- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I am doing my best to just "let it happen." We agreed to wait (as in, to stop being obsessively careful not to) until we had health insurance and a different apartment.
I think it sounds like you really are a planner and that is okay, just remember this is not something you really can plan. Maybe he is just trying not to let you go overboard with the planning, considering this is something we cannot control.
Maybe just decide on a time when you do not have to be super freaky careful. That's what we did!
@cbee: Haha you are very right. I think this is more my pre-surgery feelings manifesting themselves in my planning. I've seriously been thinking "well, if doc tells me X, then we'd start TTC immediately." Or "if doc tells me Y, then maybe next year?" And "If doc tells me Z, well then we'll be adopting." It's sort of a crazy place to be in.
@AmeliaBedelia: oh gosh - I am such a crazy planner. I actually broke down today because I don't think we got pg this cycle (totally normal and fine, it's cycle ONE!) and I had a good plan for Christmas, next year, etc. LOL. DH just wants to have sex 24/7 and "see what happens."
I suppose I'm not sure what to tell you, except you aren't alone! I think I'm going to keep ovulation info to myself (DH doesn't care) and just get busy more often during the 4-5 day fertile period...and let DH just see what happens, :)
On another note..good luck with your surgery!!
I'm in the same boat! I'd love to TTC right away (after wedding next year) but my fiancé is more non-committal. I think once we make the plan to TTC, I'll keep quiet about my actual fertile days because I think my fiancé will get cold feet. I'd love to have a wait and see attitude, but I don't think it will happen! My baby fever is too strong to put my thoughts on the back burner... Good luck with your surgery!
We agreed to start at our one year mark/stopping BC earlyish next year. I REALLY wanted to start ASAP, but I understood his reasons and figured we could use the couple time, so (while expressing my desire for non-hormonal BC) I did my best not to talk kids. When my husband got back from deployment (two weeks before my birthday/our half anniversary), he was willing to talk about things like health insurance, house plans, birth, cloth diapers, etc like he never was before. On my birthday dinner, he told me his reasons for wanting to wait until spring were no longer valid, and he would be fine with TTC as soon as I was. I stopped birth control that night.
ETA: As far as getting pregnant... It's "I should probably keep track of my LMP..."
We agree that we don't know if we want kids. We only know we dont want them now.
I am starting to feel a little "itch" to have one. I cant imagine growing old without having the relationship I have with my mom with my own kid. But I CAN NOT imagine feeding a baby, waking up etc. I can even imagine going to PPT meetings, but the infant thing has be stuck.
I am a little afraid if I "get there" before he does. So right now we agree to discuss later when one of us cares.
I do know that I want a marriage first before the kid. Even though we lived together for 3 years, I want the marriage experience first since things do change post wedding.
totally the same here (minus the health issues--good luck with the surgery!!)--I'm a planner but DH really isn't. I thought we had a timeline for TTC--back in August we were on vacation and had an awesome talk about starting next summer. Then about 2 weeks ago we had another convo about why next summer and it came out that his saying that was just pretty arbitrary--he isn't ready yet and he said that because he thinks that could be when he's ready. but, him giving me that date just raises my expectations and if I think we're a go for then, then I put more pressure on him. So I'd rather not have a timeline from him if he isn't sure of it so I'm not feeling like I'm pushing him, if that makes any sense at all! it's just so, so frustrating though--I don't want to pressure him, but I really want to start soon, this baby fever is really strong! And not having a date just makes me feel like he's never going to be ready, even though my head knows that's not true and when he's ready he'll be totally committed. it's like waiting all over again--for the "bf/gf" convo, first time saying "i love you," moving in together, getting engaged....I'm always ready and wanting to plan the next step before he is, but this one is just so huge I know I need to be patient and bite my tongue but it's so hard!
My FI and I decided that we are gonna TTC around November or December 2014 so about 2 years after our wedding. Of course things happen that can hinder that timeline, but if something happens it happens.
I am totally with u here. I am a planner and my hubby tends to go with the flow. I am 5 years older than him, 34, and have low amh so we are starting in january. Originally it was gonna be may. I am not the type who holds back so I started the talks in June. It tOok. A few months but I got him to agree to a time.
If I were you I'd find a happy medium. Maybe you can ask him realistically when he thinks he will be ready in the event of both scenerios. Then tell him what you think would work and split the difference.
Best of luck with surgery and with your TCC planning!
