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DH and I have a very egalitarian relationship on most accounts...but I don't consider myself a feminist. I'm curious how many of you feel the same.
So...do you consider yourself a feminist? Or do you have a traditional relationship where the woman cooks/cleans, the man is primary earner, etc? Or somewhere in between?
Absolutely not, FI makes the money, I stay home and take care of the little one and when we live together I will do the cooking and cleaning. It is just what works for us.
I am in fact a feminist- feminism promotes equalitarianism across all genders, orientations and etc- my faction of feminism is somewhat post modern (feminist discourses on equality for women in different societies, races, classes, etc). I am an activist on woman's issues and Im involved in women's and gender studies as well. My focus for my graduate studies will be in this area, and my SO is aware and just as passionate as myself on such issues too. Its one of the major contributing factors of why we go so well together- its a big part of our value systems.
@GirlWithARing: I most definitely consider myself a feminist. I know that in our relationship I will be the primary breadwinner ($$ wise) and that is something I am okay with as long as FH helps out with the children. Luckily I have picked a career where I can be mom and career woman.
As for chores we don't live together at the moment, but I plan to divide things evenly. I plan on having a compromise system where I take chores he doesn't like, and he'll take chores I don't like.
Eh.. I don't exactly consider myself a feminist. I mean, I agree with a lot of what feminism stands for EXCEPT for all the "women must work, they absolutely cannot stay home".
Feminism, to me, means equal rights for both sexes but with the right to choice. Right now I'm unemployed and SAH. I do all the cleaning and cooking and laundry. When we move and I get a job I'll still do all of the household chores, simply because I can do them better and quicker.
I'm not sure what "egalitarian" relationship means. But my parents are extremely conservative and tend to follow the typical man and woman roles. FI and I try not to do this but I do tend to do a lot of the housework because I'm nice. Everything else we do together
@Gingersnap: the idea that there is no choice in regards to SAHMs is promoted by SOME feminists, not all- many tenants of post modern feminist theory and modern feminism advocate a personal choice to all women- as long as that choice is made freely with awareness. Thats the faction I follow myself personally.
I believe that women should have equal rights and protection under the law to vote, make the same wage, and to be whatever they want to be. Women have equal status to men in terms of their opinions, values, beliefs, etc.... they're just as valid and have just as much a right to be heard.
With that said... DH and I do have a very traditional relationship, but it's by choice. I tend to do more cooking and cleaning because I like it. DH fixes stuff and takes care of our cars because he likes it. We both work, but live on DH's income in order to put mine away for savings, since I want to eventually stay home for several years with our kids and we figured we might as well live on one income from the start. It has nothing to do with him being a man and me being a woman... we just use our strengths and interests to benefit each other as a couple.
When making decisions, we make them together -- he doesn't domineer me, and I don't manipulate him into doing what I want. It's very give and take, looking out for the best interests of each other.
I don't know if that would make others put the label of 'feminist' on me or not, but to be honest, I don't really care about the label. I'm more concerned about having a strong relationship with DH where we both feel supported, heard, loved, respected, and that the other is doing what's best for our relationship.
@Bellanouva: Oh yea I know it's not the belief of all feminists, it's just the more commonly publicized notion.
Do I believe I (and ALL women) should have the RIGHT to make a CHOICE (to work, stay home, to raise children, to not have children, to vote, etc)? To make an equal wage for a man in the same job? To have the same opportunities, responsibilities and rights? Yes. Absolutely. I'm a feminist.
I really hope that all of us are feminists, and that all of the men in our lives are too. As @JeniRae said- if you believe that women deserve the same rights and opportunities as men, you are a feminist.
Heck yes I'm a feminist. In college I was the vice president of our feminist group. :)
We don't live together yet, but we've talked about dividing chores evenly. In theory, lol, it will happen though I'm sure we'll have an adjustment period. When it comes to money, I'm going to make more than him. His job has a 24-on 48-off schedule, so he'll be doing a lot more childcare than I will once we get to that.
