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To all the brides out there, are you expecting a gift from your bridesmaids and groomsmen?
For our wedding, I specifically told the bridal party not to give us a gift. Even though I was giving them thank you gifts for the bridal shower and BM gifts, I knew they were all forking out so much money, time and effort to be a part of my wedding (BM dresses, throwing my shower, travel costs, day-after beach party).
But now that I am a MOH in the first wedding since I had my own, I was wondering...does the bride & groom expect a gift from me?
I don't expect gifts from my bridal party either.
However this sentiment may not be shared by all.
I think unless your bride has said something to you about it it's best to get them something. I wouldn't go all out and spend a lot of money but get them something meaningful. One wedding I was in the bridal party got together and rented a honeymoon suite for the couple and prepared a basket of food and treates for them to enjoy. I didn't come up with the idea myself but thought it was a great one :)
i'm not expecting gifts from anyone, BP member or not
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I did not expect gifts from my BM's or GM's but did expect something if they're significant others were coming....and it ended up that we got much more than we thought we would. =)
wow, i was actually thinking in the opposite direction! i've been a BM twice now and I've always given even more generous gifts to the couple because I assumed i was that much closer to them. and just a side gripe, one of those times I wasn't even allowed to bring a date!
so i guess my answer is yes, i expect gifts from my wedding party...
I agree with Domino - when I was in a wedding it was because I was close to the couple, so I bought them an "extra nice". Even when this meant hauling it with me over to Africa (destination wedding to the extreme!)
Truthfully, I do expect gifts from the bridal party ... at least some of them!
Me three! I've always given nicer things when I have been a bridesmaid because I'm closer to the couple than other people whose weddings I have attended. As a bride, though, I don't expect anything from anybody.
I've been in 4 bridal parties, twice as MOH. One was in Chicago, one in LA (I was travelling from NJ). I've always given a shower gift and a wedding gift- no matter how expensice the flight, dress, hotel, etc.
Now, as a bride myself, I would hope that my BMs (3 of which I was a BM or MOH for) would feel towards me, the way I felt towards them and give a meaningful gift.
I too have always given a gift when I've been a bridesmaid (4 times). In my experience, since I know the couple very well it would be really hard not to buy them a gift.
I wouldn't hold a grudge if anyone in my bridal party didn't get us something because I do know it is expensive, but I would hope they might get us something thoughtful because we are so close.
I have always given a gift as a BM as well, because of the assumption that you are closer to the couple. As a bride I do not expect gifts, but I agree that the sentiment may not be shared by all brides.
I think it depends. I didn't expect anything from most of my bridesmaides because they paid for my showers (I had two) and I got gifts at both of those, plus they paid for little odds and ends for the wedding. So, I didn't expect anything from them. But one of my bridesmaids didn't do anything or give any gifts, and I was disappointed that she didn't give us a wedding gift. I guess it depends on the circumstances, and how close you are to the couple whether or not you are expected to buy them a gift.
I have always given a gift as a bridesmaid. In fact, they got a larger gift, since I've only been in weddings of very close friends.
I am sure it depends at least in part on how much money the BP is spending just to be in the wedding... but as a BM I always bought a present for the bride and groom. Of course I never had any crazy expensive dresses - and in many cases the bride actually offered to pay for my dress, although in most cases I thanked her but paid myself. Probably the most expensive BP experience for me was my sister's wedding, as there were significant travel expenses, and of course I also got her and BIL a present (she is my MOH, and has already sent my present).
Also, in every case, I received a very nice present from the bride - generally jewelry (necklace and earrings), sometimes also a spa day, hair and makeup for the wedding, etc. In most cases that more than made up for the expense of the dress and shoes, so I think it would have been a little cheap of me to not buy a present for them.
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This is a timely question, as we just received a big gift from one of our bridesmaids. I was totally surprised, as I guess I wasn't expecting such an expensive gift. I think I am expecting something from our party (though wouldn't be surprised or hurt if they didn't get us anything), but not a gift that is more than what the average guest would give.
It is so strange to be talking about this - isn't it? The whole thing of expecting (or hoping for) gifts and making lists of things you want is so unusual in every other situation but your wedding (ok, except for Christmas when you were a kid). It makes me feel so materialistic... but I'll be the first to admit how excited I was when that first box arrived on our doorstep!
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Earlier I said that I didn't expect anything, but I think I have to take that back now that I've thought about it. I think I would be disappointed if I didn't get even a little present from my BMs. However, if they already bought me a shower gift, I probably wouldn't mind if they didn't bring one to the wedding as well.
