Post # 1
I never thought I’d be writing this post, 8-months into marriage – but, lately, I find my thoughts floating to missing my single life. It’s not that I don’t love being married, love my husband, or have any intention of leaving…. I just sometimes miss not having to worry about anyone else and/or put someone’s thoughts/feelings ahead of myself.
I couldn’t sleep last night and that’s all I could think of. Do you think this is normal? Or is it a red flag I should be concerned about?!
Post # 3
i feel ya…. i miss just being able to make a split second desicion without asking my husband first… or saying yes to going out with the girls without letting him know…. its definately different….. i dont think its weird to feel this way though… maybe because i do too haha!
Post # 4
I think it’s very normal…marriage is a big deal, in that it’s a forever kind of thing. I think it’s normal to mourn the loss of your single life; it doesn’t make you a bad person or mean there’s anything wrong with your marriage. I personally don’t miss generally being single, but I miss aspects of my single life, like being able to eat whatever I wanted for dinner, and being super close to my girlfriends and seeing them all the time.
Post # 5
Not really, but I guess I don’t really know what its like to be single. I started dating my ex at 17 and we broke up at 20, and then about 4 months later I got together with my husband. I can’t really say that I miss time by myself, because if I want to go out and do things, I do them. But yeah, I guess having to make sure its ok with the other instead of just doing it…
Post # 6
I get that sometimes too. Mostly when I’m annoyed with DH 😉 Ya every now and then I feel like not being responsible to anyone would be a lot of fun, I’m with you there. Sometimes it would be nice to eat cereal for dinner if that’s what I want, or stay up until 4am reading or on WB. But what I don’t miss is the pressure. I hated the “When are you going to find a BF/get married/have babies” crap. And I’ll admit it, I’d so much rather be curled up on the couch with DH than out at a bar. I don’t think it’s a red flag, I think sometimes we just all get “the grass is greener”, LOL! I think it’s 100% normal so long as you don’t start leading some double life 😉
Post # 7
((hugs)) first b/c I know that anytime something keeps you from sleeping it couldn’t possible have been a good night =/
I don’t think it’s a red flag as in dooms day is approaching but it is a red flag that there’s some selfishness in the air (don’t worry it likes to come up whenever it can)
It’s just a matter of putting “your” wants, what “you’re” missing being able to do, and what “you” have to do aside and just get back to perspective that you have someone to stand with you in all things to come and all the things that you’ve been through together in the past.
Marriage is totally sacrificial so anytime those “I”/”me” feelings come up, we just gotta put them back in check… and again and again.. ugh lol
Do something special, extra mile kinda thing, for DH… this will help rid those feelings and get that “marriage” perspecitve back 😉
Post # 8
I’m not married yet, but we have lived together for over 2 years and I feel that way sometimes! I had great times being single. In a way I think that is what helps me be in a successful relationship. I know that I am happy on my own and if I choose to spend the rest of my life with someone it’s because they make me even happier, not because I need someone to be happy. Whenever my single friends start to talk about how they want to be in a relationship I like to point out the things they have that they might not if they were in a relationship.
Post # 8
Let’s hope it’s normal. Otherwise, you’re not alone.
Like you, I love being married, adore my husband and don’t know what I would do without him. I know how lucky we are to have found each other.
But I guess I was single for so long that I DO miss it now. Like if I wanted to skip dinner, I would. Or I was going through PMS and just wanted to do nothing and say nothing, I didn’t have to worry about my partner.
It all balances out, however, because I also had other thoughts when I was single: “Where is the man of my dreams? Will I ever marry? I want someone share my life with, have children”.
I don’t think we should have to feel guilty missing our past just because we’re marreid now. We are still individuals and that’s what brings harmony to a marriage. I’m sure my hubby misses some things too. (Or maybe he dosen’t!) but the bottom line is that we’re together for life now and if I want to talk to him about these feelings, I’m grateful that I can.
Can’t talk to yourself when you’re single without feeling a little loony! 😉
Post # 9
I think its normal, or maybe I’m just telling myself that because I feel this way sometimes too. I miss spending too much money on shoes without thinking “oh but we really need to replace the cushions on our patio furniture”. Isn’t it normal to want a few less responsibilities/pressures?
@bakerella: I still eat cereal for dinner once in awhile. My DH just gives me a judge-y look and I keep eating my cheerios.
Post # 10
I lived on my own in an apartment for 6 months before DH moved in. Prior to that, we had spent several summers apart (internships and all that) so right now, no. I actually got fairly lonely by myself. I’m pretty shy so living in a new state where I literally knew one person my age ( a cousin), I spent nearly every night at home, other than a couple times I went out with my cousin and her friends.
When we were in college, I’d go out with friends, and text or call him to say where I was going (we didn’t live together)
I thought when DH moved in that I’d miss just going and doing whatever I wanted, when I wanted. But it really wasn’t that big of an adjustment. I still go out occasionally shopping, with friends or whatever and it’s not that big of a deal to me to just say to DH, hey going shopping be back at some point. I really like having him here and definitely do not prefer living alone again 🙂
Post # 11
Personally – I don’t miss single life. But then again, I never really enjoyed the typical “single life”. I live in much the same way married as I did when I was single so I don’t feel like a gave up or lost anything in the transition.
That said, I don’t think that there is anything wrong with missing or thinking longingly about single life. So long as it isn’t getting in the way of your marriage and your relationship with your DH.
Post # 12
@LGenz: DH would pitch a baby fit (okay not really, but he would likely pout) if I just wanted cereal for dinner. First he would likely tell me it wasn’t healthy (I don’t see why not but whatever) and then he’d probably say “Nuuuuuunnnnnyyyyy (that’s what he calls me, long story) what am I going to eat????”. Sigh. LOL!!! Then he’d probably come up with some delicious to eat and I’d abandon my cereal and eat his dinner instead 🙂
Post # 13
Totally normal! The only thing that changed with marriage for me is that we combined our finances and started talking more seriously about our budgeting. It’s become clear that I can’t just up and buy a plane ticket to visit friends just because I want to; it’s OUR money now, not mine. And while I think that’s ultimately a good thing, it makes me a little sad too.
Post # 14
@Just_Squeeze: lol, that’s actually one of the things I don’t do anymore! I used to have conversations with myself allll the time. Talk about things stressing me out, how I planned to handle a future convo (please don’t think I”m crazy). I still do it in the shower sometimes and DH is like ‘were you talking to yourself?’ Of course not. that’s crazy. That and singing in the apartment. All the time.
@LGenz: I understand that -we’ve been together for so long, and it’s always been, hmmm I shouldn’t buy that, need to save for the wedding (now it’s a house, car, loans). My whole adult life (a grand 5 years) I’ve been with DH so it’s always been, hmmm I should spend that on the wedding instead. Occasionally I still let myself get that pair of shoes 🙂
Post # 15
I miss silly things, like eating ice cream for dinner (or a bag of chips, or an entire pack of skinny cow…), and spending all my hard earned cash on clothes and shoes (instead of the house). But for the most part, I don’t miss it.
I don’t miss dating weirdos, constantly being asked by friends/family if I am seeing anyone, coming home to an empty apartment, and mostly not having anyone special to share my time with. I spent tons of time with friends but it isn’t the same.