Post # 1
It dawned on me last night that FI and I pretty much bargain, bribe, or barter with each other to get what we want. I think it all started with larger items or chores we didn’t want to do, but now it’s evolved into a daily aspect of our lives.
For example; FI: “If you let me go snowboarding with the guys this weekend and I get to buy a new board then I’ll book you a massage and buy you a new purse. Deal?” Me: “If we don’t have to go to your brother’s house tonight I’ll make you your favourite pasta and give you a back rub. Deal” Once we shake it’s pretty much written in stone.
I think those examples are simple enough, but lately things have gotten out of hand in a silly way. I feel like we are 5 year-olds bargaining just for the sake of bargaining. It’s freezing cold outside here now and we’re currently living in a condo so our latest bribing has been occuring around who has to take the dog out pee. FI will say, “If you take the dog out pee I’ll take out the garbage.” Instead of saying fine I’ll add, “Take the garbage, the recycling, and I get to eat your last chocolate and you have yourself a deal!” FI’s brother has even mentioned how ridiculous we are. He said “you guys do this EVERY time the dog has to go out, why don’t you alternate?” Aww where’s the fun in that? lol.
Haha I can just imagine what we’ll be like in our old age bartering for apples at the farmer’s market…
What do you do to get your own way? Do you bargain, bribe, or barter on a regular basis? What works and what doesn’t work with your SO?
Post # 3
We are really laid back and casual, so none of the following is like, SERIOUS BUSINESS in our relationship.
We “barter” pretty frequently. We have a golf clubs for purses policy, because he complained all the time about how many purses I have, but each on of his golf clubs cost as much, if not more than each one of my purses. So now, whenever he gets a new club, I get a new purse, or maybe a pair of shoes, if I want. Granted, we both buy these for ourselves, but it’s just a way of being equally rational with money.
Most of my halves of the barters tend to be “I’ll love you forever if you…”, so it’s mostly just him being nice.
Post # 4
i voted no, i never bargin or bribe my husband and same with him to me. there is no way in heck am i going to say “oh honeyyyyyyyyyy, if you let me go to the day spa i will buy you a new whatever”. it will be a cold day in hell when i resort to that
Post # 5
I tried this bargaining system with FI once and he flipped out on me and told me that he felt like he was being manipulated and was not cool with it at all. So no I never try to do this anymore. We just try to make sure that we both get to have our way an equal amount and try to be considerate of the other.
Post # 6
We don’t bargin or barter, but sounds like a good idea! lol!! FI makes 3 times as much as I do, and I don’t care what he spends his money on. He’s very generous and though we have worked out paying the mortgage/bills based on what we can afford, I don’t feel the need to have to have everything be equal.
Post # 7
Hmm, I don’t think we’ve *ever* done this. One of us just usually aggrees to do something. We both know what chores each one of hates doing, so we try to split things up so we’re both happy. I guess we also don’t think in terms of whether the other person “lets” us do something or not–we try to find arrangements that we’re both happy with.
Post # 8
i can honestly say we’ve never done this. usually just asking will get it done. more than not we’ll offer to do something for the other.
Post # 9
I tried this bargaining system with FI once
my hubby thrives on verbal positive praise – he picks up his dirty clothes off the floor and puts it in the laundry, i tell him how much i appreciate it and it means alot to me that he did that and he repeats. win win for both of us without bribing
Post # 10
We do it all the time…so much it has become a playful sport for him to get his way.
FOR EXAMPLE: A girl I work with is a newly-wed and her husband is a total hoot. One day she comes home to her husband telling her they have a new “house rule”. He had stolen all of her panties and tells her she will have to “earn” them back.
I thought it was a hilarious bargaining game and told my FI about it. Unfortunately, it has backfired on me and we have a similar bargaining tool in use at our home now
Post # 11
We’ll occasionally bargain with each other, but it’s completely in jest.
Post # 12
We do it in fun, and certainly not often. Kind of like “if we go to your fav restaurant tonight, _____.” Not chores really or big money spending things. Only little decisions.
I do find it a little silly over the whole EVERY TIME the dog has to go out… It would get super redundant to us.
Post # 13
@eloping: exactly what I do!!
Post # 14
I don’t think this is a very healthy habit to form necessarily. I think that marriage is about sacrifice and being selfless with each other, and doing things you don’t necessarily want to do.
I guess I do this a little though, generally when I want to buy a new sweater or something like that because my husband tends to be a penny saver, which isn’t a bad thing, and has a fit whenever I want new clothes 🙂 But generally if one of us wants something, we learn to compromise. I don’t like doing the dishes at all, so my husband agreed that he’ll wash the dishes the majority of the time, but my husband hates chores, so I’ll do the majority of the chores etc..
I don’t think you should have things be so conditional, “I’ll do this if you do this”- I start to wonder, where is the unconditional love we promised each other?
Post # 15
We do it, I never noticed how often though. It’s not like, if he doesn’t do the thing I don’t do it anyway or whatever, it’s more just a way to let him know something needs done or I want something and we have to figure out where the fundage is coming for it 🙂 And its fun 🙂
Post # 16
@eloping: Yup this is what I do now. The bargaining incident was way in the begining of our relationship. I’ve become much more wiser now, (and have read many more relationship and animal psychology books hehehe)