So interesting to get everyone's feedback, thank you! The reason why I ask the question is because during my wedding process, the BMs were spending so much money...dress, shoes, accessories, shower, travel.
Like a few people said above, I definitely wanted to offset some of the money they were spending, especially for the ones that were doing more than just giving a shower gift but actually paying for the shower. Depending on each BMs situation, I offered to pay for their dress, etc.
I hosted all of them to spa treatments the day before the wedding, as I opted to not have a bachelorette party so it was one less thing for them to spend $$$ on, and also paid for everyone's hair & makeup. Not everyone has the budget to do it, but I felt it was money well spent on friends that were doing so much for me. Each was contributing in some way, whether it be money or time.
I never assumed that they should get me a bigger gift because they were closer to me. My assumption was that my closer friends would be there to enjoy the whole experience with me, which I so appreciated, and every one of them stepped up and went above and beyond their duties (except for my older sister, who I fired early on for being nuts).
So in my MOH role with a bride with a very limited budget and I, in turn, am offering to pay for a lot of things for her, I was curious as to whether I should get a gift on top of it, or if she'd feel all the planning help I'm providing was above and beyond. Guess it all depends on the situation, like some of you said. If I was a loser BM that did absolutely nothing and then skipped on a gift, too, that'd be bad!
This is interesting because I have been trying to decide if I should tell my BMs not to get me a present.
I am paying for their hair and makup and even paid for a part of their dresses (although I didn't tell them this) because they were more than I felt comfortable asking them to pay. And of course, I have great gifts for them planned :)
But I still feel like the $ they spent on the dress and the $ they will spend to attend my weekend long bach party (no shower) and the $ of hotels for the wedding is enough and a gift is not necessary! At the same time, they are my closest friends, so I don't know if they would be offended if I told them no gift?
All of my BMaids gave me a shower gift, and they were bigger gifts than i would ever even consider them giving me. I dont think any of them felt obligated, I just think they were saying I am important to them and they gave me things they thought I needed. P.S. they gave me the best (not most expensive) gifts of everyone. I hope that at their weddings, I give them things that mean as much!
For all the weddings I have been in, I would say I gave an "extra nice" gift - even when I have had to go on an expensive flight or stay in hotels.
I would say that I hope my BMs get us a gift, but it's the meaning and the thought, not the price.
I don't expect a wedding gift from the bridal party at all. They are all paying for their dresses, suits, etc. And that alone is a lot of money. If they do give us one that would be awesome but if they don't I wouldn't be mad or anything.
You're SO generous! (That's a good thing.)
I think this varies a lot from place to place. I know where I'm from (the South), bridesmaids are expected to be able to cover, well, everything. That's dress, shoes, hotel, travel, hair/makeup/nails (if desired by the bride), a gift for every shower or party (even if not attending), and a wedding gift.
I've been in many weddings where various parts of those were paid for, especially things like hair/makeup/nails. However, most of the weddings I was in (and I've now been in 5) just expected such expenditures. When it's your best friends or your sisters, it's just how it works. Not bad or good necessarily, just how it is. And I LOVE buying presents for the people whose weddings I've been in...it's a special part of your relationship, with the gift the tangible reminder.
BUT...that also means I'm being very, very careful with my own wedding party--after I've been burned in the past. However, I still hope they get me a present, mostly because they're the people who love me the most and know me the best, and I know whatever they get will be amazing! It could be something totally wacky, and I'd know it was chosen with love and personality. Money doesn't matter in the least--it's a reminder that they were there to share your day with you.
I've never been a BM so I can't say what I've done in the past, but I really don't expect the wedding party to give gifts. A bunch of them probably will anyway despite my protests about how much they're already spending, but I don't expect it. Of the BMs, one is currently unemployed, one will be in grad school, and the other four are either my sisters or my FSILs. So I know money is hard for a few of them, and then my sisters/FSILs are all younger than me. They probably will just be attached to what our parents give us, if anything.
I have told my BM's (my sisters) that I don't want them out buying gifts for me and FH.
Any wedding I have been to, the bride made it clear that they didn't want gifts from the attendants, because they were paying to host stagette's, showers, and for dresses, shoes, hair and makeup.
I don't expect a gift from them. They are already doing so much for us. We can't thank them enough.
I do not expect anything... they are going to be my slaves muuahhh ha ha ha!!
(Ok that was just a joke)
But im serius about not expecting anything, if i choose them was because it meant a lot to me to have them there! that's enought of a gift to me :)
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I don't expect them to give us gifts, especially since we are requesting no gifts from our guests. But some help would sure be nice!