@Audreysdance: What you said about a happy medium is so right on track with what I want. I get a bit frustrated at times with his nonchalance, but it's also one of the reasons we work - I can't even imagine if we were BOTH like I am or like he is. Good grief. Lol.
But really, he is driving me nuts with his "wait and see." Wait until...The man KNOWS I suck at waiting! Patience is not one of my virtues. Ha. I'm glad I'm not the only one! He has given me some non-committal answers but nothing like "I think next year would be good." None of that.
@Everyone --- I'm glad I'm not too totally crazy or out there with my thoughts. I know that in relationships we all reach different points at slightly different times than others (unless you're part of the lucky few) and it's always a struggle to figure out how to not be pushy but still have needs met. I think that's my major dilemma. I don't want to drive the kid issue into the ground, but it's on my mind. Especially now with my brain so focused on my reproductive capability.
And thank you everyone for your wishes on Monday - I'm reallllly freaked out by anesthesia and surgery in general, so yeah, it'll be quite an experience. Hoping for good news of some sort - or at least a resolution if it's not good news!
We're on the same page, and it makes me so happy. I'm going to go off the pill as soon as we're married and hope to start TTC sometime in the fall or winter. We've been talking so much lately about "our kids" and I kind of can't wait!
@AmeliaBedelia: Your post really reminds me of FI and I. I have to plan and organize and know everything, and he likes to be spontaneous. I have a feeling if I tried to set up a specific time for TTC in the future he'd go crazy, so I have no idea what we'll do in the future.
At the moment though, I'm 20 and going through extreme baby fever, and I know this is the worst time for us to have kids and it would be pretty stupid of us to try when we can barely feed ourselves. So thankfully his timeline is far in the future so I'm not tempted to TTC right away, lol.
@galloway111: Haha exactly. We're both in our early 20s as well, so we COULD make it (both have graduated college and all that) but it would be much harder now than in a few years. Granted, that logic will probably fly out the window if we were told that our baby making years are limited by my fertility.
I feel so...I don't know, like I can't plan anything! And that drives me nuts, as I'm sure all you other planners understand! haha. I guess I'll follow up more on this on Tuesday (or whenever I'm coherent enough to remember this).
Amelia, just want to say first that I hope your surgery goes well and that you have a speedy recovery. :)
Also, I related because I am also very type-A/crazy planner and FI is a more "lets wait and see" kind of person.
FI and I compromised to start NTNT at 9 months of marriage- (I wanted 6 months, he wanted 12 so we compromised at 9 months...lol) We agreed to stop using birth control at that time, which was much earlier than we originally intended. He agreed to it so that we would be able to have some time to see if we'd get pregnant naturally without getting super anxious. We could just be regularly sexually active without the stress of active TTC.
@Evie19: Thank you. :) I appreciate it.
I think that's a fantastic compromise. :) And I love the no-stress, not charting or worrying approach for the beginning. That's probably what we'll do, unless we are told my fertility BS is extremely limiting. In that case, I think we'd have to be a bit more active, at least in knowing when a good time is, etc. Is it weird that I think I'm angry at my body right now? Lol. Stupid ovaries/lady parts/etc.
@AmeliaBedelia: No it's definitely not weird to be angry at your body! I have been plenty angry that my body processes all carbs into lumpy fat in my belly and the ovary pain...don't even get me started!
@AmeliaBedelia: I'll still have at least a year, maybe a year and a half left of school after we get married :( And I'm working almost full time. It would be a bad idea to try now, haha. Although if it does happen by accident I think I'd be okay with it.
I hope your surgery goes well, for your sake and so you can stop worrying so much :)
@Evie19: I like that approach too, it sounds so much less stressful than charting.
I should not be on the baby boards, I'm trying to STOP the baby fever, lol. I also need to stop working in retail, way too many adorable children.
Good luck with your surgery.
We don't have a set in stone plan. We want to at some point in the future, but not too far distant. But we have other things to organise/finish first.
We want to be more settled and secure - steady jobs & income, own a home, etc. The first is just a case of things steadying down. The house we are working towards for mid year next year.
Plus I have a few things I want to achieve first (may sound selfish, but I want to finish another year or so of competitive dancing and one last World Championship). So with that in mind we'd be lookinh around mid 2013. So it's more a case of seeing how those other factors plan out rather than a set in stone "in three months we will start trying".
Good luck with your surgery!
