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We initally had the exact set up as you (one year we would spend Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas w/ mine & then switch.)
But after doing this for 2 years, we realized that his parents don't do anything for Christmas and my parents still make a big deal, so now we do Thanksgiving always w/ his family and Christmas with mine.
I like it this way because I love Christmas and love the idea of always spending it with my family ;)
DH and I have talked, and have figured out a schedule that should work for us going forward for the holiday season. We wanted to try to have some time for ourselves on these days, without running to four different places and spending very little time at each.
We plan to alternate years for Thanksgiving Dinner and dessert - thankfully, my parents live only 5 miles from his mom and her husband. We also plan to alternate years for Christmas morning, opposite of our Thanksgiving plans.
For example, this year, we’ll be having Thanksgiving dinner with DH's mom, so Christmas “morning” will be with my parents (later in the morning, so we still have some time to ourselves in the morning at our own house to establish our own family traditions) to exchange gifts. Then we’ll head to his mom's house at 1:00pm for dinner and gift exchange with her side of the family, before heading to my aunt's house for dessert and gift exchange with my mom's side of the family around 5:30pm.
We see my dad's side of the family the weekend before Christmas, and his dad's side of the family on Christmas eve.
Ugh, it's exhausting just thinking about it, but it's the only way we were being fair to both families, and making sure we had time to ourselves!
We do whatever for Thanksgiving, usually go and visit his dad a week or so before Christmas, and split up for Christmas day. His parents are split up and each live about an hour and a half from us, so it's just easier to do it that way.
We have holidays at his mothers and my grandmothers and luckily they live less than 15 minutes apart. Thanksgiving is never a problem as we eat as different times. Christmas Eve we eat one place then go to the other for dessert, we alternate where we eat dinner each year. Christmas morning we open gifts at my house then spend the afternoon at his and finally visit my Dad for the evening.
My FI's family lives about 6 hours away. We visit them A LOT. Probably 1 or 2 times a month. So we usually spend holidays with them and my parents get along with them so they come too!
@vanilla frosting:My SO and I live 9 hours from his family and 3 hours from my family. This year we decided to spend Thanksgiving with our respective family and Christmas together. However, my mom keeps asking us to come there for Christmas. I am not sure it's fair,I will think about it a litle more.
I wish we had a plan like yours. We drive around like crazy people! For example, on Thanksgiving, we are driving 30 min North to his parents just to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade, then driving to hours south to have thanksgiving dinner with my family. And at Christmas, it doesn't get any better. I love your setup!
I think that when FI and I get a house, we're going to host because it will just be easier haha. AND I love to cook! My family does Thanksgiving at my grandmother's house in Virginia, which is about 4.5 hours from us in Philly and 6.5 hours from my parents' in the Poconos. His family lives in Philly, about 20 minutes from our apartment now. If we host, it will solve everything :-)
FIs parents are having family over for the first time EVER this year for Thanksgiving so I will get to do a lot of the coooking- as his mom is not really a whiz in the kitchen. Practice time for Frosting!
We like to be somewhat fair. But right now, my family does christmas and it's just my mom, dad, and aunt (sometimes). His family does Christmas and it's 24+ people. My parents are retired and live 4-5 hours away, so what's "fair" is making them drive up and spend it with us, haha. They get 4th of July with us, though.
Christmas at DH's house is full of games and fun stuff. Christmas at my folks' house is usually Red Lobster (why cook for 4 people, right?) then sitting around and doing nothing. Mom keeps saying "next year you have to come visit us!" but if that's the case, we will drive back to Saint Louis after spending Christmas morning with my folks. Hopefully we can solve it next year by hosting Christmas and honestly, once we have kids, I can't see us loading up for that long of a drive when my retired parents can make the trip FAR more easily than us!
It's a mess!
@Soladylike- that seems difficult. I know my family sometimes puts a little pressure on us to come for one holiday or the other. Ultimately, they know that we have to do what's fair because they wouldn't want to be the ones getting the shaft next year. LOVE your name, by the way!
@angela2011bride- that is NUTS! It's like the movie Four Christmases. We promised to never do that to each other. Family is important to both of us, but driving around like that just wouldn't seem relaxing and enjoyable to us.
Fortunately, my mother and FI's parents live in the same town. We spend Christmas Eve with FI's parents (because we have an amazing seafood buffet every Christmas eve...yummmmm...crab legs). We spend Christmas day with my mom. We don't travel for Thanksgiving because we live too far away.
This year is the first year that the above arrangement won't be happening because we're going on a cruise with FI's parents and brother for New Years, and we can't afford the trip home.
