Post # 1
i was talking to my SIL over a bottle of wine and she told me her and her DH have never told each other their numbers (of people they have slept with) . i know she has only been with two people, like me, and that her DH has to have been with 15 + people.. at least! but i thought that was kind of strange. i told her i think he should know how good youve been (maybe he thinks it was a lot since she beauitful and i know his # is big) . but maybe hes embarressed. we continued to talk and she asked if my DH was jealous of my ex, i said ” no, DH knows my ex sucks in bed and has a small.. you know”. shes like “you told him that??!!” of course i tell him everything… she said her DH didnt even know the name of her ex till last year, he didnt want to know.. theyve been married for 5 years.
im just really surprised at their relationship dynamic.
her and i have had one rocky relationship. honestly last week we wornt even getting along but bonded last night.. once again. we are married to brothers and its amazing at how different they are. DH and i have told each other everything!! having only been with one other person before him, i was curious and it never bothered either of us.
i thought it was a must to know each others numbers and past. but was wondering on what your take is on this?
Post # 2
FI has never asked me about past relationships or lovers. I’m not sure if it’s because he just doesn’t care or if he just knows that I don’t really have a past dating history, which is true. I asked him early in the relationship how many women he’s been with, and he told me a small number but no details. Other than a college girlfriend, I have no idea about his dating history though don’t think I haven’t tried to get some details! Ultimately, we know we’re each other’s “the one,” so at this point, it doesn’t really matter that much anyway.
Post # 3
This was something that my fiance and I discussed early on in our conversation before we became intimate in THAT way.. we both had testing and all that stuff to make sure we had a clean bill of health before we took our relationship to that next step.
so of course we know- since it hasn’t changed 7 years later
Post # 4
We both have the same number – 3 including each other.
Early on, I was curious about his ex’s….he never really gave too many details because he said it didn’t matter anymore. I know his ex before me cheated on him, and lived with him for a while, even after they broke up, because he didn’t want to kick her out with no where to go.
He knows my ex right before him was abusive, a drug dealer, etc. I don’t know if he knows his name though…we didn’t grow up together or have any mutual friends prior to meeting so the only way he could find out is if one of my friends told him (or if I did and I just can’t remember!)
But he never pried, and neither did I.
Post # 5
craigslistgirl: are you ever shared with him your “first” stories? i think my SIL was curious about it but felt the same way. that it was the past so who cares. it does feel odd that i know more about her husnamds past then she does though. since ive been with brother A for so long.
if you knew a girl you seen here and there, would you want to know if your DH slept with them? or would it even matter? I ended up working with a girl DH slept with (way before me). but it would have been weird if i hadnt known they slept together, since it was obvious she was “odd” around me. idk maybe what you dont know doesnt hurt you. its just what if it slipped out of my mouth that her husband had hooked up with this one chick a long time ago and she had no idea, but was also kind of friends wtih her. wouldnt that be a little odd? idk thoughts?
Post # 6
We both know each other’s number
Post # 7
My DH and I know the number of eachothers intimate partners, but that was more because our numbers are low (him 0, me 1) I got tested prior to us becoming intimate, and I made sure my other partner got tested prior to becoming intimate because he had a higher number.
But exact numbers can cause people to get crazy jealous, and not ever relationship can handle that. DH and I needed to have the sexual experience talk, but I think even just knowing that our numbers are different by one had an impact. Early on, when we were getting to the part of the relationship where we were sure this was a “forever” thing, there was a small freak out that I would likely be his only partner.
Post # 8
Ryansgirl: seems like you guys talked about everything. DH prob knows my ex name because he was the only other person i dated before him. and it was my still best friends brother. and when we first dated my best friend was our roommate and her brother was hard to avoid.
Post # 9
Every couple defines what is a must for them.
I was honest about the number of sexual partners I had once and it backfired on me.
I didn’t share my number with any other man until I met my husband.
My husband is uncommonly progressive so he doesn’t subscribe to the double standards that most men live by.
Post # 10
I don’t see any benefit whatsoever from discussing past sex lives. If anything, it causes harm. I think your SIL and her husband have the right idea.
Post # 11
We shared that stuff right away. My FI prev gf really screwed him up. Whenever I noticed something off or he was hesistant about something in or relationship, i’d ask him about it and it always led back to her so I get full disclosure.
He, on the other hand, doesn’t really know much. I didn’t date too much and when I did, none of the relationships were meaningful or lifechanging.
Post # 12
We both knew each others’ numbers before we started dating – we were all with a group of friends around a bonfire having drinks and spilling details! I ask a lot of questions by nature, and he’s always been honest so I know the number, who they were, and how it went haha! He knows a little bit a about some of my exes but doesn’t really care one way or another.
Post # 13
My husband and I told each other before getting engaged.
Post # 14
We don’t know each other’s “numbers.” I think my husband has an idea of the general range but he doesn’t need to know the exact number. If he ever asked I’d tell him but he’s never had a reason to want to know. I know that his number is quite a bit higher than mine. I’m ok with that, but I also don’t want to dwell on it. I have nothing to gain in knowing whether it’s 15 or 50. I know that since we met it’s been just me and it is going to be just me for the rest of our lives. Knowing anything else would likely make me insecure. Curiosity killed the cat, after all.
I should add that I do know who his more significant exes were, what happened in those relationships, etc. It’s good to know what kind of baggage someone is bringing. I know his basic history, just not exact numbers or encounters.
Post # 15
souza_2005: I’ve asked him if any of his female friends were also ex-girlfriends, and he has said no, so I don’t really worry about it. If one of his ex-lovers were still in his life, it would be a little weird to me too.