Do you ever worry that when it finally does happen, it won't feel that special?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Try not to place too many expectations on the moment.

During my proposal, I didn’t cry at all. You watch all these TV shows and movies with women crying tears of joy and jumping on their SO’s hugging and kissing them. I was more in shock, and couldn’t stop laughing. I also was distracted by one of the outside cats so I didn’t even know what was going on until the nxt thing I knew he was down on one knee.

Regardless of how long you’ve been waiting, there will always be at least one person who reacts to the news in a weird or awkward way. You just have to focus on how you feel about it, and that’s all that matters. Of course, this is all easier said than done.

But, I promise, in that moment, you won’t be thinking about anything else. Unless of course you’re distracted by a cat.

Post # 3
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Surrey, BC, Canada

Honestly my proposal was not at all what I imagined it would be like. Obviously I was happy he asked me, but the setting, timing, and just everything about it was so…. off to me. I was a bit disappointed. But I got over it, as I realized it doesn’t really matter how he asked… just that he did. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

I must admit I do worry about this a little bit as well. I have been with my SO for 4 years and our families and friends have been asking us for the past 3 or so when we are going to get married. (I told them I wanted to marry him about 2 dates in lol). Some of my friends say my SO is so slow and they wish he would hurry up, so I have a feeling I’m going to have the same kind of responses once he does propose! I can’t wait to start planning a wedding and get married to him though, so I would just focus more on that and don’t worry what some people will say 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t think overly emotional and I kind of wish I would be… We’ve been together a little over 4 years and I’ve already become a little disenchanted with waiting. I worry about saying “finally!” when it happens haha..

Try to relax about or ask for a timeline then maybe you can get some excitement back. Good luck, it’s tough not having “something to look forward to”.

Post # 6
Member
6501 posts
Bee Keeper

I was with my FI over 7 years when he finally proposed and I even knew that it would be coming later in the specific week. I was terribly worried it wouldn’t be special.

I was totally, completely, utterly wrong. It was incredible and where exactly he took me/what he said when he proposed was all a surprise. Was one of the best days of my life. I wouldn’t be worried at all.

Post # 7
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hopefully they will be excited for you anyway! But I understand where you are coming from. Still there is no going back from where you have been, just forward. Make the best of it! 

Post # 8
Member
6609 posts
Bee Keeper

Don’t have too many expectations. It will be memorable no matter how it plays out. 

Post # 9
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee

 

I was in a similar situation. My FI and I were together for 7 years when he proposed in May in Australia. I was asked weekly if not daily when it would be happening (like I had any control over it!!!!) When we got home and were telling our friends and family, we got plenty of Congrats and excited reactions. I also did get a few “Finally!” and “It’s about time!” reations. I also got a surprising amount of people telling me they were scanning our Australia trip pictures to see if my left hand was showing in any (we intentially left all photos of the engagement or where my ring was showing off FB until we got a chance to tell our friends and family). The engagement itself wasn’t the romantic “oh my gosh!!” moment you see in the movies. But it was sweet and memorable.

My suggestion is to enjoy this time you have before you get the ring. Everything changes when you get engaged and all of your interactions with people suddenly are consumed with wedding planning talk. You will have that ring for the rest of you life – you will only have this pre-engagement time for a limited amount of time.

Post # 10
Member
26 posts
Newbee

When my fiance proposed, we had been together for 7 years. By then, we’d already talked about getting married before several times, so we knew it would eventually happen. When he finally did it, we were alone. We were about to go out to dinner, he had not-so-secretly bought a quirky ring that I totally loved (I saw the charge on his transactions list when he asked me to check on something for him), and he nervously stumbled over his words as if he were asking me out on a first date again. I’m not the sort of girl to gush and squeal, so I gave him a knowing smile and jokingly said “hmm, I’m not sure. It’s so sudden.” But then I laughed, hugged him tight, and said “of course!” It wasn’t romantic, but it was charming. We’re both still very giddy over planning our wedding and future.

