home!

I feel like if SO were responsible for potty training or even basic commands, he wouldn’t have succeeded. He kept telling me “Oh, he doesn’t need to go out AGAIN”. Yes he does! lol I worked soo hard with our pup to learn all his basic commands and to NOT rough-house with people, and as soon as we moved into our new house with more room to play (pup was about 5 months old), SO would wrestle with the pup and it just set back all of his progress. UGH!

I guess that’s really the only area where we have butted heads – he wants to be able to wrestle and be rough with the pup, but expects him to not be that way with other people. I told him it doesn’t really work that way. He also has a tendency to want to overfeed the dog, so I always have to remind him that if he doesn’t want to walk him in 6 inches of snow to work off the extra food, don’t feed him extra. -___- 

I don’t think SO’s parents really set the best examples for proper discipline or positive reinforcement with the pets they had when he was younger, so I just try to be understanding and reason with him when I feel like we aren’t seeing eye to eye. And of course, SO is our pup’s favorite of the two of us. He just went back to work after 10 days off and our furbaby is so depressed. I guess Mom isn’t fun enough haha.

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