- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I don't want to but I am SOOO stubborn I do anyways. FI doesn't really do anything to try to change that. He thinks it is best to give me my space LOL. I am a taurus so it is in my nature to be stubborn.
I've heard that as women, we tend to dwell over things and hold grudges longer. I definitely fall into this category. In fact, last night we had a huge fight about me not cleaning the kitchen and I debated going to my parents house! I ended up staying, but we fell asleep not talking and not touching. I had to get my old pound purry to cuddle with! I know they say that you aren't suppose to go to bed angry, but it happens sometimes and in my opinion, its totally normal.
We don't fight much and I don't get angry very often but if we are having a difficult conversation/getting upset, I don't mind if we sleep on it. Sometimes it's better to revisit in the light of day - things can seem a lot more manageable then, and I can cope with a difficult conversation much better when I'm well rested!
we very rarely fight, and if we do its usually a miscommuication of some sort. We have a made a promise to each other to never go to bed angry. And to also never let a fight escalate to the point where we need to go to bed angry.
There have been times when I have walked out of the house and sat on the back steps to get some distance, take a breather and calm down away from the situation. After 15 minutes or so, I go back in and we will normally have both settled enough to talk like adults.
We were friends long before we comitted to a relationship with each other. So we used to talk quite objectively with each other about many different things before sharing houses, lives, finances and children became involved. I think that helps alot!
Sometimes I think we're too exhausted to kiss and make up. We've gone to bed angry...but at least we wake up happy (9 times out of 10).
FI and I met in grad school and were just friends (but pretty good friends) for a few months before we started dating. While we get on each other's nerves sometimes and definitely bicker, we rarely "fight." I don't think we've ever been really angry at each other for more than 30 minutes.
I don't go to bed angry, not that I don't try to. Which is really not cool, but its basically for show! I do the thing where I storm off and slam the bedroom door. But, I just toss and turn, there's no way I'd actually get restful sleep like that. So I usually end up getting up, storming back into the room my FI is in, and we resolve it then. Usually we get over things really quickly, but there have been a few times where we end up staying awake WAY past our bedtime. Hahaha, its kinda funny to me, thinking about how ridiculous I can be.
The one thing I will never, ever, ever allow, is for us to leave the apartment angry. Or really, to even separate. I am always fearful that something horrible could happen and obviously no one wants an argument to be the last thing shared. Eck, scary thought!
I think most experts agree that stepping back from a fight to cool off is a good, if not essential technique. For some people it’s 15 minutes, for others it’s overnight. For each person and couple it’s different. I’m important to not just storm out and avoid the topic. Let the other person know you are ending things now and will continue this once he/she has cooled down.
I think what is important is how you fight. Dr. John Gottman calls them ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’—Do you use Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and/or Stonewalling? Dr. Gottman’s research shows that it’s not so much that you fight, but how you recover after a fight (along with the ratio between positive/negative interactions).
My FH and I rarely have big fights, but after one big fight we grumpily crawled into bed. I was hurt and pissed and just wanted to sleep as far away from him as possible. And I know he felt the same way! But bless his heart, I felt his hand snake over to mine and hold it. He was still pissed, I was still pissed, but he was a big enough person to reach over to me. We fell asleep, still pissed, but holding hands.
If you want a really good book about how to have a successful marriage, read "The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" by John Gottman.
This is a great summary of his book and the research he’s done. http://www.psychpage.com/family/library/gottman.html
I HAVE to resolve issues before going to sleep. Usually if an arguement is earlier in the day I resolve it with a couple of hours.
I guess it's because of my church upbringing ("Don't let the sun go down on your anger") but also because I couldn't stand waking up on the morning and still having something hanging over my head.
You never know when you may never see someone again. The last thing I'd want was to be angry at someone over something small.
Sometimes after a fight, I want to go straight to bed, but my fiance never lets me until he's tucked me in, gave me a kiss and I feel better. I go to bed angry, but I go to sleep happy.
I have gone to bed angry a couple of times but am usually good about resolving the issue...or atleast getting the anger out before i fall asleep. I have dreadful sleeps...tossing and turning if i go to sleep angry, so not worth it in many ways!
I can't go to bed angry. We've tried before, but I absolutely cannot sleep if we're still fighting/upset. I have to talk it out with FI, no matter how long it takes. I'd wouldn't mind going to bed angry, but I just never can!
We don't fight all that often, but when we do we always try to make up before going to sleep. The last time we tried going to bed without making up, we actually couldn't sleep so we ended up staying up late to resolve the issue.
If we're having a fight, we always go to bed angry because we know we'll be more rested and "clear" the next morning to talk about it. Whenever we fight, though, it usually stems from stress and lack of sleep, so sleeping on it pretty much fixes the problem to begin with anyway :) We very rarely fight (or should I say, strongly disagree with each other).
At our Engaged Encounter, they said that you should try not to go to bed angry, but that if you can't avoid it (e.g. it's just too late at night to discuss the issue) you should agree to stop the argument for now and set a time to come back and discuss the issue. I think this is good advice, since you both know you will try to resolve the issue (you're not just blowing it off to never discuss it), and you get to have a cool-down period if you're angry.
