Post # 1
…your FI went to a strip club for a friend’s bachelor party – which was ok with you – and you told him 1) no touching and 2) no lap dances and he got a “stage dance” instead without telling you until days later. A stage dance is where the dancer dances against him while sitting on the stage. Especially if he paid her to put his face between her boobs and shake her chest back and forth, which violates the no touching rule?
Post # 3
Hmm….that’s a tough one. I don’t really know. I would lean toward yes, since you told him no touching and he did it anyway.
For me, I would have to say no…I don’t know why though. If he were to do it with a girl at a party I would consider it cheating, but with a stripper I wouldn’t. Isn’t that crazy? I don’t know why I feel that way!
What would be cheating for me is when you gave him stipulations for going, which he obviously agreed to, then violated that and waited to tell you.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t call it “cheating” but it isn’t right. It’s a violation of trust, and that’s horrible, but I don’t think I would call it “cheating”. Lying is more like it…lying about his intentions when he went to the club.
Post # 5
@MandaMack: agreed. i dont think it’s the stereotypical definition of “cheating,” but it’s definitely wrong. he lied. he had his face in a stripper’s “bosom.”
would i leave him for it? probably not.
would i work through it and make damn sure he understands what he did wrong? HELL YES.
Post # 7
No I don’t think it’s cheating. IMO, that’s the point of going to a strip club for a bachelor party. It’s not just for teh bachelor, it’s for all the guys participating. The stripper is being paid to give the lap dance and rub her boobs in his face and she does it in front of everyone so I’m OK with it. It’s the back room action that makes me a little uncomfortable. I know she still doesn’t consider the guy an actual romantic interest and they aren’t having sex, but I just don’t like the idea of the lap dance happening behind closed doors with touching.
Post # 8
I agree with the PP’s that it’s not quite cheating. But it definitely is lying and disrecting you (if this is about yourself). You told him “no touching” so it doesn’t matter if it was a stage dance opposed to a lap dance.
Post # 8
@Linz1231: If he were to do it with a girl at a party I would consider it cheating, but with a stripper I wouldn’t. Isn’t that crazy? I don’t know why I feel that way!
I feel the same way, and I think it’s because fi would never be in a public place motorboating a random chick, know what I mean? The venue is what makes it less cheating-esque, I mean, he was on a stage in front of people… Well that and in my mind motorboating is more silly then it is sexual, hahahaha, and it makes me think of wedding crashers…
Post # 9
I wouldn’t consider it cheating, but dishonest. I dont think it falls into cheating category cause it was a little stage show, for some stupid fun, and he probably got nothing outta it (I hope).
oh, i just saw the comment about it not cheating cause its a stripper, but a random girl at a party, then definitely and I must agree with that too. For me it’s part the enviroment, and cause a stripper is just that. Objectified. Not really a ‘woman’, but a show or an act. And there’s no real feelings of any sort for it other than, its a strip club, and theres a random pair of boobs or whatever.
Post # 10
@moderndaisy: agreed. Most things that go on at strip clubs I wouldn’t consider cheating (except things like sex, oral sex, etc, if that stuff does happen). I’m not saying I would be happy about it, but I don’t think it’s cheating, especiallly since it’s more a part of the “strip club experience” and less about him being attracted to the girls.
Post # 11
@mandamack – Haha, I am glad you know what I mean! I don’t really know how to explain it! LOL. Would I be thrilled, obviously not. Surely our FI’s wouldn’t motor boat random people… I hope not at least, LOL!
Post # 12
I think that if it is something he would not do with you there then it is cheating. Plus it is gross in my opinion.
Post # 13
I said yes because “no lap dance” was a stipulation in the strip club being ok, I think it’s manipulative to instead get a “stage dance” which is essentially the same thing. It’s like finding a loophole to still get your way.
It’s cheating in my eyes to have another woman’s private areas on my mans face, absolutely. Stripper or not, I’m not down. And I’m someone who is fine with strip clubs, I’ve been and it’s all good, but touching interaction with them is not okay in my books. Which is so odd, because I’ve paid for previous BF’s to have a lap dance when out with their buddies as a treat, but I guess that’s how I know I have my keeper now because it makes me sick to think of another woman touching him.
Post # 14
I would be very disappointed. It’s not something to leave him for but I would ask him if it was worth breaking the trust over.
Post # 15
@Vitsippa: I agree, thanks.
Thanks for the comments, everyone.