Do you compare your relationship to others?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@linnylou_88:  Nope, but most couples I know don’t have the same relationship as we do, so it’d be difficult to compare.

Post # 4
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Not really… I have learned that what you see from the outside doesn’t always reflect reality. Especially when it comes to those “perfect” celebrity couples, you know?

I mean sure, if friends do X I and I think it’s a good idea, then I’ll suggest it.. but for the most part I try not to compare. I am sure some comparison is only human, though.

I’m really bad when it comes to comparing looks-wise (like for myself), though.. or even money-wise (who has the bigger house etc.)… I need to work on that. Totally agree that comparison is the thief of joy!!

Post # 5
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@linnylou_88: I think the “grass always looks greener” happens to evereyone at some point. Not in the same way, but moments of it. 

There are times when I think, “it would be nice if we did that” or “were like that,” but then I make a decision…either we try something like that or decide it’s not really something we would enjoy doing/being.

At the end of the day, I love the way DH and I are as a coupl. Do we have areas to improve on? For sure. But there are so many things I wouldn’t ever want to change about our relationship.

FWIW, I think comparing is natural. It’s human nature. But learning to be content and confident in your relationship is what is important. 

Post # 6
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I do compare, but not in the way that you are describing. I have a few people whose marriages I admire. They have gone through their ups and downs, and are still going strong. I observe those marriages to try and figure out what makes them work as well as they do. And I do “compare” our marriage to those examples to see if there is anything we can learn from them.

I’ll use my brother and SIL as an example. They spent many years on opposite sides of the TTC fence, with my brother being the maijn holdout. My SIL was extremely patient with my brother as he came around to the idea. Now that Mr. LK and I are in the same position, I’m trying to be a bit more patient like SIL, and Mr. Lk is planning to talk to my brother and get some insight to his side of the story. We compared our relationship to theirs, saw similarities, and are using that comparison to help us navigate this difficult time in our own marriage.

Post # 7
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t purpusedly compare, but if I read a topic in ”emotional” or know about my friend’s relationship issues, I always think to myself : I’m so lucky. I never have to deal with these issues. We do not have issues. And although we have disagreements like any other couple, we never fight, because we have a great communication. The only thing I would compare and envy are materialistic things (house, money), but that’s not ”comparing relationship” it’s ”comparing assets” 😉 Emotionnally speaking, I honestly believe it’s close to perfection (to us).

Post # 8
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

No. Not at all. As you mentioned, comparison is the thief of joy. I firmly believe this and never compare myself to others.

Besides, I truthfully believe my relationship is worlds better than most peoples I see. If you’re unhappy in your relationship or theres something lacking in your relationship, I could see comparing, but that’s not my situation.

Post # 9
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@KC-2722:  Just out of curiosity, if you think your relationship is so much better than others…then aren’t you comparing it to others? By stating that, you are placing your relationship on a tier above others…therefore comparing. 

ETA: FWIW, I think it is a little presumptuous to say that people who compare relationships are lacking or unhappy. Comparison can provide healthy ways to gauge where your relationship is and how to improve it. It can actually drive a couple to want and do better. To think one’s relationship is perfect can lead to stagnation and an inability to improve (which everyone has room for). Identifying where you can become a better partner is a sign of maturity. 

Post # 10
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My biggest problem with comparison is not looking over and going “Oh, I want that relationship,” but more going “Oh, well, our relationship is better.”  My FI and I got some lucky breaks that have put us in a very good position in our lives, which has helped our relationship at the same time. I am trying very hard to stop doing this, as it can be just as bad as looking at the greener grass. 

Post # 11
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bmo88: As a general statement, I do think my relationship is better than everyone elses, because its mine. I see a lot of people stuck in terrible situations and am thankful that I don’t have to deal with issues like that.

I guess thats technically comparing to others, although I took the question to mean.. do you see couples that have something you’re lacking and wish you did this or had that. Which no I don’t, if my relationship were lacking something, I’d ask for it instead of making comparisons.

ETA: Totally fine if you think its presumptious to feel the way I do but.. I think comparing is a waste of time. Of course I think mines better, its mine and I’m really happy in it.

If you see a couple who does something or communicates in certain way and you’d like to do that, I’d refer to that as working on your own relationship (which I do a lot), I wouldn’t refer to that as comparing yourself  to them.

 

Post # 12
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@linnylou_88:  Um. I totally compare all the time and I almost always win 😛 Hahaha. I’m kidding. But my friends are all in kind of stressful relationships so I do kind of marvel at their ability to put up with that array of crap. Then FI’s friends all have calm, fun, supportive relationships like ours, so I like and appreciate that. I haven’t found it stealing my joy at all. 

Post # 13
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I can’t say I’ve ever compared the Relationship that I have with Mr TTR to those that others have.

BUT I have compared this relationship to others that I have had (and I know he does the same)… it sort is an inevitable thing if you are and Encore

Lol, fortunately, we BOTH say that this is the best Relationship of our lives.

Laughing *BIG Grin*

 

Post # 14
Member
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think I compare our relationship to others per se, our relationship is our relationship so you probably won’t find one like it. But I do take heed to the good points and bad points of other peoples relationships and use them as a guide to mold parts of our relationship. Example, one couple I know rarely have sex because they do not actively make time for it. Whereas I/we make time for sex each week (unless it’s period time), even if it is just once. 

Post # 15
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

I actually do and tend to think we do it better than most of those around me lol. Don’t worry though, i don’t tell people that in real life.

Post # 16
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

@linnylou_88:  i think mine is more like “wow glad we dont fight like that” or “i would be pissed if my bf did that” or something along those lines. It is still judging and comparing.

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