Along with many other feminists, I do believe mothers and fathers should be 'allowed' to stay at home with their kids, but I don't think it should be the mother by default.
YES! I was just about to post this!
I believe the being a feminist means that women have the right to choose!
They can stay at home, or work, or earn more or not have children or raise the children - whatever they want to do they can!
Even if it is a women's choice to be completely submissive, then that too is her choice. As long as she is happy and not forced into that lifestyle then that is her choice.
I feel the same way about men, they can stay at home or work or anything!
Feminism = choice
FI and I have a very traditional relationship. I take care of the house, family, and him...but this is a role I really enjoy. I don't consider myself a feminist, but I don't consider myself the opposite either. I just seem to have fit into the traditional domestic role from a very young age, it just is who I am.
Could we have a "Yes and we have traditional roles" as a pole option? Pretty please?
I consider myself a feminist. I also should mention I am strongly considering staying home when we have children. My mom is a feminist, and she stayed home with us when we were young. In my view, feminism is about feeling that women should have the same rights as men, and that a woman has the right to choose what she wants to do. I think that's the more modern view of feminism. My husband and I are very much equals, and if I do choose to stay home, that won't change. We make decisions jointly and work very much as a team. :)
Both my fiance and I are feminists. Its one of the things that I love most about him.
We treat eachother like equals, its important to us that we divide household labor. I will stay at home with our children when they are born, but that is a choice we made together because he will make much more money, and we'd like for our kids to be able to be at home when they are little. We still plan on dividing up some household labor so that our kids see dad cooking dinner and folding laundry, and mom mowing the lawn and working on the farm.
Feminism is one of the most defining things about my perspectives on the world and the choices I have made in my life.
I incorporate feminist therapy into my practice as a social worker, regularly attend feminist events, and am part of several feminist organizations. My fiance does these things as well. He wears a pin from the White Ribbon campaing (men working to end men's violence against women) on his white coat.
FI and I have a very traditional relationship. I take care of the house, family, and him...but this is a role I really enjoy. I don't consider myself a feminist, but I don't consider myself the opposite either. I just seem to have fit into the traditional domestic role from a very young age, it just is who I am.
@JeniRae: Couldn't have said it better!
It's a bit sad that the word feminism automatically makes people think of women burning bras and saying they don't need men in their life. As with any group, there are always extremists, but ultimately, as others have said feminism is about equality and hell yeah, I am for every person being treated the same regardless of gender, color, sexual orientation etc...
With FI and I, it's very much an equal relationship. We natually fall into some of the traditional roles (I clean and do the laundry, he cooks and fixes things) but that's more so because I have my own way of cleaning and if he does it, I inevitably go around after him and do it my way! He's the same with me cooking and/or trying to fix something! As JeniRae said above, it's all about choice! The beauty of feminism is that I've chosen the role I have, no one has dictated it to me and that freedom is liberating! :-)
I wouldn't call our relationship non-traditional but I don't think it's the most traditional. We have a pretty good balance. I do the majority of the cooking and cleaning because I enjoy doing it. I also have a job and go to school full-time. So does the (soon to be) Mr. He mostly takes the trash out, fixes broken things and gets the lids off of tricky jars.
I think very often the term "feminist" has many different meanings. If we are talking about property rights, women voting, and equal pay I think most women (and men I suppose) could call themselves feminists. If we are talking about the idea of rejecting sexual norms and traditional gender roles then I think you may find a pretty varied opinion.
@Tickles: Added that option - didn't realize this could be an option, but makes sense after reading the responses =)
We are a definite mix. I consider myself an egalitarian- sort of a feminist- I believe in non-traditional / I don't believe in traditional gender roles. However, I believe in choice, that I can stay home if I want, but that doesn't mean I am more pro-woman or vice versa.
@GirlWithARing: Thanks! Although now I can't vote because I have already voted. *sigh* Oh well! Hopefully some others will find it useful. :)
"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute." - Rebecca West
I am most definitely a feminist, and have been one for as long as I can remember. To me, what that means is that I believe in equality for men and women, and that everyone should be able pursue the life that is right for them.
