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I told my boyfriend years ago when we were still casually talking about getting engaged someday that I didn't care if he got me a real diamond or not. I've had many friends say that they would never do this or don't understand it.
I have several good reasons:
1) Sometimes you really can't tell it's not real. There are some nice quality cubic zirconia stones. I just don't want one that looks like it was really cheap.
2) I will work in a Dental office soon as a hygienist and can't wear my ring for 30-40 hours of the week anyways.
3) I'd rather him spend the money on something else...either it can go to a wedding fund or towards a down payment for a house.
4) After we have more money he can upgrade to a real one for an anniversary or something if we want to at that time.
What do you think? Have any of you told your SO this? Or would you care if he got you a fake diamond ring?
I love the diamonds in my ring, but very honestly, I would have loved whatever my fiance could afford. You're right—it's often hard to spot a fake. And what really matters is the concept that you're getting married, not that you're wearing diamonds on your left hand. :)
I think if no one pretends its real and you knew what he was going to get and were fine with it then thats ok, but if he said it was real but it wasn't that'd be really deceitful. I'd probably go with a cheaper, colored, gem stone before I went with something that was "pretending" to be something else. You'd either have to keep telling people it wasn't a diamond, or you'd have to lie and say it was because most people would assume- and you know what they say about that.
I wish I could say that I'd be fine with whatever, but honestly I wanted a real one. Its the only "real" piece of jewlery I own and its important to me. I wear it everyday though and I plan to wear it everyday for the rest of my life so I wanted it to be special. To me having the real thing was worth it.
I can already see it... everyone gettin all controversial on this post haha. I think you should get whatever you can afford! My sister has a cz and i think it looks fine! until i put mine next to it.. and honestly, who will be comparing rings with you? no one. I got a real diamond bc FI was getting a bonus at the time and had saved up for it so we could afford it. We wanted that expense to be out of the way and not have that as an extra bill when we were married. You make legit reasons so do what you want and what will make you happy :)
I would be lying if I said I didn't care. I would prefer a real diamond. But I would have to agree with Papercrane in that I would prefer a different, colored gemstone over something that was trying to look like a diamond. But that's just my preference. I would accept and cherish whatever my FH could afford.
My FI really wanted to get me a real diamond (I'm the saver, he's the spender), although I would have liked to see the money go towards our home or something.
I have to admit, though, I do really like my ring :)
I wouldn't have minded a lab-made diamond or other center stone, as long as he didn't try to deceive me into thinking it was real and it wasn't.
I would not want a fake diamond...but I also couldn't walk around with a fake Louis Vuitton or Chanel bag...just something about me know it wasn't real......I'm sure I'm not of the majority but oh well..
I mean, given a choice, yeah, I'd want a diamond. But if a real diamond meant no engagement, I'd for sure be okay with a "fake." The engagement mattered more to me than the exact ring.
My fiance made it very clear there was no way he was buying a diamond - we could use one from grandparents or buy something non-diamond but for a whole host of reasons he wouldn't pay for a diamond. I didn't want a ring at all and had to be talked into wearing one, so i was fine with that, and we ended up with an emerald ring. Have you considered something like that? I have a friend with an aquamarine that no one would mistake for a diamond, but it's reeeeaaally pretty. There's a whole host of semiprecious and precious stones that are way less expensive, so you save money, but you also don't have to worry about people thinking it's fake.
To be honest, I think it's really great to spend less on the ring. It can always be upgraded later. The issue is more how you'd feel about wearing it in public and dealing with other people's reactions - if someone asks if it's real, would it make you feel bad to say it's not? Would you want to lie? Would you be super psyched to tell someone that it's a cheaper alternative for at least the time being? It's about what makes you feel comfortable.
I didn't care if it was real or fake as long as it didn't look cheap. I, too, prefer that the money go towards something more useful (house, student loans, etc.). I also didn't want him borrowing money to pay for it.
My FI got me a real diamond and made sure the cost was within his means. I love my ring and love it more knowing that he was wise with choosing it.
@Entangled: i agree about it being upgraded later. but i hope no one ever says "hey is your ring real?" sorta rudeeeee eh?
Honestly it wouldn't bother me... after all this money was spent on my real diamond ring, I came on here and started reading about Moissanite rings and wished I got one of those instead LOL... we would have saved a lot of money to put towards our house, and who would really notice the difference. But not everyone thinks this way. Its your own personal choice, but if you really want to get married, but can't justify spending the money on a diamond, why not go for the latter?
I woulda wondered why DH was hoarding his money and being a cheapskate, not buying me a real diamond, considering our situation at the time...
. But really, i wanted the classic diamond engagement ring and he seemed surprised at the idea of anything else. He's a traditionalist.
I have a 2 ct diamond and while I love it and love what it represents for us...I see it as a total waste of money. If I had it to do over again, I'd have requested something else and saved the $$ for something else. My ring costs about as much as we spent on our wedding & honeymoon together which looking back I find a bit ridiculous (and I'm sure people around me find selfish)
After just 3 wks I'm starting to regret my diamond wedding band. The prongs catch on my hair, and I know as soon as the first stone pops out (which is bound to happen soone rather than later since the stones go all the way around) I'm going to REALLY wish I had something simpler. That said, I also LOOOOOVE how they look together=)
Yes, I would've cared. My husband was able to afford a nice ring and I love it :) If we'd been in a different financial situation at the time he got the ring, he probably would've purchased a smaller diamond, but still a real one.
