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I like to think that I do, because it brings out a more positive attitude in me. I'm also a strong believer in good & bad karma, too. I believe that if you do good for someone then it will eventually come back to you. Such as, if you help a complete stranger out with something he/she dropped, or helped them when they were lost, etc. then I believe that since you did a good deed, it will catch up to you and good things will happen to you. Same thing goes for bad karma. If you stole money when "no one" found out, I believe that something bad will happen to you in the long run since you did a bad deed.
I guess I am a very religious person, and try to think positive. But a lot of times I go back & forth with "everything happens for a reason". I'm starting to go back to church & I believe that will give me a better idea and better understanding to why things happen. I hate to think that an innocent person was murdered for a reason, because there shouldn't be. But then I think about how that innocent person had something better waiting for them in a better place.
Like I said, I could go back & forth. What do you think?
I think that things do happen for a reason. With all the bad things that have happened, it sometimes takes a lot for me to piece out why but I really can see how these things have shaped my present and future.
Well yes and no. When bad things happen to me, I like to think that everything happens for a reason. As in, I like to think that everything will work itself out.
But in other ways I don't believe that. I'm adopted and I don't believe that families are meant to be separated. Or that you can be "grown in another person's tummy". I couldn't believe in a god who would be so cruel as to purposefully put you inside of one person, have you grow to know them and love them inside of them and then send you to be with someone else. A lot of people might disagree with that, but that's my experience.
Its hard for me to believe I'm "meant" to marry my fiance, because I don't feel as though I was "meant" to end up where I am now. How can we truly be "meant" for one another if I don't 100 percent believe I was meant to be here in America speaking English, so far from the family I came from?
I would say mostly I try to think positvely about things happening in the future, but I dont believe the past was meant to happen the way it did because after all, we have free will and we can make choices. At any time I can make a choice to do something. Can you really truly have free will and also be destined for your future? I dont know that it can work both ways.
lol sorry to get so deep. Its something I was thinking about the other day :)
I don't. Maybe b/c I'm not religious?
I do, however, try to view most things that happen as something to learn and grow from. I think I'm a fairly positive person, but I believe that sometimes bad things just happen. I don't necessarily believe they happen for a reason but believe that what matters is how you pick yourself up, carry on and try to be the best person you can be. Sorry, that sounded kind of dorky :)
Generally, I do think this. I am more positive than negative so that might have to do with it. During high school and college, I was more negative and I'm pretty sure I was did not believe in this.
My husband is a slightly more negative than I am and he's always complaining about why a certain situation alwlays happens to him. I think he is pissed at the world a lot of the time. Usually, when something bad happens to me, I can usually think of it positively or at least neutrally.
No. And i hate it when people say it.
I lost a 4 month old in my family this year, to a painful brain cancer. There can be no reason for that.
I'm not one bit religious but I firmly believe in KARMA. Not karma in the idea that one specific situation will affect another, though. More the idea that the general energy you put into the world will come back to you equally :)
I don't, however, believe that everything happens for a reason because some things just can't be explained, especially if you are not religious (i.e. menobride's situation).
I believe that it depends on the individual. If you are someone who goes about with the idea that you want to grow as a person and that you want to become the best person you can be spiritually, intellectually, personally, etc. then everything that happens in your life will be for a reason, because you will give it meaning and importance in shaping your journey.
But if you are a person who just kind of drifts through life and never stops to think about who you are or the person you are becoming then the things that happen to you really don't have much meaning, which I think is way sadder. When a horrible tragedy happens it is only meaningless if the people who should be affected by it, aren't. It's still horrible either way, it's still a tragedy either way, but the reason and meaning to it are determined by how we respond.
No, absolutely not. I do, however, think that everything has a LESSON in it, and that we can grow from any experience. I don't believe in destiny or "meant to be".
No way. You can always turn a bad situation into a learning experience. There are evil people in this world and that cannot be explained away by "eveything happens for a reason". What reason could possibly exist to molest and brutally murder a child.
There are evil people and good people. I believe in leading by example. If there were more truly good people in this world we would be better off. Right now evil people rule supreme, whether they simply ignore their children in favor of a drink or mass murder people different from them. Our children grow up knowing mostly evil and then we wonder why societal morals have been derailed. Sad really.
I believe everything happens for a reason, but for the opposite reason that menobride suggested.
