(Closed) Do you bring your kids to a wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Not at all!  That’s how I plan to address my invitations because our wedding is a winter evening wedding.  If people start responding that they are bringing kids we will have to make phone calls.  I have a feeling it is inevitable *sigh*

Post # 4
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

It needs to say “and Family” if kids are invited.  They are NOT invited otherwise.  It’s tacky IMO if kids come along if they are not invited.  You only plan to invite certain number of people and plan everything around that.  What if the reception area you picked didn’t include the children all these people were inviting themselves??  You would screwed if you ended up with too many people.     

Post # 5
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I have typically seen invites addresses as “The _____ Family” or “Mr. and Mrs. ___ and Family” or something like that when kids are invited.

However, if the invitation is just “Mr. and Mrs. ____” I would not assume the kids are invited unless there was something in the invitation itself saying that there are X seats reserved in your honor…where X was 2 + the number of kids.

After hearing about these RSVP dramas…I definitely will be idiot-proofing my invites in hopes of smacking them over the head with EXACTLY who the invite includes so there is no confusion.  Or at least only a tiny bit of confusion because that seems inevitable.

Post # 6
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with the others, when it is said And Family. There isn’t always going to be a budget that allows a bunch of kids, plus the appropriate actions in making sure they behave themselves during the nuptials. Etiquette usually was the only people invited are those that are on the invitations. I think that is actually a good rule. If they want to bring their kids and there isn’t to be any, they can always decline.

Post # 7
Member
14750 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am not comfortable taking my children to weddings unless they are very close family.  My son in 17 and he has only been to 2 weddings with me, my brothers and my fathers second.  I would never assume children are envited unless their names are on the invitations.  We are worried about this happening to us also, we have very few friends with children and I do not want the children, outside of the close family, at the wedding.  I have been dropping hints about this every time we see these friends, and will have the FH talk to them when we send out invites.

Post # 8
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with tksjewlry.. .children aren’t invited unless their names or “family” are included on the invitation.

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you don’t want any kids at all it’s a good idea to put “Adults only reception” or something like that in the invite, but it is rude to assume your kids are invited if the invite doesn’t say The____ Family, or something like that.  Also, if there is an inner and outter envelope, and you want to ‘idiot proof’ your invites, address the inner envelope with the exact names of everyone invited at that household.  If people still RSVP with their kids, they need a phonecall. 

Post # 10
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Well what I’ve seemed to notice is whether or not the invite says “Family” or “Mr. & Mrs.” people tend to think of weddings as family affair and well that includes even your youngest cousins.

My FH has a really large family and we knew we couldn’t get away with a no children wedding given we’re having a morning ceremony and brunch reception so we are providing childcare for the ceremony and inviting the whole fam for a casual brunch.

We originally planned an evening “affair” and I was going to say Adult only!

Post # 11
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@dance seriously, there is NO WAY to idiotproof an RSVP.  I addressed the invite only to Mr and Mrs XXX.  No mention of the kids anywhere.  I did online RSVPs and when you put the code in, it only gives RSVP options for the parents.

I did have a write in area…for allergies or special dietary needs.  I have one friend that is deathly allergic to oats and decided since I don’t know all of FI’s family, if there were anymore deathly allergies I needed to know.

Mr. and Mrs. XXX wrote their kids were attending in the special dietary needs section.  This was after a BBQ the week before where we had discussed the kids and I was told they’d be going to grandma/grandpa’s house.

Sigh.

Post # 12
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

So is it rude to put ” Adults Only Please” or something along those lines on the invites themselves? I only have a few children coming to the wedding and they are either in my bridal party or my sibilings. some of the families are HUGE with 6 children and although i LOVE them, i dont have the room/money for all of them!

Post # 13
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ugh that is so rude!  I am really hoping we don’t have people adding children (or any additional guests really) to their RSVP.

LNT, yes it’s rude to say adults only on the invitations.  The best way to go is just say something like “2 seats are reserved for John Smith & Jane Smith,”  And on the our envelope don’t put “and family.”  If people still add in extra names, I would call and very politely tell them that you’re venue doesn’t have room to accommodate extra guests.

Post # 14
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree, there is no way to “idiot proof” a wedding invitation. After scouring weddingbee for all kinds of advice, we decided to go with including just the names of the couple and had “X number of seats have been reserved in your honor”. Even with that, we STILL have people calling/emailing/pestering asking if they can bring their kids. It’s really hard and frustrating, but so far I’ve stuck to my guns. We love kids but can not accomodate 30 of them at our wedding!

Post # 15
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t have kids, but when I do, I will not bring them to a wedding unless they are INVITED. For the life of me, I will never understand why people have such a difficult time understanding this concept. It is RUDE to add people to an RSVP card who clearly were NOT invited, no matter who they are. IMO, it is just as absurd to add your army of kids to a wedding invitation as it is to add your best friend Gail, the next door neighbor, your Great Aunt Edna, and the family dog.

It annoys the crap out of me that I actually had to have the words “Adult reception to follow,” printed on my invitations, and that the response cards had to state “we have reserved 2 seats in your honor.” If that makes me rude, then I think I’m in good company- as there have been countless members of the ‘Bee here who were also forced to word their invites the exact same way.

Post # 16
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We are also putting “two seats have been reserved in your honour” for coworkers, etc. where we have never even met their children.

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