We drove around like insane people for the first few years of our relationship, and eventually we got lucky: My folks moved to England! I actually really hate not having them close by (they moved to Denver 2 months ago which is slightly closer, but still too far) but it makes holidays a little simpler since obviously we can't do Thanksgiving in the afternoon at one, then dinner at the other.
My family usually gets Thanksgiving because his family makes a HUGE deal out of the Christmas holidays. We do Thanksgiving with mine, then Little Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve with his. We try to do both extended families at Christmas; mine in the afternoon and his in the evening since those families are still close by. Christmas morning we do with his family, or at our house with my family if they're visiting (they are this year, yeah!).
It's a little insane, but...at least we only do one Thanksgiving now? HA, and we're hosting this year. Bring on the craziness!
This year we will kind of be spending both holidays with my family. On Wednesday we are driving up to FI's parents house in Georgia, but for Thanksgiving day we are going to go over to my cousins house about an hour from his parents and then coming back to the parents house that night and staying through the weekend. So we will sort of be spending Thanksgiving with them. For Christmas we will be staying in Florida my mom's family always comes over to our house for Christmas dinner.
In the future we plan to do Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine and then we will probably go up to visit his family the day after Christmas or so.
We've decided to switch off Thanksgiving each year (we're seeing his family this year). Then we're doing Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas Day with mine. It's about a 2 hour drive between our parents.... so it's definitely do-able. Once we have kids it might change, but for now I'm a fan of the situation.
We live ten minutes from his parents and 14 hours from mine. We always go to his parents for thanksgiving, and we alternate Christmas. This year we're spending it with my family and I am so excited!!!!
We were supposed to go to see his family for Christmas this year, but he is in the military and it is too difficult to book plane tickets never knowing if they are going to change their mind about leave days, or cancel it all together.
So I had to tell his sister and his mom yesterday that we couldn't make it. Waterworks ensued, and I felt terrible, but there is really nothing we can do. Plus have you guys checked out plane ticket costs this season!? Wow...it was going to be over $2,000 for my husband, our daughter and I. That's 2/3 of our wedding money... I don't think so! Plus, and this is slightly off subject, I wouldn't subject my daughter or I to the xray scanning machines they have at the airport and especially not the molestation pat downs... sorry but no one is touching my 3 year old daughters, or my genitals. It's not happening!!
It's way too far to drive either... 20+ hours. So my parents are flying here... We'll see how my dad handles the airport. He hasn't flown in at least 7 years because he hates airports and the TSA and their constant need to humilate and yell at people. lol
Well, this Thanksgiving, my mom, brother, and SIL are coming up to visit my grandmother. My husband, myself, and our daughter are driving up to be there. It's a 24-hour drive for them, and a 5-hour drive for us.
Christmas, well, ultimately, we'd spend the morning alone and then meet at his parents' house later. However, since we currently live with his parents, these plans might change. We're hoping to move before then.
Last year we just spent both holidays with his parents since they're so much closer. To be honest though, I'd rather travel for Thanksgiving than Christmas. I'm not a holiday person, and I prefer to be lazy Christmas morning. Having to pick up and travel would be annoying.
I got lucky. SO's family is orthodox so we spend December 25th Christmas with my family and January 7th Christmas with his family. We do the same with Easter (If there are 2 Easters, sometimes they fall on the same day. If they are on the same day we usually spend that day with our own families.)
Thanksgiving is usually a little more difficult, only because my Dad works different shifts and we try to schedule Thanksgiving dinner around his work schedule so he can eat with the family. This year he has to work 3-11 so we will be having Thanksgiving lunch around 1pm, then around 5pm we will go to SO's Aunt's house.
We do Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other. We usually do Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine every year, but are switching it up this year.
Sadly, my FI has to work every Thanksgiving and Christmas (he is a firefighter). So I always travel to see my family and he stays home. Hopefully when we have kids this will change. Haven't discussed how we will figure out the in-law situation yet. Happy Thanksgiving Bees!
DH and I usually do Thanksgiving at our house, and my parents, brother and his mom, aunt and uncle come over.
For Christmas, We usually see his dad's side of the family on the day of Christmas eve, and his mom's side in the evening (his parents are divorced). We spend Christmas day with my family.
Now this year, we're doing Christmas eve and Christmas day at our house. His dad's side (which is huge) will be coming over Christmas eve, and my family and his mom's side will be coming over Christmas day. Makes things a lot less complicated for us, and I love cooking and being a hostess!
We are spending Thanksgiving with my family this year which will be the first time in about 7 years for me, and the first time dh has ever been away from his family for thanksgiving. We will be at my family camp about 4 hours away from where we live and where his family is.