I had a terrible tragedy happen to me about 2 years ago (best friend from highschool was murdered) and believing that everything happens for a reason was the only thing that got me through it. If I didn't wake up and believe that the joys and tragedys of my life were being spun into making some kind of "Sense" for my life, I don't know how I could go on. To me, I *have to* believe that it was my friends time to leave this earth, that my FI and I were supposed to break up, that I *had* to move to another city and drop out of graduate school-- because in turn that means I believe that the good in my life is coming also-- and that the good in my life is every bit as calculated and sure to happen as the bad.
Not sure how to explain it, but it gives me tremendous peace to think that my trials and tribulations are being overseen by a loving God-- who knew from the moment I was born that all of this would happen to me, and who knows the good ahead for me.
I believe that if I changed anything that happened in the past, I wouldn't be where I am now. So if I chose a different major, or career, then I wouldn't have met my DH, and I wouldn't be married or have the DD I have now. It's a similar belief, but not exactly the same. I don't believe that I chose my career so that fate would have me meet my DH, but if I hadn't chosen that career I would never have met him. Does that make any sense??
I do believe in Drivers Kharma. That is, I believe that if you drive courteously, then your lane will be the faster lane in traffic, parking spots will open for you, etc. And when you drive like a jerk, you end up stuck in traffic. But maybe that's just a way to convince myself to drive nicely!
No, I don't believe that everything happens for a reason. I think it's a coping mechanism created by humans to provide an explanation for events in life.
I believe that experiences help shape us as people and we learn and grow from them. I don't necessarily think that all these things happen for a reason - though there are times that yes I do think this. I guess it depends on the person because there are many people who look to find reason and meaning beneath these experiences, and that phrase summarizes what they look for.
Sure, everything happens for a reason. That doesn't mean they're good reasons, though. It's not a matter of God throwing crap in your direction to make you a better person or steal you away to the heavens, that's not what it is. There are bad forces at work too. Awful, tragic forces. Thank God for the good and do what you can with the bad. :)
Not in the way that most people like to think.
Example: if I don't get a job I apply for, I don't think it's because I'm "meant" to get a job that's better for me - I think it's because someone else was better qualified, or I didn't have a good interview that day, etc. I think that I can learn from it and keep working hard, and therefore make the best of that situation.
I don't believe in any kind of fate or ultimate plan, but I do believe that people who are good and kind tend to receive more kindness simply because we help those that we like/love more. We invest ourselves in those we care about. And, on the flip side, bad things happen to good people. I know one of the kindest families in the world who has had everything bad under the sun happen to them - their daughter was born with Down's, then the mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, the dad had serious health issues, and their son started showing symptoms of a neurological disorder. Their insurance ran out and they live on one policeman's salary. Yet they stay positive. I don't think that was part of any plan or that there is any higher power helping them through - I think that their family and friends are there for them, and they lean on each other. They find strength within themselves to get through it, and as a result they are strong.
I know everyone has a different philosophy, that's just how I see things!
I agree with @crayfish: that with work, and sometimes hard work, we can grow from experiences.
This conversation reminds me of this career development theory called planned happenstance. The name is an intentional oxymoron - it's the idea that events aren't just destined for us or blind luck, but that we can create opportunities out of the things that happen in our lives.
I think it's okay to believe that things happen for a reason, or that they don't, as long as we use that belief for good, and not for making excuses (not that anyone here is saying that).
@lilyfaith: I totally agree with you. And it is really obvious you have a scientist's mind ;)
I want to because it makes everything easier, gives bad things a purpose. I tend to believe that you are in control of your own destiny and will get the best results by making well informed and weighed decisions. There are just some terrible things that happen in the world that I can't find any reason for. Anything "good" that comes out of it is purely coincidental.
I used to but not anymore! Nothing major happened to change my opinion but I'm a firm believer that sometimes things just happen, bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people and I just don't understand it. I'm a religious person but I don't believe everything happens for a reason, I think things just happen sometimes w/o an explanation.
@lilyfaith: I am so with you on everything you said.
My FI is very into "everything happens for a reason" and to be honest, it sometimes irks me because I feel like sometimes people use that expression as a cop-out or a crutch. I think a lot of things happen in life that are senseless, and its okay to say that. But some people cope with it better by trying to say it happened for a reason - personally, I feel that diminishes the significance of a serious tragedy. It's fine to say what you learned from something negative, or how it shaped your life, or how you took it and made something positive from it, but I hesitate to say that means something bad was meant to take place for those things to happen. For example, no matter what the eventual positive outcome, I never think God or any other power means for children and young people to die. I recently lost a good friend who was 29 and accidentally overdosed, and I do not believe for one second that happened for a reason. Sure, we can grow from it, but that's not WHY it happened. It happened because the world isn't perfect and bad things happen and people make bad choices.
