(Closed) Do you ever just think “why can’t I just sit back and let what happens happen”?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@purplebee: wow you read my mind… That is exactly what I am thinking to myself… Why cant these men see that? I think if we wait patiently ( which is very hard to do) especially to not bring it up every so often… then we should get that ring. I think if we didnt say anything most men wouldnt even think twice about proposing… and make us wait who knows how long… 5 years, 10 years…etc.. some women dont mind that, they dont mind living with the guy, always cleaning up after him, playing wife and never getting that comitment. Well that is not me.

Post # 4
72 posts
Worker bee

You are not alone.  I think I wrestle with this almost every day.  First I realize how lucky I am, and then I throw myself a pity party, all in my head, back and forth.  And I know why:

The heart wants what it wants.

Post # 5
304 posts
Helper bee

i feel you you guys. the teetering(don’t think i spelled that right) between feelings is hard. and it must be confusing for our guys

Post # 6
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes I feel like this is almost a daily cycle for me.  It’s so frustrating.  I think I really hate the feeling of not being in control/having a say in when it happens.  I feel like it is a decision that impacts both of us and therefore there should be some compromise on when it happens.  He however doesn’t see it that way.

Post # 7
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh wow! That’s just how I feel. (Except we are in LDR.) I really wish I could just sit back so much sometimes! I am doing well at the moment, though. I am thinking that it won’t last long, though. It never does.

Post # 8
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree completely.  I go back and forth about every 2-3 days.  I try to be the girl who is happy with her man, but then the girl that wants to get married SO much shows up and watch out.  That girl says what she thinks, which is not always the best thing.  That girl also tends to watch Say Yes to the Dress and loudly wonders if those dresses would look good on a 40 year old body since that will probably be when I get married.  I’m sure my guy loves that. 🙂

Post # 9
3303 posts
Sugar bee

It is very frustrating not to be in control, because if we were in control, it would have happened by now. But I guess this is the bittersweet of waiting.

Post # 10
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@purplebee: For me, it was because I didn’t feel like our relationship was as strong, or as solid as those of couples who were engaged/married. Also, I was ready to take the step, Fiance was ready to take the step, but we just had to wait. I also felt immature calling him my “boyfriend”, especially after being together for 5+ years. I felt that term didn’t accurately describe “us”, and SO didn’t work well, either!

Of course, I wish I would have been a little more patient. However, being in the waiting stage is absolutely, positively frustrating. Plus…I like to always be in control! I know this is impossible, but I like seeing where I’m going so I can plan out exactly how I want to get there.

Post # 11
130 posts
Blushing bee

This is exactly how I feel!!! I even tell SO that I will leave him alone and not bug him and then five minutes later I’m thinking “wait a minute I’m not letting him off the hook.”

So frustrating I want to be able to type my Fiance not my SO grrrrr

Post # 12
21 posts

This is exactly how I feel.. I give myself daily peptalks about trying to be patient and congratulate myself on having not said anything in awhile. Then I realise its actually only been 2 days since I last let a casual comment about marriage/babies/freaking out about being 30 slip out and I get so frustrated! I think I must not say anything and then I think- what if he has forgotten? he said we would get married this year but I don’t see him doing anything about it and then I remind myself its 4 weeks since he said that. And the cycle continues..  HELP! xx

Post # 13
63 posts
Worker bee

I do this too, but I think it’s an internal clock that we have biologically and sociologically to protect our health and the health of our children.

Women inherently know that they can’t have kids forever, and they’re not going to look beautiful forever.  We’ve known this for 10,000 years.  And it is in our sociological nature to want to protect our physical health, the physical health of our kids, and our own security and well-being.

I don’t want kids right now, and I’m totally independent financially.  But I want to get married “now” (rather than PATIENTLY wait for whenever) because (1) I know I can’t safely have kids forever, and (2) deep down inside we believe that it will be harder to find a man as we get older/droopier.

So sure, women are now safely having kids over the age of 40.  (I will not risk this.)  But back in the day, people barely lived past the age of 35, much less bore children at that age.  So it is the biological and sociological instinct of women to “secure their partner” as soon as possible to begin to have children at a safe age to protect their own health and the health of their children.

Similarly, it is the biological and sociological instinct of women to “secure their partner” as soon as possible before they begin to age…i.e. droop and wrinkle…because if they begin to show age, then they’ll get passed over for some young filly, and they won’t have a man to hunt/gather/support for them, and then they’ll die out of simple starvation.

I know this seems strange, but it really all goes back to that.

And if you want me to give you the rundown on the sociological reasoning behind why women are naturally prudes and why men naturally like to sleep around, I’ll be happy to do that too. 

….My understanding of these issues are the only thing I got out of my sociology minor!  Ha!

Post # 14
7421 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LoveMyDogs: your post made me laugh. Mostly because I think its so true.

Post # 15
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

I go through this everyday haha. I hate not being able to control or have a say in when it happens. I just wish he could see it from my perspective. One of the reasons he thinks I want it so badly is because ever since I was little I was into weddings. Haha I guess he thinks this is just another “girly” thing for me to get excited about.

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