For christmas usually my family just picks a random day in December and we celebrate, and then we usually go to his parents house for christmas in the morning, and then back for dinner in the afternoon. This year however I opted to work christmas, so dh will be going to his parents in the morning, and then probably in the afternoon and then I will just meet him at home later. (I probably wouldn't go to his parents house this year even if I didn't have to work, since I can't stand how horrible they treat me, and because they play favorites with the grandchildren horribbly! Last year dh's parents got 2 of his neices easily 20 presents each, and then got his other neice 4 gifts and made them open all of them together!)
Yup, For about the last 6 years we have alternated Thanksgiving and Christmas. For example this year is Thanksgiving with my husband's family and Christmas with my family.
Other holidays are up for grabs. Easter we usually stick around home. We go back every other year for Chinese New Year.
This year we're staying home for Thanksgiving even though it's technically his family's year but they are down South and I have negative time off. So we are heading down for Easter instead.
When we have kids I imagine we'll do every third year rotation between staying at home, with my family, with his family etc.
Ugh. We have this pretty high on our "List of Things to Figure Out Before We Get Married." This will be our 6th holiday season together, and we still just wing it!
I grew up with alternating. One family got Christmas/Easter, and the other got Thanksgiving/New Years, and then the next year it switched. I found it very fair & figured we'd do the same, but his family doesn't celebrate Christmas or Easter! (At the same time, I don't want to spend every New Years & Thanksgiving with his family, because I want some thankful-time with mine, plus New Years Eve is my mom's birthday.)
However, both our families are in the same city, so maybe what we'll end up doing is staying at my parents' houses for Christmas & Easter and every second Thanksgiving & New Years, but visiting with his parents on Boxing Day/New Years Day, etc. (and vice-versa with my parents when we're staying at his folks' house).
I'd also kind of like to go the Cardigan route and have Christmas morning at our house, especially once we have a kid...but we'll see (this would especially depend on how far away we are from our families!). : )
ETA: The other complicating factor, of course, is that I'm in nursing, so I'll probably be expected to work either New Years or Christmas every year. So we'll see how that factors into the equation. Forced holidays at home! : D
Right now ours are kind of tricky because my mom isn't happy with it...But normally we do thanksgiving day at FH's family's house. And Christmas Eve with them too.
Christmas afternoon/night with my family. But my mom really wants christmas eve instead of christmas afternoon so I think next year we'll be figuring something else out.
Ugh. It's definitely frustrating.
I absolutely hate the holidays for this exact reason. No matter how many holidays we spend with my family my mom always complains that they never get to see us on holidays. Like your SO's family my family only celebrates with mom, sister, dad, brother. Meanwhile, there's a party going on at his families house! Of course I'd rather be there!
That and 3/3 holidays that FI have been together my family has taken a vacation somewhere and hasn't even been home for christmas.
For Thanksgiving, we spend dinner with my family since its only 5 people and the have dessert with his family since its about 14 people there. Then, Christmas morning we spend time with his dad and gf, then go to my parents, then to my aunts 45 mins away. the day after we go to his sisters house to spend with them
It's interesting you bring this up.
I went to a psychologist earlier this year to deal with some issues (grief over a death, guilt as an eating trigger, etc.) and the conversation naturally turned to my relationship with my SO. She said that, after money, how you and your SO split up the holidays between families is the #2 source of strain between couples.
This is one of the things that we have pretty set though. My big family thing is Xmas Eve and Xmas morning. His big family thing is a Thanksgiving party. So we have always done Thanksgiving with his family, then Tgiving Friday with his dad, Xmas Eve and Xmas morning with my family, then Xmas evening with his mom, and then Xmas next day with his dad.
This year, his family isn't having the usual Thanksgiving party, so we're doing Thanksgiving with my family, then Thanksgiving Friday with his mom, but probably not doing anything with his dad (long story).
My in-laws made plans for their Thanksgiving and Christmas and never involved us in the planning or invited us to come. (We'd have to buy tickets and stuff.)
Is that weird?
So, it looks like we're celebrating alone at home. We don't have any family within 20 hours. I invited a few friends but they all cancelled for one reason or another (lame.)
Our plans always kind of change at the last minute, except for where we eat dinner. Thanksgiving will be at his family and Christmas will be with mine. Our families live 20 minutes apart so we always stop and see the other for a bit at some point during the day. I'm not sure how things will change next year when we're in our own home and we have room to do holidays. Personally, I would rather host both and have everyone over than going to different families each time.
we don't have an arrangment, really, but my DH is not close to his family at all, and i am very close to mine, so we'll probably spend most holidays with my family, unless he requets he wants to go see his family, i would happily agree (i wish he were closer to his family). but i doubt that would happen.