Im 21 and still training to be a teacher. He's 31 and has had a really solid career for the past 12 years. Needless to say he's looking to start trying in 2 years whereas I'm thinking at least 4. But I think he wants me to go straight back to work after having the baby (!!!!) whereas I would like to take some time off or at least start back part time. Let's just say it's an ongoing conversation!
@galloway111: Haha. Yeah. I'm looking into Grad School right now (I was in a program, but it was a terrible fit for me) and now I'm thinking hm..baby? grad school? stupid infertility bs? Lol. Hahaha it would be GREAT to not worry so much. I just want answers! ;)
@jessie.rae: It doesn't sound selfish at all! We have plenty of things on our "list" but at the same time, baby trumps number 3 on our list IF there are surgery-issues. That's the main issue right now for me, is that this surgery is such a game changer. And thank you. I'm sort of freaking out right now. Only because anesthesia and I are not friends.
@Showers: Thank you. :) And boy do I get that - it really is frustrating when you both know that on some level you're on the same page (like the simple page: yes, we want kids or no, we don't) but then you have to figure out when which is so complicated.
@AmeliaBedelia: I'm a total planner as well. We both agreed to start immediately after our wedding because of mu fwrtility issues as well as our age, 40s. Well, I wanted to start before our wedding but he refused. Due to other reasons as well, we moved our wedding up 4 months. Now we are just waiting for approval to begin TTC since I had my 2nd myo in Sept.
Since I am the planner, I changed our diet, added a multi vitamin for him and pre natals for me as well as ensure we get back into working out. At least I feel like I'm making some progress.
@AmeliaBedelia: I'm sorry I don't have time to read all of the replies but you're definitely not the only one! Fortunately, it finally sunk in that it's ok I'm the planner and he's not. I'm the one that needs 6 months to wrap my head around having a baby and he can probably do it in 2 weeks! So right now I'm planning and trying to figure out the "what ifs" for starting to TTC sometime Feb-Aug next year. It really sucks not to be able to talk to him about it on occasion but I got fairly practiced with that from wedding planning so at least it's a little easier. :-) I guess that's all I've got. Good luck!
Well my husband & I started trying before we got married. We had been together for 3 years & 7 months when we started TTC. We always said before we got our own place together that we would wait until we did have our own place to start trying. When we got our own place we would just wait & see when it felt right to start TTC. Well we had our own place about 4 months when we started TTC. We did get pregnant in about 4 months of trying but lost the baby. We plan to start TTC again in about a year. Which will be 2 years from the last time we TTC. We had decided on trying this Febuary/March. But we wanted to wait until after summer because we are planning a beach vacation & I don't want to be pregnant during that. :P Also by the time we start TTC we will be around the 2 year mark of marriage & 6 year mark all together. So plenty of alone time, ect. :-)
@lefeymw: I could've written your post exactly, word for word. We're both in the "i don't know" phase as well, and I have the same feeling that I want to HAVE HAD kids... but the actual baby thing just seems like a pain in the ass to me. I have no desire for a baby... if I could pop out a 6 year old, maybe. lol.
@squeak35: Oooh good planning suggestions - that way I could at least feel like my plan is STARTING. I've already bought us both multivitamins, but the others are things to think about. :) I'm also planning some home upgrades that I'd like to have done pre-babytime as well!
@Mrs.Estep: Are we...twins? Lol. We've been together almost 4 years, closer to that on our wedding day. We bought a house 3 months ago. I think maybe having the empty "guest bedroom" isn't helping. We said within hours of moving in that it seemed time to "fill it up" and seemed oddly quiet - even with our two pups roaming around like WTF is all this space?! Lol.
@CorgiTales:@lefeymw: Have either of you seriously considered adoption? My parents adopted my sister when she was 4, almost 5. :) My mom said she'd "already done the baby thing" haha.
Depending on the fertility stuff we'll be figuring out later today *good Lord* we are open to adoption. So long as I get my kiddos.
@AmeliaBedelia: I've thought about it but I don't think I'd do it as a Plan A. I don't think I'm a good enough person to deal with the problems that come along with adopting older kids sometimes honestly. I know that every situation is different but a lot of time kids who are not adopted immediately have serious issues due to neglect or abuse in their early life. Not that its their fault, but it can make for some very hard years. I know several people who were adopted as toddlers (who are around my age now) and they all just seemed to be so messed up (nothing against your sister I'm sure she is a lovely person!). I would just be too scared to do that. Plus there is the money factor. I'm already not sure how we'd afford a kid, we certainly don't have tens of thousands of dollars to adopt one.
