Sorry that is so long. If you actually finish reading this, you get a gold star!
Thank you for the responses ladies. I didn’t know anyone had answered until recently. My family has been supportive of my divorce, I have (unfortunately) been in several mentally abusive and controlling relationships in the past. When I got divorced I told everyone I was getting divorced, and out of respect for my ex and not wanting to bash him, I didn’t give a complete explanation of everything that went on (Cheating, lying, emotional abuse turning into semi violent outburts). Mainly told people that I was too hurt to talk about it. I’ve explained in more detail since, but I don’t think that the full gorey details are something to be shared. I guess the real reason I feel so bad is something my Dad said when I told him I got engaged. I normally have a good relationship with him, but I was crushed by his comment.
When I told him that we got engaged he replied “Thats good I guess” Which was hurtful enough, but when I told him, “yes it is good, why would you say it like that?” he replied “You just don’t have the best track record” I held it together on the phone, then lost it after and bawled my eyes out. I sent him a text telling him how hurt I was and how I would have expected it from anyone but him. I’ve only told my mom and my sister what happened, I’m honestly too embarassed to tell anyone else. He apologized profusely and tried to explain that he was trying to make a joke (we have in the past joked about how much of a jerk my ex was). He felt really bad, but it just makes me wonder if other people feel that way too.
My Aunt is now trying to get out of coming to the wedding. She has the money to come, doesn’t work, has no animals or any obligations at home. But she keeps making excuses. She won’t speak to me directly about any of it. I feel like she’s not coming because it’s not important to her. I know that if it ws my first wedding she would come. But it’s not, and I’m allowed to make anyone feel obligated because it’s my second wedding.
We recently reconnected with an estranged side of our family, all three of the Aunts from that side, whom I am just starting to have contact with over the past 3-4 years, are coming and supportive. They came to the first wedding and haven’t made me feel bad about anything.I am even friends with pretty much all my Ex-inlaws, even my ex mother in law told me how much happier I seem and that she’s happy for us.
I haven’t actually explained anything to anyone, I don’t feel like I should need to, least of all to my family who have all met him. There’s just that lurking feeling that that makes me feel the need to defend myself. We’ve been dating almost 3 years now, my life has completely changed and I am a much different person than I used to be. I’ve grown so much, and I don’t take sh*t from people anymore (just ask my Fiance 😉 )It hurts to feel like they expect me to fail.
I know that we’ll be ok, I just wish everyone would have a little faith in me.Smedays it feels worse than others, I just want to scream at people and tell them if they don’t want ot come because they don’t believe in me/my relationship, I don’t want them at my wedding anyways. Of course what I really want to say involves far more profanity than I should post here.
By The Way I know what my dad said is awful, I’ve made peace with it and love him, so if anyone replies, try not to bash him.