Our familys all live far apart - we're 16 hours from my family, 13 hours from DH's family, and our familys are 12 hours from each other. So for any given holiday, we can only spend time with one side of the family.
We've decided to alternate holidays/years. So this year we're doing Thanksgiving with my family and X-mas with DH's family. Then next year we'll do Thanksgiving with DH's family and X-mas with mine. Seemed like a pretty good solution to us!
we are lucky to have both our rents live 5 min apart. we also only live 20 minutes away. (thanks to my parents moving back home last year from out of state)
last year, we had thanksgiving together... my extended family + ILs (their extended family is 1.5 hours away and they celebrate christmas together and do tday individually)...
this year, we will do a tday lunch with ILs bcuz MIL has to work on black friday.
then a late tday dinner with my family at our house (my extended family all live within 20 min)
christmas eve is always for just us. christmas morning/mass/bfast with the ILs. christmas afternoon with my rents and brother. christmas dinner with my extended family. wknd after christmas we drive up north with ILs to have dinner with his extended family.
For Thanksgiving, which is in October here in Canada, woot, we do Sunday dinner with my parents and Monday dinner with his family. Although this year, my parents went to the East Coast to see my sister, so we only saw his family.
We decided last Christmas that we will alternate each year, so that we spend Christmas Day with one set of family and Boxing Day (the 26th) with the other. I want to spend quality time with each set of parents not spend all day driving around, and they have agreed that this is fair. Besides, I'm a non-practising Jew and he's a non-practising Orthodox Christian, which means no one gets dibs on Christmas day as the 25th! ;) It was easier than I thought it would be to get the parents on board!
This year is Christmas Day with my family which I'm really excited about, should be lots of fun - Last year we spent Christmas day with his parents. I'm hoping that once we have a house, we can just have everyone over to our place! But that will be difficult with siblings.. hahaha boo holidays!
Yes. Both of our immediate families are small. Both DH and I only have one sibling each. My brother is no longer married, so he comes with his two kids if he has them that holiday. My SIL has a boyfriend, so he comes. Both sets of parents always come, too.
We have a big, comfortable home with a large dining room, so we host Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. We don't mind it because we don't have to haul out from place to place. It's been this way since we bought our house and it's fine with me. I'm glad that I don't have to leave my cozy house for the holidays! What's nice is that everyone helps out. We do the main course and dessert and everyone brings side dishes.
I am envious of you Americans who have Thanksgiving this week! We had ours last month and my mouth is watering for turkey and the trimmings hearing about your Thanksgiving!
This year we are doing Thanksgiving at DHs family and we will do Christmas with my parents. DH is Jewish so they dont do Christmas. You would think we would do always Thanksgiving with his fam and always Christmas with mine but I just cant imagine always giving up Thanksgiving with my family yet! So we are just going to go year by year and see what happens. Last year we did both Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family (my parents are divorced though so there is still some splitting up) because we couldnt afford to travel for Thanksgiving!
P and I currently live in our hometown. Holidays are always a little stressful because we come from such different families. P is one of six siblings, most of which are already married and have young children of their own. Most, if not all of his extended family live no more than an hour away. I'm one of two daughters. While my parents are also here in town, all of our extended family lives on the other side of the country. If P and I were to not make it to a holiday function with his family, there would still be about 5,986 family memebers present. However, my absence would be a pretty hard hit for my own little family.
This year, we're doing Thanksgiving dinner with P's immediate family the evening before Thanksgiving. We're having brunch with his extended family on Thanksgiving morning and dinner with my family Thanksgiving afternoon/evening. We plan on doing Christmas Eve dinner with my family, and going to Midnight Mass with his. Christmas morning will be split between the two families, Christmas lunch will be with his, and Christmas dinner will be with mine. Phew. That's a lot of food.
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FI and I have always been really about fairness in our realtionship. After our first holiday season of being together, and spending the holidays apart, we came up with a solution so that we could be together for the holidays and it would be fair.
Each year we rotate: whichever family we spend Thanksgiving with, gets Christmas Eve and the other family gets Christmas Day. MY family lives 2 hours north of Philadelphia where I live, and driving like crazy people is not something we want to endure during a PA winter. It's sometimes rough because I LOVE my family holidays and we always make a really big deal about them, my whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) gets together. His family is more laid back and does a small celebration with just his mother, father, and sister.
What do you and your SO do about Holiday swapping?