Like @ejs4y8 my husband is a traditional man and I don't think the idea of a CZ or any other gemstone would have even crossed his mind.
I agree with all the ladies who say they would rather have a less expensive gemstone than to have a moissonite or a CZ which is essentially pretending to be something that it isnt. I believe everyone should spend within their means but I just don't like the idea of having something that's a "fake".
My engagement ring has a 3 carat center stone with a half carat on each side. My husband could afford it easily without going into debt, so I have no problems with the money having been spent. And I do get asked ALL.THE.TIME. if it's real, which is super annoying. So if you are concerned about having to say it's not real then don't get anything large, because people will ask.
Also, to follow on Twalila's point I have heard a lot of people say they think it's ridiculous to spend more on the ring than on the wedding. My parents paid for the whole wedding so we didn't have to save money for that expense but the cost of my engagement ring was more than the cost of our wedding... and I have NO issue with that. In fact, I think it's a much smarter use of money. If we ever got in a situation where we really needed cash, my ring is an asset that could be sold for a quite a lot of money. The wedding is not an asset, the money is long gone.
My BF is traditional and I think he will buy me a diamond ring rather than a CZ. I've seen some really nice CZ rings, but personally I want a diamond for my engagement ring.
In my home country, women usually wear plain bands as engagement rings, with no diamonds or precious stones at all. These rings basically look just like wedding bands, and they are usually not worn after the wedding ceremony. I have to say, I personally think diamond/precious stone rings seem more romantic, as you wear them with the wedding band after the ceremony.
There are plenty of options besides either a diamond or a CZ. Don't box yourself in like that :)
There are so many pretty gemstones that are much less expensive than diamonds. Or maybe a ring with an intricate design on it rather than a stone?
If we couldn't afford a diamond then i would probably just want pretty band that had some sort of etching or detail to it. I wouldn't want a stone in it unless it was real.. but a pretty diamondless ring would have been fine
i wouldn't want a fake diamond. i wouldn't mind another kind of stone, but whatever it is i wanted it to be real.
I would care. If you are going to get jewlery for an important milestone as is getting engaged, then it should be at least real. Size and whatever else doesn't matter or shouldn't matter, but I'd at least like it to be real
I would care. I hate saying it, but it's true.
I got a real diamond, but it's small. Having a real diamond was important to me because the thought of having a "fake" diamond symbolizing our engagement just didn't sit well with me. I know, it makes no sense because a diamond doesn't determine the status of your relationship, but that's just how I feel :)
I have to say that if given the choice I would actually prefer the fake, and I did have a choice. I don't know if he bought a ring yet but when he was asking for my opinion I showed him several nice ones, one was a sapphire (both our birthstones) so not all were CZ, one was actually real but just smaller. He could afford a real ring so this is not about having enough money right now. I just hate the thought of wearing all that money on my finger when we could use the money for something else. I want to buy a house in the next year when I finish school and that's more important to me then my ring being "real".
I told him I don't want a big fake ring, because I don't want people to assume it's fake based on size. I also won't lie about it if they ask but most people don't ask...at least I don't think they do...I've never once in my life asked if someone's ring is real or fake.
The comment about the purses is funny to me because I too don't like when people carry fake designer purses. I have several Coach purses and had a fake at one point but was always worried people were thinking that. I guess I never thought of a ring the same way until I read that. Hmmm...I think I've still got my mind set though =).
I agree too that it would be completley different if a guy proposed with a fake ring and tried to pass it off as real. This is something we both agreed on. I do understand though that to some people the diamond is a priority and I think everybody should do what makes them and their SO happy.
I would not have wanted a fake diamond. And honestly, I wouldn't have really been happy with an alternative stone (although I would rather have that than a fake diamond). I wanted a real diamond.
@Carpie: Sounds like you know what you want and are confident enough in your decision. I hope your bf paid attention and you are happy with what he picks out. I think even in just the past five years it's becoming slightly more common for women to choose non-diamond engagement rings. I bet in 10-15 years it will become even more so.
I wanted (and got) the real thing. But real or not, is not what annoys me. What annoys me is when someone tries to pretend that their moissanite/CZ is a real diamond. If someone gets one of those stones they should be happy and confident in their choice and not try to pull the wool over anyone's eyes about what the stone actually is. I just don't think that's cool.
I would prefer to have a diamond. There is something so sentimental about it to me and the pieces of jewlery I do have from BF are pieces I wear EVER.SINGLE.DAY! They are something I really value and each piece has a significant attachment that I really feel connected to. My engagement ring will be an extension of that and such a powerful statement of his love to me. If he couldn't afford a diamond I would prefer a gemstone of some form but to me, a diamond is just so significant.
Also, BF said that he would not buy a CZ or a gemstone because he's traditional like that and he doesn't want to upgrade because he believes that you buy this ring once and it is a lifetime piece that should always be a representation of that day. You can't change your wedding day later so why change your ring. Just his thinking.