We definitely had a timeline before we started trying. I've always felt that having sometime between getting married and getting pregnant was important. We didn't go on our honeymoon until six months after our wedding anyway, so babymaking wasn't a priority. For us, two years seemed like the perfect time to start trying since we're comfortable in our condo, our jobs, and our life in general. There were a ton of pregnancies this past year, so I had a heightened desire for it, but we waited until we got a couple of trips and experiences out of the way. We're on cycle 4 right now. It's tough being on cycle 4 when others around us get pregnant instantly. Still waiting for my BFP and a sticky baby.
I think for us it will be probably be 3 years after we get married, we will have been together 10 years at that point. We will be 27/28years old and should be settled into our jobs and house and have some savings put away, plus be mentally prepared. I have always been pretty strict on what ages I feel are appropriate for things (moving out, jobs, marriage, babies etc) and I have been sticking to that so far so I don't think our timeline will change much at all.
Sounds like us - I'm a planner, the Mr is more laid back. He's ready for a baby anytime, but I have summers off from work. We are waiting to try for a spring baby. I hope your surgery is successful!
@ms lovestruck: It was, thanks. :) Sadly it hasn't alleviated many of the symptoms as I was also diagnosed with a few other things.
I'm still a planner and he's still a "whenever" guy though. Some things never change, even a few months later. :p
Heck no we don't agree. FH is the one that likes to plan and I'm the one that likes to go with the flow. He wants to start TTC a year after marriage and I want to wait alteast 2 years. I applied for a Nursing program for the fall and if I don't get in he wants to start immediately. I just want to be married for awhile before kids come.
@ AmeilaBedelia wishing you and FH the best.
For the most part we do! I think I"m more into it but I also think that has to do with me being a girl and pregnancy actually happening to ME ! DH is excited but will really hit home for him when we get a bfp! Originally we said we would start ttc in May, but we are ntnt right now and hopefully we wont have to start charting!
DH and I have talked about it and said after our 'honeymoon' in April. Now that we are getting close and I'm off BC, he's not sure. He's never been one to initate or just do, you have to push him into things. We got engaged, but it took 2.5 years to actually start talking about planning a wedding. The planning didn't happen until 2 years and 10 months, and that was because I 'forced' it upon him.
It's not that he's 'not ready' for things, he just gets nervous with change. We are both not the type of people to commit to things. I'm just hoping we can TTC by summer. I already told him I don't want to be 30 and having my first (no offense to anyone out there!), and that I do not want to be 9 months pregnant in the middle of summer. Hopefully all this talk will make him realize and just agree.
He's said many times he wants a kid sometime, but not sure when, followed by he'd prefer it earlier so he can enjoy the moments later in life. Also get the comments of not being opposed to it if it just happened.
Oh husbands.. I just wish he was one of those that would want something and tell me. I hate how several good friends of mine have husbands super excited to TTC, while mine isn't. It's kinda depressing.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Brielle | 44 |
| ndreighton | 32 |
 vorpalette |
29 |
| caseyleigh10 | 26 |
| les105 | 24 |
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| fishbone | 23 |
| lionskitty | 22 |
| SouthernGirl | 21 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Soontobee_Mrs.G. | 3 |
| melisslp | 2 |
| jaguar | 2 |
| lonsk | 2 |
| Brielle | 2 |
| foreignbride | 2 |
| luli29 | 1 |
| poetryreader80 | 1 |
| Mrs.KMM | 1 |
| electrocircus | 1 |
So, FI and I have had many discussions about this. We've been together for several years, I have fertility issues (surgery on Monday, eek!) and so, the conversation has come up a few times.
One thing we differ on is how we think about things. I'm a "planner." I like to have plan A, B, and C when possible. FI is a "wait and see" kind of guy. He doesn't make plans, matter of fact he hates them.
I'm just wondering how this should tie-in to TTC? I don't want to feel like I'm forcing him to say "Yes, in 6 months, 1 year, 4 years, etc, we should TTC" when I know he is going "Shut uppppp. Wait and see about X first." Lol.
Any of your guys not like to talk about these types of plans? Don't get me wrong, he listens to me talk about the effects of my fertility issue, he has been extremely involved in the process of pre-surgery, he's been great about that. But my Type A personality is screaming for answers! Lol. I'm also thinking I may post this to HelloBee, but I know so many more WeddingBee members that know my situation for now. :)