Post # 1
Sometimes the internet can just ruin your whole day?
I’ve been feeling pretty good about waiting for the past week. Happy/hopeful/etc. Then today I stumbled across what was essentially a “waiting thread” on a completely unrelated forum (not the bee). The advice on the thread mostly consisted of stuff like “if a man really wants to marry you he would’ve done it already” type stuff. For some reason it just felt like a punch in the gut. Now I’m back to feeling insecure, unwanted, and pissed off about feeling that way. Just had to vent, thanks ladies.
Post # 3
remind yourself that men take time to be ready, and the situation. Can get in the way too. Yeah, I could get married now, but the situation is way less than ideal. We’re just waiting on life at this point
Post # 4
@EmmyGirl: ugh yes…totally hate reading advice like that. One thing I’ve learned in the past 7.5 years is that life is not one size fit all…therefore what’s best for one isn’t going to best for me or you. I get it though! Hope your wait ends soon!
Post # 5
Uh, I totally know the feeling. However, I agree…not all relationships are one size fits all. What make work for some may not work for you. Besides, good things come to those whoe wait!
Post # 6
Honestly, I think the only people who say those things are the ones who HAVE gotten engaged/married (or whatever it is they wanted) but forgot all the hardships that their own relationsips may have gone through beforehand. People can be very harsh and will often throw around statements that really only revolve around their own situations and circumstances.
Hang in there.
Post # 7
I know many women who have gotten engaged really quickly and have never experienced “waiting” I would think that most of the people saying those things are people who haven’t been in our shoes, or forget what it’s like.
I’ve read things like that on here too. Also, people saying that you don’t need money to get married…….okay, yes, I can go get married for $50 and wear we can both wear jeans and a band tee, but I do want a wedding as well, and those ARE NOT CHEAP!
Money is the main reason SO and I aren’t engaged/married yet, and sometimes it really sucks!
We’re here for you!
Post # 8
@EmmyGirl: Yes, this annoys me too. As PP’s have said, this kind of BS is normally spouted by people who have got exactly what they want and didn’t have to wait for it.
Post # 9
@EmmyGirl: *hugs* Don’t let it get you down. My SO told me he wants to marry me, but he won’t until he feels he’s financially stable! It kills me, but what can I do but wait? Men are funny creatures.
I would agree with PP that people who think that men won’t wait until a certain time are deluding themselves.
Post # 10
I totally feel your pain! sometimes “advice” like that makes me question my relationship. And then I realize that’s dumb. I actually think SO is the smart one in the relationship. After we graduated college and moved in together (in 2010), I was convinced we’d be married summer 2012. But now that I think about it, we would have had a hard time having the money for a wedding. Yes there’s always eloping or going to city hall, but I do want a wedding (and I know our families do too). So while I may be frustrated that he seems to be dragging his feet, I think he’s actually been smart about this whole thing.
Also, I literally just came to that conclusion today lol
Post # 11
It’s definitely not all cookie cutter – some relationships, you could tell that the guy is just dragging you along whereas others, you know that you’re both on the same page and he’s just being a guy and taking his time not realizing how much it kills the waiting party!
I always say you know you better than anyone else. You know your relationship better than anyone else, and anyone else who thinks they know better can suck it. 🙂
Post # 12
@Laurenplusalex: @purpledaisies: @beautifulgirl17: @mscuppycake: @memo:
@MsBeer: @aithinne: @pineapplez17: @LTD418:
Thanks ladies! I’m just feeling especially emotional this week (damn hormones!) and reading that stuff just put me over the edge. I’m sure you’re all right that those women just never had to wait. I know that relationships aren’t one size fits all but obviously I hate waiting so it’s not like this situation really “fits”me, you know? I’d much rather be one of those oblivious women who never had to go through this!
I’m actually really jealous of you ladies who are only waiting because of money. At least that is a tangible reason! We have savings and our own place so I can’t really give him a valid excuse. What makes me insecure is that I don’t know what’s holding him back at this point, other than just taking his sweet a** time. Maybe he is waiting for a specific date? When I’m sad about it he’s very comforting & reassuring but won’t give up any info.
Post # 13
@EmmyGirl: well, I don’t think we’re truly waiting because of money. SO just isn’t quite there yet. But I can put a positive spin on it by thinking that we wouldn’t have had the money for a wedding. Until now. We actually could afford it now, but now I’m back in grad school! silly me! He could still propose tho and just give us a long engagement (which I want anyway).
So you’re not alone in this, don’t worry!
Post # 14
@EmmyGirl: How long have you been with your SO?
Next month is 6 years for us, so I think if he had another reason other than money, that would not be okay! lol.
Sometimes with money, it makes me feel so helpless because I can’t really do anything about it, ya know?
Post # 15
@memo: Just a few months away from 6 years, also. So yeah, it’s been way too long by my internal clock. I’m holding out hope for our anniversary but if I doesn’t happen by then I think I’m going to have a huge breakdown. I just feel like I was so patient for so long that I have none left.
Post # 16
@EmmyGirl: Totally get you! I even posted my story on the waiting boards here on the bee, and got tons of “He would’ve done it by now” and “red flag” comments. About a month later, he proposed! He was waiting for me to be finished with grad school. Everyone’s situation is different, try not to let other’s opinions influence your feelings!
If you guys have a strong relationship and are on the same page, it’ll happen. Honestly, while knowing that there were so many other women in my same situation (waiting in agony) was nice, being on here was seriously kind of painful and made me dwell on things so much more! My advice would be to quit looking at wedding websites and just try to enjoy every day!