I think everything does happen for a reason. This became even more apparent to me after my 19 year old brother died in a tragic car accident. There seems to be no reason on the outside, but I know there is when I think about it more in depth. I think many times, the "reason" is to spare that particular person from more tragedy or to have others learn a lesson from it. Or for the simple fact that bad things happen in this world. I also believe that tragic things happen in order to test our faith.
I guess i have a very differnet view. I feel like my brother was taken out of MERCY because his life was on a downward spiral. Had he continued, he likely would have gotten killed or OD'd himself, and I feel like he was taken out of Mercy at such a young age. It's a viewpoint I never had until a few years ago
No. I think that things just happen.
There are too many shitty things that happen in this world that can't possibly have a good reason behind them. Rape, abuse, genocide, catastrophic oil spills... I suppose there are causes behind those things, but those causes are not reasons.
I do believe that we all have free will and that we should learn from what happens to us and grow as people.
I also believe that some people cope with tragedies by believing that there is a higher power orchestrating everything. If that makes thoese people feel better, then I'm all for it. But I don't believe it myself.
I also hate when someone tries to console me after something bad has happened by telling me that everything happens for a reason. It never makes me feel better.
Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes that reason is because someone else is a jerk. Events, both good and bad, shape our lives and the person that we become. Sometimes the smallest thing (an offhand comment someone makes) becomes a huge catharsis in our lives while sometimes a big event (like losing your house because you actually just spent your mortgage on other stuff instead of paying it) happens and people still don't learn anything from it. There are some things we can control, like our environment (to an extent), our diet (within affordable reason), what we do for a living and who we share our lives with and other things we can't (like getting most types of cancer, losing a friend to a terrible tragedy, etc.)
I am religious, but I often have a "crisis of faith" because I just don't think God is manipulating if I get a certain job, don't drop a fence post on my foot, etc . .
For the most part I do. I was disappointed when I didn't get into grad school, but I met FI because of it, that sort of thing. But I also believe that if someone dies, it's not because God wanted it to happen. I'm with the guy that wrote "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". When crap happens, we find God in each other and in our caring for each other.
@babyboo: Thanks. :) I adore social and evolutionary psychology! And abnormal psychology. And neuroscience. Really, let's just say if I don't get into grad school I have no idea what I'll do with my life haha...
No, not really. I mean of course there's cause and effect but I also believe in randomness to a degree, like chaos theory stuff - lots of little reasons snowballing but not because there's any grand scheme. The way the saying is it just seems too passive to me.
I guess I've always heard it as everything happens for a reason, you just don't know what that reason is yet. But to me, it's you who's going to make the difference and action. I am Christian and do believe in divine intervention and guidance and all that good stuff, but I also believe in free will and that being a big part of religion, the choices you make in response to situations are important and you're not just passively part of a bigger plan.
And if someone said that phrase to me after something bad had happened I would feel a strong urge to kick them (not act out on it) because it just sounds condescending, like you know some secret but in reality they don't know the reason either, and it could have just been a really small stupid thing and not some all important thing. Don't confidently tell me you know this is part of some plan when someone is mourning and that this badness fell for some important reason, to me that's not comforting or positive since it could be untrue.
I don't want to speak for other people that are in the "Everything Happens for a reason" camp, but I'd just like to clarify my POV a little.
When I say that everything happens for a reason, I don't mean that I think that a child getting murdered, or my friend dying or ejs's brother getting killed in a car accident happened IN ORDER TO teach us something, or happened IN ORDER TO bring about some great "plan". But I do believe that those people had *predetermined amounts of time on earth* and that it was their time to move on to heaven.
The *reason* they died is because it was their time to die, God knew from the moment that they were born that this event would come to pass in their life-- I believe he knew from the moment I was born when I will die also because how long we get to be here on earth is decided from the moment we enter it.
I think that God probably mourns the loss of a young person or child who dies in a tragic way just like we do-- I don't think he is up there clapping his hands together as part of a huge master plan. He (and I) just realize that there are evil forces on earth just like there are good forces. Sometimes one wins out, sometimes the other does.