I want a real diamond. I'm not gonna fake the funk and pretend that I don't. I certainly wouldn't get one that look like a diamond. I'd rather get another stone than a fake one. I'm like that with purses. I don't carry knock-offs. I do have expensive purses, but I'll go to Walmart and get a purse before I get a knock off purse. (Walmart does have some nice purses & clothes now.LOL)
BUT if you are faltering with money in other areas, you need to get that situated. Just like with a wedding. Yo butt can't afford it, get it together first and prioritize. Need before wants, but that"s in everything!
Unfotunately, not everyone is blessed to have our family pay for our entire wedding and for the FI to buy a 6Karat diamond ring with no impact on his budget. In the real world, costs related to rings and weddings can have a huge impact on the couple and families involved.
When we looked around for rings, we went to Robbins Brotbers just to see what kind of styles they had and all their displays had CZ's. If I would not have asked, I would have thought they were all real diamonds. Only a small part of thier display (a particular line, and I cant remember the name) had real diamonds....about 10-15 rings total. So unless you are showing your ring to an appraiser with a magnifying glass, no one is going to notice.
A real diamond can always be purchased later on and placed on the ring. So you can splurge on the wedding, provided someone else is not flipping the cost for you. You can save in the next 5 yrs and then buy the diamond best suited for you budget and tastes.
Another option is to go real, but smaller and upgrade later on. Mostly all jewelry stores have some kind of Upgrade program....you should look into this.
If you go CZ, I agree with 6Karat girl, Moose, dont go super big, because fake pretentious people that have no concept of manners, whose only priorities in life include whether someones ring is real or not will actually have the "you know what" to ask if the ring is real.
In a real world though, normal people do not commonly ask if your ring is real, nor how much you spend on it. If a superficial pretentious person actually asks you this, I say find another friend.
Good luck....hope you make a decision that works for you. What really matters is the love you share and the committment you are about to embark on with one another. Remember, the ring is a symbol of this committment and love.
Be good to one another and the rest will fall into place:)
For me personally, I would prefer a diamond, BUT also not a large one. I have a budget in mind and while we aren't close to buying a ring yet, we have discussed how much the "average" engagement ring costs and how rediculous that is. I have told him I wouldnt feel comfortable with him spending more than a certain amount and when the time comes, we will look at getting the best value ring for our budget.
I think everyones circumstances are different and you really have to go with what works best for you. If you go for a CZ then the only people who it affects is yourself and your partner.
Good luck!
Yes, I definitely care. I also care a lot about the quality of the stone as well.
If not being able to afford a ring is the only thing holding someone back from proposing, and if I was waiting to be engaged, I'd be ok a with a fake stone for starters. I would however expect it to be replaced with a real diamond before the wedding. And if his money was going toward his own hobbies during the engagement instead of saving for the diamond, I would not be happy.
I would not expect it to be replaced by the wedding and I hope my SO spends money on his hobbies. Life is too short to not spend it doing things you enjoy. A real ring will not make me happier then knowing my partner is happy. A "fake" ring will not mean that our engagement is less real or his love and commitment are lacking. It just means we've chosen to spend our money in other ways on other things that make us happy.
That's not to say I wouldn't mind getting a real ring some day in the distant future...although I'm not positive I would want to. At that point I'll probably think of something else I'd rather spent a few thousand dollars on =p. I know the reasons for not wanting a real one now (for me) will not change between when we get engaged and when we get married.
I'm surprised at how many people care that they get a real diamond. It was interesting to read the opinions and I appreciate the response.
@Carpie: I won't speak for the other ladies who wanted a real diamond but my opinion is: Why get a clear stone *engagement* ring if you don't *want* a diamond?
If someone truly doesn't want/value having a diamond ring, they should look into other gemstones (which are gorgeous IMO). Getting CZ or moissanite as a "fake" actually says that you do want a diamond and especially if you aren't up front about the nature of the stone to anyone, it will seem you want it so bad you're willing to lie about it.
Also, I have never asked, nor have I been asked, whether a diamond is real or not. But I have made comments like "that is a beautiful diamond!" That's when I would expect someone to pipe up (proudly) and say "Thank you but it's actually a beautiful CZ/moissanite!"
I don't care if my ring had a diamond in it but I don't want a fake one like a CZ. Just like I wouldn't want a fake handbag I just hate fake things. I actually told my SO that I wanted a blue sapphire e-ring to which he replied no. He wants to get me a diamond so diamond it is his very traditional.
@ja7975: To answer your "why" question: Personally, I like the look of a colorless stone and dislike diamonds. So moissanite was a really nice fit for me. I also checked out white sapphires during my search. While I'm sure there are a lot of women looking to pass off a moissanite or cz as a diamond (and I agree that's unfortunate), there's probably just as many that are happy to tell you about their stone. I've never tried to disguise my ring as anything other than it is.
Also, if you have never asked, why are you assuming people are hiding something about their ring?
Honestly, I would never get a fake diamond. I value honest, real things. What is the point of a fake one? I would rather have a plain gold band over a fake diamond.
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