Do you and SO/DH share your numbers??

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
6614 posts
Bee Keeper

FI has never asked me about past relationships or lovers. I’m not sure if it’s because he just doesn’t care or if he just knows that I don’t really have a past dating history, which is true. I asked him early in the relationship how many women he’s been with, and he told me a small number but no details. Other than a college girlfriend, I have no idea about his dating history though don’t think I haven’t tried to get some details! Ultimately, we know we’re each other’s “the one,” so at this point, it doesn’t really matter that much anyway.

Post # 3
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This was something that my fiance and I discussed early on in our conversation before we became intimate in THAT way.. we both had testing and all that stuff to make sure we had a clean bill of health before we took our relationship to that next step.

 

so of course we know- since it hasn’t changed 7 years later

Post # 4
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We both have the same number – 3 including each other.

Early on, I was curious about his ex’s….he never really gave too many details because he said it didn’t matter anymore.  I know his ex before me cheated on him, and lived with him for a while, even after they broke up, because he didn’t want to kick her out with no where to go.

He knows my ex right before him was abusive, a drug dealer, etc.  I don’t know if he knows his name though…we didn’t grow up together or have any mutual friends prior to meeting so the only way he could find out is if one of my friends told him (or if I did and I just can’t remember!)

But he never pried, and neither did I.

Post # 6
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We both know each other’s number

Post # 7
Member
2885 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My DH and I know the number of eachothers intimate partners, but that was more because our numbers are low (him 0, me 1)  I got tested prior to us becoming intimate, and I made sure my other partner got tested prior to becoming intimate because he had a higher number. 

But exact numbers can cause people to get crazy jealous, and not ever relationship can handle that.  DH and I needed to have the sexual experience talk, but I think even just knowing that our numbers are different by one had an impact.  Early on, when we were getting to the part of the relationship where we were sure this was a “forever” thing, there was a small freak out that I would likely be his only partner. 

Post # 9
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

souza_2005:  

Every couple defines what is a must for them. 

I was honest about the number of sexual partners I had once and it backfired on me.

I didn’t share my number with any other man until I met my husband. 

My husband is uncommonly progressive so he doesn’t subscribe to the double standards that most men live by.

Post # 10
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t see any benefit whatsoever from discussing past sex lives. If anything, it causes harm. I think your SIL and her husband have the right idea.

Post # 11
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We shared that stuff right away. My FI prev gf really screwed him up. Whenever I noticed something off or he was hesistant about something in or relationship, i’d ask him about it and it always led back to her so I get full disclosure. 

He, on the other hand, doesn’t really know much. I didn’t date too much and when I did, none of the relationships were meaningful or lifechanging.

Post # 12
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We both knew each others’ numbers before we started dating – we were all with a group of friends around a bonfire having drinks and spilling details! I ask a lot of questions by nature, and he’s always been honest so I know the number, who they were, and how it went haha! He knows a little bit a about some of my exes but doesn’t really care one way or another. 

Post # 13
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee

My husband and I told each other before getting engaged.

Post # 14
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We don’t know each other’s “numbers.” I think my husband has an idea of the general range but he doesn’t need to know the exact number. If he ever asked I’d tell him but he’s never had a reason to want to know.  I know that his number is quite a bit higher than mine. I’m ok with that, but I also don’t want to dwell on it. I have nothing to gain in knowing whether it’s 15 or 50. I know that since we met it’s been just me and it is going to be just me for the rest of our lives. Knowing anything else would likely make me insecure. Curiosity killed the cat, after all.

 I should add that I do know who his more significant exes were, what happened in those relationships, etc. It’s good to know what kind of baggage someone is bringing. I know his basic history, just not exact numbers or encounters. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  SarahCF.
Post # 15
Member
6614 posts
Bee Keeper

souza_2005:  I’ve asked him if any of his female friends were also ex-girlfriends, and he has said no, so I don’t really worry about it. If one of his ex-lovers were still in his life, it would be a little weird to me too.

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