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You are worrying!! My advice--take a deep breath and have faith that the people who love you will support you throughout your wedding--bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, ceremony, after-party and all.
For the rehearsal dinner, is it possible to ask your FILs if you could invite more of your family, but that your side will pick up the extra tab for them?
If your inlaws are firm in a immediate family only rehearsal, then explain to your family that you would love to include them by celebrating at the bridal shower. Let them know that it is important to you, that you'd love to see them there, and then have an activity or event suggestion planned for your fam while you're off at the rehearsal.
Don't worry about the weather. Seriously. All the worry in the world won't help change the weather. Your friends and family are there to support you and your FI no matter what the weather is like.
If you want an after party, have it. Your fam may not be thrilled about it, but it is YOUR wedding and they should respect the way you live your life, as you respect the way they live theirs. If you are still uncomfortable doing it while the family is in town, plan a separate reception for your friends after the family leaves.
You are not crazy to worry, but have a little faith in yourself and your family. Your day will be special no matter what, and you'll be so overwhelmed by blissful happiness that you won't notice the weather or nay-sayers.
I totally understand how you feel! I am a worrier by nature myself. My biggest wedding worry is that no one will come, and the people who do come will not have a good time. We are also doing a daytime wedding in June. The venue is an hour away from most guests, and we have been hearing complaints all along the way. ("What are you doing that for?") Plus, I haven't spoken to my dad in almost a year, and I don't think I will be inviting him to the wedding, which pretty much means that no one from his side of the family will come either. I keep having these dreams that it is my wedding day, and I forgot to do a million things. There was one dream where I forgot to contact the caterer to finalize everything, and she showed up with sandwich trays.
Erin - I totally had the sandwich tray dream too!!
Mandy - Thanks for talking me down :) I just feel like there are so many things that could combine to make it a disappointment for my guests :(
Update: My mom has assured me that by having a separate, OOT get together the night before the wedding, no one will be offended. I still have this sinking feeling that some people will talk at this get together and say, "I don't know why we couldn't just be invited to the rehearsal dinner? Are they too good for us?" My mom's family is great but they can be snarky and gossipy. I know you can't change people but I just don't want controversy to surround my wedding!
Are any of you concerned that people's disgruntled attitudes will overshadow your wedding?
It is so sad how your wedding becomes less and less about the bride and groom and more and more about what evryone else wants..
although I didnt worry about the day cause I knew things would go wrong.. It rained all day.. just that day.. I paid $1200 for pictures so I was having them outside. My maid of honor dicided to stay at the bar not in the rception from dinner on I didnt see her once.. l have to laugh cause when I was leaving she called me and said that it would have been nice to see me befor I left and she wanted to give me my gift. Ha! I didnt want the gift and if she wanted to see me then she should have come to the wedding.
I've always dreamed of having my wedding in the fall with the fall colors.. some how it got moved to august cause some people wouldnt be able to come if I had it in october. (Who care's, then don't come was what I was thinking) yet I didnt get my colors. I had dreamed of a church and a beautiful reception hall called the up front.. but it would be cheaper if you got married here instead.. so the only thing I was aloud to pick was my dress and shoes although I sure did hear about the shoes... Blue shoes you cant wear blue shoes (why Not)..
The funny thing is We my husband and I were paying for it. Yet it still became more about eveyone else.. so sad
my advice is to do what you want.. although I know you wont take my advice. I hope you have a good time anyways. everyone likes to make a point to tell you what you should be doing
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Full disclosure: I am an over worrier. But lately I have had these nagging concerns about different aspects of our wedding plans, and my fear is that they will all combine for a wedding weekend that people will look back on as a disappointment! My worries are:
- We aren't having a rehearsal dinner with extended family and out of town guests invited, because in FI's family they just have the wedding party and immediate family and they are hosting it. This has been a big disappointment for my mom and she said people in her family and my stepdad's family may be hurt and disappointed. For example, my uncle always takes pictures of wedding rehearsals, and now he won't because it would be awkward for him to come to the rehearsal and not the dinner.
- My MOH is hosting a bridal luncheon for me the day before the wedding, and I am concerned a lot of the women that I would like to come, specifically my aunts, won't be there if they aren't invited to the rehearsal dinner later in the evening. I asked my mom if this was likely to happen and she said, yes, some people will just come the next day for the wedding and skip the luncheon since they aren't invited to the rehearsal dinner, but "I can't have it both ways".
- We are planning an all-outdoor morning wedding and brunch reception in June in TN. I have dreamed all my life of having my wedding at my home in TN, but I always figured it would be in the spring or fall when the weather is cooler. However, this is the best month for us to get married. Sometimes there are mild days in June, but its not predictable, and it very well could be 90 degrees! Even though we are doing plenty to keep people cool - fans and cold bottled water at the ceremony, and lots of icy drinks at the reception, which will be under a tent with electric fans - I worry that if its a really hot day, guests will be uncomfortable no matter what and not enjoy themselves.
- We are having an after party, and I'm concerned that the controversy over this will be a hot topic of conversation for the weekend. My family is religiously opposed to drinking and dancing, but FI and I want to do both, so we are having a cocktail party with dancing music later in the evening. Everyone is invited but those morally opposed don't have to attend. However, I feel like its almost not worth it to have the controversy. Not to mention, I wonder if people will even come. After the wedding in the morning, people may just want to go ahead and go back home instead of staying the full day and paying to stay another night in a hotel. It would be really disappointing and embarrassing to show up to our after party that we made into such a big deal and only like 15 guests come!
So yeah. I'm worrying. Am I crazy? What are you worrying about?