Do you and your SO "hang out" with someone of the opposite sex?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you and your SO "hang out" with someone of the opposite sex? Read more: http://boards.weddingbee
    Yes, we hang out with people of the opposite sex, and it's never been a problem. : (136 votes)
    51 %
    Yes, we do hang out with people of the opposite sex, and it's been an issue. : (15 votes)
    6 %
    No, we do not, but I would consider it. : (35 votes)
    13 %
    Oh HECK NO! We do not and will not. : (72 votes)
    27 %
    Other, and I'll explain... : (8 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    24457 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I don’t think that married people should go to places alone with people of the opposite sex (especially their wife’s friend!). I have work friends that are guys and we have gone to the farmers market together sometimes but we usually drive our own cars and meet there.

    Post # 4
    Member
    845 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @thisbeeisanon:  I have girl friends, FI has guy friends. I don’t think he’d be interested in hanging out one on one with any of my friends lol, but I would feel kind of weird about it too.

    Post # 5
    Member
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @thisbeeisanon:  This topic comes up frequently and I think what you’ll find is that there are people who are cool with opposite sex, 1:1 hangouts and there people who are not. What matters most is that you and your spouse are in agreement.

    For what it’s worth, DH and I are ok with 1:1 opposite sex hangouts. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @thisbeeisanon:  Personally I think it depends on the person.  There has been one instance where my DH was friends with a girl who had had feelings for him in the past, and I was never comfortable with them hanging out.  Eventually they just grew apart, so it’s not an issue anymore.  If DH wanted to hang out 1-on-1 with another girl, especially one I was friends with, it wouldn’t bother me at all unless I had reason to be suspicious of her.

    Likewise, my DH’s best friend used to live with us, and I would hang out with him all the time when DH was busy (we would go for breakfast, have coffee, even went to visit his mom once, lol!) but it was completely platonic and DH had not problem with it.

    My thought is that if there is trust in both parties, it shouldn’t be an issue.  Do you have any reason not to trust this girl, if you completely trust your FI?

    Post # 8
    Member
    1779 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @thisbeeisanon:  I think your feelings are valid. I go out to dinner or for drinks with one of my best friends who is male. My FH never thought it was a problem but I think if I proposed we go out of town hiking on a mountain together he may find that odd. There are certain things oyu may be alright with them doing (going out in public together as friends, etc) and then not (going into the woods alone together). It’s reasonable and I would just present it as such.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2687 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

    @thisbeeisanon:  Most of my best friends are males, and I’ll hang out with them on a one-to-one basis. I would never be with someone who would have a problem with that, but that’s just me. I find it to be controlling and shows a lack of trust in the relationship, and my SO completely agrees. In our opinions, if someone is going to cheat or do something mistrustful, it’s going to happen whether you try to stop it or not. He also has friends that are women, and he hangs out with them alone. I have no trouble with it at all. We hang out as groups, too, but if it can’t happen like that due to scheduling, then no big deal. 

     

    As far as your situation goes — I guess I can see how you’d be upset about it, but for me, I personally wouldn’t care. I’d rather him go out and do something he wants to do, and not be in that sort of situation alone. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9220 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @thisbeeisanon:  I completely agree with your stance on this issue.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3557 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    FI and I both have very close friends who are of the opposite gender. We’ve hung out with them one on one for many occasions. I know that nothing bad is going to happen because we are very devoted to each other and we just don’t feel that way about these friends. I trust him and he trusts me, we also trust each other’s friends because we both know everyone and they are all good people who are very supportive of our relationship.

    The one time FI saw another girl topless (she was walking around his dorm) he called me all upset about it because he thought I would be angry. It never occurred to him that if he didn’t tell me I would never know (we were in an LDR). I ended up laughing at him and asking him who had better boobs because he was so ridiculously upset about it.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2871 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My FI and I have absolutly no problem with each other hanging out with members of the opposite sex.  I actually have a good friend who lives in the UK with us living in the states.  I don’t get to see him that often, but we try to aranage our vacations together.  My FI won’t meet him until the wedding.  FI has been invited to come with us, but money and work have not let him. 

    I will tell you from the oposite side, that while your feelings are valid, I would be deeply hurt, and upset if my FI told me I had to stop seeing my friend without him.  We are very much about trust in personal lives because we can’t talk about our jobs.  

    Don’t just tell your DH no, he can’t hang out with her alone, have a conversation about it.  Be prepared with why you are uncomfortable.  It’s okay to feel uncomfortable.  He should understand your emotions and not do something you are uncomfortable with.  But that doesn’t mean you get off the hook of explaining.

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