For us, I know that one of my brother's friends got clean and sober after the accident and has gone into ministry to help others. He has actually told us it was because of everything that happened to my brother, after watching all the suffering. I can't help but think that perhaps my brother's purpose, on some level, was to teach B something, and in turn, he is going on to help others in a very large way. Maybe i'm just stringing things together, but a situation like ours is all i meant to imply by teaching someone a lesson. I don't mean it in a vindictive and cruel way, like you're being taught tough love or anything. Ah, i hope that makes sense. I guess whether you look at it like there was purpose to begin with or whether something good just happened to come out a bad situation, well, that's too much philosophical talk for me =]
I don't believe that everything happens for a "good" reason. To think that ever death is to help teach someone a lesson, or every job lost is to open a better door, I think is unrealistic of the world we live in. However, there are always good and bad reasons. I think everything happens for a reason, we may not like the reason, and we may not see or understand the reason for a very long time. In the end though, I do believe that everything happens to pull everything together.
i am a STRONG believer that everything happens for a reason. I also believe that there is an ultimate plan and that while i might not like or understand things that happen to me, its all for the best. even if its just a learning experience to make me stronger to deal with lifes big challenges down the road.
seriously, after dealing with cancer, auto immune disorders, deaths, breakups, losses, accidents, etc. i HAVE to believe that its all for a reason. And life has shown me over and over that it does have a large purpose.
my fav quote is from Mother Teresa - "i know God only gives us as much as we can bear, i just wish He didnt trust me so much..."
@spaganya:Ditto, I have that Mother Teresa Quote in my car.
I think once you have been through a great deal of pain, suffering, and loss, it solidifies your opinion on this matter. I have dealt with all of the above, and for me, it seemingly proved that it all lead to something good. I think you might have read this about me before, but I was literally miraculously healed in Lourdes France, and that changed EVERYTHING, including my opinion on this matter.
I don't really like the phrasing "everything happens for a reason", if only because it can sound smug and condescending to a person that is really hurting. If someone had come up and said that to me right after I lost my dad, or my brother, or my nephew, I'd have been tempted to slug them. Of course, I have said it myself (although not to a grieving person). I think maybe a better way to say it is that I do believe there is meaning in everything that happens, and lessons to be learned, and opportunities to grow. I don't think that's why bad stuff happens, though.
I don't think God messes with us, in other words. I don't think He's putting us through little mazes like lab rats. He gave us free will. We always have choices. Some of our suffering comes from our own bad choices, but lots of times it comes as a result of other people's bad choices. Other times - like a child with a terminal illness - well, it's just what it is. Random. Terrible. Maddeningly unfair. Maybe if we could see the whole picture as God does, it might make some sense, but we can only see one little bit and therefore it seems senseless. But no matter how many times we get knocked down by life, we can always choose whether we're going to get up or not. We can always choose to do better or do worse. We can choose to get stuck in the badness, or try to find our way to something good.
I guess I have a problem with everyone has a set time on earth that is predetermined. So if I smoke 2 packs a day and die of lung cancer at 50, was that just how I was supposed to die? Or would I have died in a car accident on that day if I hadn't smoked b/c my time on earth was finished?
I guess if I believed that everything happened for a reason, this concept would be easier for me to understand. Although I don't necessarily agree with the everything happens for a reason but we all have free will camp, I do get where people who believe this are coming from. I just can't comprehend the "it was their time to die" argument?
@Amani: I agree with you 100%. I can see how those people are religious could draw such beliefs and conclusions (not that everyone does, obviously!), but when you take belief in a higher power out of the equation (or at least an intervening one) it's pretty difficult to believe in predetermination, which is what I have a major issue with.
I personally dislike that phrase (and agree with FontGoddess and others that it can come across as quite smug if you are really hurting), and I don’t believe it’s true in the way the phrase is meant to be taken. I also don’t believe in “fate” or “destiny” or a “master plan”.
I don’t believe that everything happens in order to each us something. The more pain and suffering I see (or endure) the less I believe that “everything happens for a reason”. My MFIL is a lawyer who deals only in child abuse cases. What she deals with 24/7 defies reason and any sort of logical “plan” I can believe in. But that’s just me personally.
I do think that you often “get what you give” but I believe that happens because we’re in control of our actions and that our actions most of the time have often logical reactions, not because of some cosmic version of justice.
Nope.
Whille people's lives can be changed for the better by tragedy, and those experiences are precious, I think the idea that "everything happens for a reason," as in there is a greater purpose for things, is crazy myopic. As we speak, there are children dying hungry and alone in the streets of towns we will never know the names of. Their lives will have been short and anonymous. No one will learn a lesson, no one will be stronger, no one will embrace every day as the last for the death of that child.
Life can be cruel, petty, and random. For most people who have ever lived, it has been. I think ignoring that fact is a tragedy.
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