But it also means I question the social/political/economic structures that frame those choices, and make it seem natural that, for instance, women's work is consistently paid less and valued less, or that women disproportionately bear the costs of "caring labor" such reproduction, child-rearing, and elder-care.
Fighting racism, homophobia, and poverty is also part of what feminism means to me, although it does not always mean that to everyone who calls her/himself a feminist.
I am a historian of women, gender, and feminism in the modern US, so that shapes my perspective considerably.
@GirlWithARing: Why do you say you don't call yourself a feminist? I'm not asking in a critical way; I'm just curious why that word doesn't feel right to you.
@mightywombat: I think you may be my new fav on the boards :) I had no idea someone with a similiar academic background frequented around here! Im very much interested in the same material and perspectives on feminism and gender studies. I am pursuing a history graduate degree with a focus on Latin American feminist values and perspectives.
@mightywombat: Love that quote! I'm definitely a feminist, and have been since I was a little girl. My Barbies definitely weren't waiting around for Prince Charming/Ken to rescue them!
@Bellanouva: Hey that's awesome!! Feel free to PM me if you want to chat about it :)
@mightywombat: sweet! I will have to :) I have my fingers crossed that they liked my proposal enough to want to let me into the program...I think I will have to do more volunteer work in woman's issues though around Vancouver this year if I dont get in, they are really looking for extra curriculars this year with applicants. Do you do alot of active work in the community by any chance? (feel free to reply via PM)
Sorry for the threadjack ladies!
I consider myself a feminist in most aspects. While I won't be the breadwinner I will have my own career doing what I love. I believe that all women deserve the equal rights to a man whether it be in decision making to working to salary to all equality.
But BF and I have a sort of traditional relationship. I don't mind cooking and cleaning some things and BF always helps me cook and the things I dont' like to clean he cleans. So that's takes care of that. But he supports me and loves that I have career aspirations of my own.
I think it's important to establish a definition of a term and as this can be a fairly personal term I think we each have our own definition to an extent. My personal definition of feminism is equality for both women and men and that each individual has the right to make the choices that are best for them. I think each person should be able to make the choices that are right for them - to work, to stay home, what type of career etc and in the workplace I def think that men and women are equal and I also believe that there should be equal pay for equal work.
@mightywombat: Good question - I guess the people I've met who identify as feminists are pretty aggressive and political about women's rights, which is not me at all. My mindset is more about being strong and succeeding in a male-dominated environment than questioning/changing that environment.
@mightywombat: THIS!
I definitely consider myself a feminist, but not in the overly aggressive way that seems to get so stigmatized. I guess I would label myself as a post-modern feminist; I believe that every woman should have the ability to choose what is best for her own situation without societal pressures to mandate that she conform to any one thing- and that includes the extremes of "women MUST stay home" as well as "women MUST work."
The only thing that women MUST do is be happy with the way they choose to run their lives.
I said no and traditional. But I will probably make more than him, he will probably cook (he's better than I am) and so on and so forth. We don't try hard to be egalatarian... I just tell him what I like and don't like to do.
I completely agree that we are all feminists, as long as we are leading lifestyles that we CHOOSE, and aren't forced into.
DH and I tend to fall into traditional roles, but a lot of that is my fault. He is gone 6 months a year, so when he gets home, it has become naturally for me to do all of the cleaning, and I went to culinary school, so cooking is my passion. At the moment, we make about equal pay, but in a few years, he will more than triple/quadruple our current income, but I don't expect anything to change then. I have no interest in being a stay at home mom when we have kids, and since in the off season he can stay home, he will likely take care of the baby during the day.
heck yes! I believe that women should have equal rights and opportunities as men. FI feels the same way. Our roles are pretty traditional, though. He makes more money than me but we split the houeshold chores and cooking.
I think it's BS that men get paid more than women
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