Post # 1
I’m curious on other bees opinions on this one. Do you think that once you fall in love, part or some of those feelings remain with you forever?
See, for me I view love as absolute. I thought I was inlove before but after truly falling for this man, I no longer view it as love, and so consider him my first love. There’s not even the slightest remnant of feelings for anyone else left in me. That’s probably the main basis for thinking I was never inlove before.
I suppose some people could love in relative terms. That is, still recognizing the love they had in the past was real but their current love is just a better, realer love. But I wonder does that first love ever really just disapear? I’m curious on hearing your thoughts on this one.
Post # 3
I am with you. I thought I was in love with my ex of three years, but I realized after meeting J that it wasn’t true love. I may have loved and really cared about my ex, but it wasn’t anything compared to what I feel for J.
Post # 4
I have been in love twice before. I still love both these men and that love will be forever. However, I fell out of being ‘in love’ with both of them.
It made it really hard to break up with them because I still loved them soo much and very much wanted them to be a part of my life; however, I was no longer ‘in love’ with them and could no longer continue in a relationship with them because of this!
Post # 5
I agree with FMM that I think you can love someone but not be ‘in love’ with them anymore. I have never really loved someone before though.
Post # 6
Interesting topic…Hmm…I’m not sure if this answers your question, but I’ve been in love twice before my DH and, like Future Mrs. Martin, I also think that part of me will always love them.
And, like Future Mrs. Martin, I also found out that despite my being in love with them, we just weren’t compatible for other reasons. I suppose some people might say that meant that our love was “incomplete” but I don’t see it that way. Quite honestly, I was as “in love” with them when we broke up as I was when we got together; there were just things that weren’t going to work (one didn’t want children; the other was a gorgeous, wonderful person but had some things to work through).
And there are–to be really brutally honest–things about my love with DH that are imperfect, too (although, don’t get me wrong–we’re certainly still in love with each-other!). I guess that for me, it turns out that it’s not so much a difference in love (even though I’m quite content NOT being hitched to my exes!), but moreso that I feel that on top of all the love, the friendship I have with DH have is more profound than any of my other past relationships.
Post # 7
I don’t think you ever stop loving somone, but the love changes. Like my first love, I now love him as a best friend, my second love, I love the memory of us. Things like that, but when you fall in love, you don’t just lose that.
Post # 8
This is a great thread and I’m sure everyone feels so differently about this topic.
For me, I feel like there are many people in life that we could possibly be compatible with. Take my ex for example. I think we could have end up together and life would have been okay but it wouldn’t be the life I have now with my FI. I think I knew my FI was the one for me when I knew he was the one I COULDN’T live without. All of the others, were ones that were great for their own reasons…BUT I could live without them and be fine. Now, do I still love my exes? Yes…in a way that I wish the best for them and hope they are happy. I hope that they have found a love like I have with my FI. But…am I in love with them..or would I ever want to be with them…NO WAY! Like the other ladies said…it is a different kind of love. I guess…once I figured this out…I knew why I wanted to spend my life with my FI. He is my best friend, my love, and the one who I could never, truly live without.
Post # 9
I was in love with my high school/college boyfriend, but we broke up because of distance and discontent, and I guess we kind of lost our spark. I actually had lunch with him a few months ago, and it was surprising how awkward it was. We had so little to talk about, it was like chatting with an acquaintance. But I know I loved him. And when I think back on it, I STILL love who he was and who we were together. And now? I want good things for him, and I’ll always care about him, and he’ll always hold a special place in my heart that’s near other things I love unromantically. I’m definitely not in love with him anymore, but it doesn’t negate what we shared.
Post # 10
I agree with a PP, I think love changes.. I still “love” one of my ex’s but it is most definitely not the same kind I feel for my fiance. I wouldn’t really call it falling out of love, but sometimes circumstances change & you can realize that person wouldn’t be who you would be able to spend the rest of your life with even though you do still “love” them.
Post # 11
Well, I can’t really chime in there with personal experience. The first person I ever dated was my fiance. However, I’ve always heard from divorced people that they still love their ex-husband. It’s a different kind of love (not passionate) but it’s still love. I feel that there are different stages in love. So it’s not going to look the same as it did when you first dated, first married, or first had a child, etc etc.
Post # 12
@Miss OBG: Wow… I had that same experience last year with my HS sweetheart. It was totally awkward, but I’m glad we did it. I love the time I had with him, we too broke up because of distance and fighting. A part of me will always love him… but not the way I used to. (If that makes any sense?)
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I think that there are different kinds of love. You can love someone and not be “in love” with them. I think it definitely depends on the couple, the things they experienced together, and how the relationship ended.
My great aunt said that some days you may not feel “in love” over the course of your marriage, you may not even feel that kind of love for a couple weeks, but if you stick with it you’ll fall back “in love” with each other if you’re still compatible and willing to work for it. I pretty much agree with that, although I understand there are lots of circumstances when this won’t work and everyone’s situation is different.
Post # 14
Wow you girls are really insightful and it’s nice to look at things from a different perspective. I asked this question to be honest after after talking to bf about his first love. And part of me was upset that he could at this point call someone else his. I’ve learnt my lesson though, I’m way too much of a jealous person to be having anymore of those kind of conversations with him. It’s not healthy.
But I think the important thing I have to keep in mind is those feeling in the past has nothing to do with how he feels for me now. There’s just a small part of me having a hard time letting it go.
Post # 15
If someone says they “fell out of love” then they were never in love in the first place. when you love someone, they have a place in your heart, and that can never be replaced with anything or anyone else
Post # 16
@picturemeurs:I think love is like any other emotion, it comes and goes. I believe a person can have several loves in their life. Its about choice and who you open your heart to. As far as marriage I think you should love your SO but respect and compatibility are just as important.