Sometimes we go to bed a little frustrated, no matter how hard we try to resolve things before we sleep. Usually we wake up happy and able to see the other one's perspective in a new light. Even though sometimes we go to bed angry we never leave the condo angry or each other's company. Sometimes we'll be in separate rooms to cool off but in the end, like sironel, my FI likes to tuck me in before bed regardless of an arguement we may have had ( :
Neither of us hold grudges, we'll be upset or angry in the heat of the moment, but once we talk, hug and kiss we move on. We've never gone to bed angry, and I hope not to..
we rarely fight...and if we do the prob normally is resolved quickly, but in the rare case its bed time near a fight, we never ever go to bed mad. ever. it might be because ive lost so many and i reliaze how quick something bad can happen, or because we both agree we just cant do that, either way, we def make sure by bed time everything is resolved. i remeber when he first left for this deployment we agreed to be extra careful with the arguing. making sure to be aware if one was coming or making sure we listen to the other and hear what they are saying, so for around 4 months we didnt argure.... well one night i was upset about something and said,screw it, im gonna vent, ive been good with this deployment this long, im gonna get it out. well, right in the heat of the darn argument (we were on skype) we both hear..."wwwwwhhhhhhhhhoooooooowwwwwwhhhhhhhhoooo bunker down!" he said i gotta go! ill be back as soon as i can. i love you!there has been an incident!!.....welll ladies, let me tell you, that was the most horrible, grueling, gut wreching 3 hours of my life. dont worry he and everyone were ok..... but this will never, ever happen again. im very careful,now to not argure, and if we do.... resolve it pretty quickly.... man, i cant believe i told people that....feels good to get those things out.
I have definitely tried to go to bed angry, but he never lets it happen. I'm more of the one not wanting to talk about it, but thank goodness he always is determined to resolve things/talk it out.
we both don't like to...but we do sometimes. This past friday night we did. we were arguing ALL day and tried to work it out before bed. we were both exhausted and just pissy with each other and were getting nowhere. we went to sleep. we woke up and said our i love you's and apologies and got on with our day!
i'm usually the one that likes to talk and can't do anything else before its resolved... hes the type that likes to get some space, then talk. for this little argument, a good nigtht sleep was all we needed :D
Sure do.
I never get it when I see the wedding shows and people put that in their vows. I always laugh to myself "yeah right". Going to bed angry isn't gonna permanently hurt your relationship. Shit happens and doesn't always get resolved by the end of the night.
I've gone to bed angry a few times. Mostly it's because most of our arguments start in bed. We kinda work opposite schedules so we mostly only see each other at bedtime. Usually it's over something really petty too, sometimes I can even remember the next morning what we were fighting about.
FH and I don't really fight much but we do sometimes have very heated debates. I have gone to bed mad a few times, because I'm hot tempered and I know that if I don't sleep on it, I might say something really stupid. Under usual circumstance, we do try and talk it out, but it doesn't always work. We're both stubborn as mules.
I have trouble being in a fight with Kingy for longer than 10 minutes. i absolutely wouldn't be able to go to bed angry. Usually we fight for a little (5-10), then need a little quiet time (maybe a half hour if one of us is really mad) and then we can talk about it and work things out. It makes me really uncomfortable to leave things sour between us for long. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that so far in our relationship we've either been LDR or one of us living out of our comfort zone to be with the other.
The only time I went to bed angry was when the Boy decided not to come home on St. Patrick's Day. He knew how mad I was and I told him not to both coming home (he was blacked out and I was home sick). That was 2 years ago, and a lot has changed since then. Needless to say, we had a lot of conversations about it during the following few days, and he had a lot of apologizing to do. Other than that, we always talk it out before bed, even if I'm still annoyed, I'm not "mad"
Yes, sometimes. I really try not to and my FI is good about helping us get over fights pretty quickly, but I can be really stubborn and depending on the subject, I can hold grudges for a bit.
If we have a fight right before my FI goes to work (cuz he works graveyard shift) and we don't resolve it in time, I have to go to sleep angry so we try to avoid talking about sensitive subjects around the time he leaves.
Yes, especially if it is really late and we have to get up early. Or if he is working on a project. It is okay because I know we will talk it over and make up the next day.
With my ex we argued constantly and I always went to bed angry. We would never talk it over and work it out. He just pretended like the fight never happened and/or spent days not speaking to me afterwards. Needless to say years of not working things out didn't work out in the end.
The BIG difference between then and now is that I know we will talk it out. It just may be the next day or even the next due to obligations on both of our parts. We're still kind to one another in between time, making coffee, cooking meals, etc. until we get to the problem at hand. There is mutual respect and understanding and I feel secure.
sometimes angry, pissed, mad, upset, is just that and not a relatiionship altering experience. Face it, men can be dogs, and women can be emotional, or women can be dogs, and men emotional.
I think going to bed- (together is better than apart) and just letting the morning sort itself out is better than trying the dissect and over analyze. Some of the things we get angry about just go away on their own. I get pissed when he monopolizes the remote, or forgets its trash day. Im over it by morning.
That being said- if there are re-curring issues- always forgets the trash, always controls the remote- you have other baggage in your relationship and that should be discussed - when you are both awake, aware, and in a safe place.
But going to bed upset isnt the end of the world. Unless he steals all the blankets.
Never - that's one thing we keep in mind if we get into an argument is to never go to bed angry with each other.
Yes. Sometimes we just need that good night's sleep and everything looks clearer in the morning.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Brielle | 44 |
| ndreighton | 32 |
 vorpalette |
29 |
| caseyleigh10 | 26 |
| les105 | 24 |
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| fishbone | 23 |
| lionskitty | 22 |
| SouthernGirl | 21 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| tibbets | 4 |
| ladyartichoke | 3 |
| RayKay | 3 |
| rubybride718 | 3 |
| Miss T-Rex | 3 |
| bestbuddies | 2 |
| j_jaye | 2 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 2 |
| Jupster | 2 |
| redheadem | 2 |
I know you're suppose to not go to bed angry, but who does and who doesn't?
I go to bed angry because if something really bothers me, I will hold a grudge and it won't help talking about it that same night. (I know it's bad.) It usually good for me to calm down and fall asleep and have time to think about it before discussing about the issue.
If it's a minor issue then I'll talk about it but the real big fights, yeah, I need my space.