Post # 1
So I feel like this is silly, but sometimes I feel guilty about the guy I slept with for the first time after my first date with my now fiancé, and for the last time a week before now-FI and I first slept together. And I hadn’t even totally wanted to sleep with the other guy the last time, but he did me a big favor and I was broke but wanted to repay him. I think part of it is that I tell my FI everything, and I’m not sure whether he knows what I was up to before we became exclusive, which was the day after we first slept together. But it’s none of his business, and in the scheme of things, we both know it doesn’t matter, clearly I chose FI.
Anyone else ever feel like this?
EDIT: Maybe I posted this on the wrong board, I’m not really looking for advice on my personal feelings, just wondering about other people’s. Thank you though.
Post # 3
@anonicorn: I don’t regret sleeping with anyone before FI (the only other was my boyfriend of 3 years). I met my FI on a dating website, and I went on my first date with him, and then went on two other first-dates with two different guys. I went on my second date with FI, then a second date with one of the other guys! I just wasn’t sure I really liked FI enough to stop seeing other people…but I decided it wasn’t working with the other guy, and by the third or fourth date with FI I realized how much we had in common and we became exclusive 🙂 I still feel very minimally guilty (I voted maybe?) for going on a second date with someone else right after my second date with FI (who was clearly interested in being exclusive), and if I had slept with the guy I would have felt REALLY guilty!
Post # 4
Shoot, I feel guilty for sleeping with my now-fiance before we were exclusive. He was my first, and I wish I had saved that for a committed relationship. But I was dumb, infatuated, and too niave to say no.
Post # 5
Can’t say I ever feel guilty about my past. I did nothing wrong in having relationships with other people before I was with my DH. They obviously weren’t a good match for me, but they are perfectly fine people. All of my previous relationships taught me something about myself and lead me on the path to finding the right person for me. It’s all good!
@anonicorn: I don’t think you need to rationalize your previous choices. Sex is a normal part of life.
Post # 6
Not at all. Nor do I feel weird about his past sex life. Now I know that neither of us can say “what if?” when we take our vows (if that makes sense).
Post # 7
@anonicorn: I’m sorry, but I’m a bit confused about the way you worded the first part. I get that you feel guilty about sleeping with someone – first time you slept with them – after your first date with your now FI, but the wording of the next part is a bit confusing for me.
I have never slept with anyone other then my FI. He has slept with one other person, the girl he dated right before me. I don’t judge him for it because it was the right choice for him at the time.
I don’t think you should feel guilty about anything unless you cheated on someone or if the sex wasn’t consensual (and the consensual part would mean if the person you slept with didn’t want to or consent; if someone is raped then they should never feel guilty for what happened).
Post # 8
I feel guilty for having sex before marriage with my now DH.
But he was my first & only, so luckily I don’t have to regret being with anybody else before him.
Being with only one man for my whole life was really important to me.
Post # 9
If I end up thinking about that time in my life I don’t feel guilty, I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I slept with some seriously questionable dudes, ugh.
Post # 10
@jwdesiree: That makes sense to me, I am happy in general that I had sex with other people before FI, I was always too curious about sex to really be interested in the idea of only ever trying it with one person.
Post # 11
Nope, but I’ve wondered if he has ever resented that I lost my virginity (after waiting till nearly 26!) less than six months before I met him. I asked him and he said no, that would be ridiculous because a) I can’t predict the future and b) he’s had more previous partners than I’ve had.
I don’t regret it because I was in love with Dude #1 when I slept with him and I wasn’t in love with S/O when I first slept with him. Sex with S/O is much more special now than it ever was witb Dude #1 but it didn’t start out like that…
Post # 12
DH was my First but we broke up at one point and I went crazy and had a really bad rebound and slept with another guy … it didn’t mean anything to me and I honestly can’t remember much of it…. and I still dont’ even feel bad about that… it drives him crazy sometimes and the only thing I feel bad about was that I wasn’t in love with the other guy not that I did it beacuse I believe sex is about love….
Post # 13
I’ve had 4 partners in my life – 2 of which I regret having sex with ! They also happened to be non-significant partners in my life. One of them only wanted sex with me but forgot to mention it as he was making me believe he wanted me to be his gilfriend – I found out he was sleeping with his ”friend with benefits” all along. The other was a rebound after I had broken up with my ex (but eventually went back with him). From the moment we started dating, he kept being critique about everything I said or did. And he gave me the ”blue balls” excuse a few times so I kinda felt like I had to have sex with him. I was young and naive and I regretted giving myself to him, I should have been more selective I guess, but oh well … that was 8 years ago !
First guy I had sex with was my ex, with whom I’ve been in a relationship for 9 years total. I was in love with him and he was a very significant person in my life all along. I do not regret this at all.
4rth guy is my now-fiancé, and I do not regret anything we’ve ever done together. Our connection was incredible and discovering each other in bed when we started dating was really fun ! We lived 3 hours away from each other. Sometimes I would call him on a Wednesday and tell him : 7 pm, at this hotel that was mid-distance from both our towns. Good old days ! 😉
Post # 14
@anonicorn: I don’t feel “guilty” necessarily. I had previous partners and I was SO’s first, so it’s a little weird to have a “past” when he doesn’t, but he doesn’t seem to care. I also didn’t sleep with anyone after we started dating, but I did sleep with my ex for the last time after SO & I had started chatting online but before our first date. I did feel a little weird about it at first, but honestly, my ex being the ass that he was pushed me to change my priorities and made me ready for the awesomeness that is my SO, so no regrets!
And for my two cents on your particular situation— I wouldn’t tell him about the last time you had sex with the last guy. There’s no good that can come of it and if you two weren’t exclusive, it’s really none of his business. My SO did ask early in our relationship (before we had sex) when the last time I had slept with someone was. I told him “Oh, we don’t have to talk about that” and it never came up again.