As for the reactions of other people, it didn’t matter a snot. Most, if not all of them, did mention something about the time it took. But I just nodded and said “It was the perfect amount of time for us.”

Post # 11
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee

WannaBeABride:  I can totally relate to this post, I worry about the same things. I fairly recently had the timeline talk with him and said to him “I’m jealous of women who don’t have to have this conversation”. I wish he’d proposed sooner, before the early on excitement of ‘will he propose’ hopefulness turned to a ‘why hasn’t he proposed’ sadness. I wish my waiting period was enjoyable rather than marred by a handful of arguments about it, tears, and a timeline talk. I don’t like being a jealous person, but women who get engaged after a year or two everyone is all surprised and happy and gushing over the ring. I don’t think the reaction is the same toward a couple who’ve been together long enough for people to ask why they haven’t gotten engaged. So I’m sure I’ll get a few ‘finally!’s myself (people should be more tactful!) but I hope the majority of people will be genuinely happy for us. He’s a great guy and I love him. I don’t have a ‘walk date’ planned. Not expecting a ring this holiday season but hopefully within the next several months. Even though he reassures me that he loves me and wants a future with me, I can’t help but feel if he is so crazy about me, why is he taking to long?

I understand what you’re going through but since I’m in a similar situation the only advice I can offer is to join the ‘Shut It Up’ pact here if you haven’t already. I don’t want to keep bringing the subject of engagement up because if he is planning to propose in the near future, I don’t want to spoil it with hurt feelings and drama or feel like he’s only doing it because I pressured him into it. If he doesn’t propose in the near future then at the very least I want to try and have some pride and dignity in not bringing it up all the time. And also because I want to enjoy the holiday season with our familes and each other and not focus too much on a ring or lack thereof.

Post # 12
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

Nope.  I had a perfect engagement.   I had 2 ice cream cones that night.   I stared at him like he was an alien and didn’t hear a single word he said.  My day was perfect! 

When it happens it will be perfect if you drop the expectations.   

Post # 13
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think at some point if you build it up so much in your mind, when it finally happens, it can be anti-climactic. We got engaged after 3 years and none of our friends or family were really surprised.  And I loved my proposal- we flew to Cancun, he sent me for a mani, had gifts and cards throughout the trip, and had a new dress waiting for me and a note to meet him- he picked me up in a horse drawn carriage and proposed after the ride. we had a photo shoot on the beach and a private 5 course dinner to celebrate. So it was amazing. If he proposed when I got home from the gym in out livingroom, I probably would have been disappointed. Still, as a waiting bee I worried, over analyzed, and was completely fixated on getting engaged. Now I wish I had just enjoyed being together and he was my fabulous boyfriend. We are married now, and he jokingly calls me his ex-girlfriend now, he he. Dating was a special time, even if I didn’t realize it back then.  

Post # 14
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My husband and I had been dating 11 years before he proposed – we are childhood loves 🙂 I never really thought about getting engaged as we were both still in university and both just had gotten good jobs – in fact I was sort of dreading even thinking about it, it always seems like there is so much pressure and build up to it! 

However having been with me for so long, he knew exactly how to plan the day to ensure it was perfect for us 🙂 

the one thing that was annoying was having some friends who said things like “finally” etc – those comments really rub me the wrong way. You guys are on your own timeline, enjoy what you have together at this moment! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
42 posts
Newbee

WannaBeABride:  I feel the same as you. I’ve been with my SO for 5.5 years and I’d say for the past 4 years, every time we have returned from a nice holiday people have asked if we are engaged and when I say NO, they feel sorry for me. It’s so frustrating. When the time finally does come round I imagine most people will say “it’s about time”! I get hints from people that I should be married or even have a baby all the time. It’s very insensitive. You want your friends and family to be just as excited as anyone elses engagement. Just because you’ve been together longer than other couples doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the same reaction.

When it comes to your actual proposal I’m sure it will be magical however he does it 🙂

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