Here's a horrible story of being a MoH and getting totally burned - the bride was like a sister to me. I watched her daughter EVERY weekend since she worked Saturdays (her FH was not the father). Her daughter was like a daughter to me. I was the first to get her on the potty. I bought her baptism gown, shoes, etc. with the promise of getting reimbursed - never did. (and was not asked to be the Godmother). For the wedding, I bought my dress, shoes, was going to handmake each invitation (about 125). Ordered the rhinestone buckles from the UK since I could not get good enough ones here in the US. They were about $1.25 each, bought the paper, cake top, shower gifts, etc. I aske the bridesmaids for $200 each for the shower with the promise of dividing any unspent money to each of them. Offered to pay for the bachelorette party myself. Here's the kicker ... I could not babysit on a Monday night b/c I was sick - she never talked to me again. Sent me nasty emails about how wrong I was to ask the other bridesmaids for money, took horrible care of her daughter, etc. So needless to say, be careful what you get yourself in to. I was able to exchange her gown and put the money towards my wedding gown. Afterall, I had already paid for it. She had the nerve to ask me for her cake top that was custom made with Swarvoski crystals - I never gave it to her and have it here for sale on the classifieds. The worst part of all of this was, she sent me a wedding picture after the wedding telling me how wonderful it was, that it went off without a hitch, etc. I wonder who will be there for her when she gets divorced, she's a drunk and her Husband is a wonderful man. He will eventually see the light. (Just before her wedding, she got in a fight with the FH and slept with the guy she use to baby sit his kids - classy girl huh?)
I'm not expecting a gift and have told them so. However, I think unless they say something, a gift is part of the deal too, I don't know, at least what I've heard from others when complaining about the cost of being in the wedding party.
I don't expect gifts from the wedding party because they've already put in so much time and money. I hearfelt card would be more than enough.
However, on the opposite side of that, as a BM I think I would still give a (smaller) gift.
This is an interesting thread. Being married now, I was really suprised that a lot of my bridal party did not get us gifts. A lot of the guys I can understand, since well they are guys. I got a gift from 4 out of 6 of the girls. One of them being my sweet 16 year old sister who doesn't have a car or a job.
I understand that dresses and parties are expensive to throw. However, I also put money into it to help too. I paid for their hair and got them very nice gifts. I just wish that with these girls being my closest friends they would have acknowledged my wedding with at least a card.
My husband & I are wondering why we have been feeling a sense of disappointment that a good handful of our bridal party did not gift a present or even a card. Several gifted us their vocal talent / cooking skills / even flew in from out-of-state (which we are beyond grateful for!). Even still, it is amazing to see how far a simple card can go. Always. Always. Always will we make sure - especially if we are in the bridal party - that we will gift someone, at the very least, words of appreciation for them as a couple and our best wishes.
We admit that have never been much about receiving gifts and maybe that has been something we have stressed too much. In fact, our biggest care is that our closest friends were able to support us that day, share our tears and make hilarious & very emotional memories throughout. Nonetheless, when we were opening gifts and cards the day after our wedding, it was a little heartbreaking to see that there was little acknowledgemnt from those we cared about the most.
I don't expect it, but it would be nice. I've only been a BM once (this past summer) and I gave what I could--a Visa credit/gift card that I thought would be nice to use on their honeymoon--with a card. The bride was a little caught off guard but that's also her personality to not expect extras from her friends in that sense.
I wouldn't care if my bridal party did or did not give me anything. I can't afford to buy their dresses and 3 of 4 will be traveling at least 2 hours and might be staying in a hotel. It's their choice, I guess. I don't really care about gifts.
I dont expect gifts from the bridal party either. They spend so much money anyways to be apart of all the extra stuff. I've been a BM many times, and once I spent well over 1500 to be a bridesmaid. Much of it was due to traveling costs and the burden of throwing all the parties.
I didn't expect a gift from my bridal party but kinda was suprised that they didn't even get me a card. One of my bms though did get me a card/check for my wedding and that was a shock because I didn't expect it.
For every bridal party I was in, I still gave the bride and groom a check and card with well wishes even if I was spending money for wedding activities.
I dont expect gifts from anyone. But they are always welcome! I kinda dont get the card thing tho maybe because im just not a card person.
As a BM, I always get the B&G an even nicer gift than normal/average because if I am close enough to them to be asked to be in their wedding party, I am close enough to want to get them something really nice. Costs of travel, dress, shoes, etc aren't even factored into it.
I'd hope those who we asked would feel the same closeness to us.
i just had this conversation with my sister. i said i wan't really expecting anything. i mean, there's so much work and expenses that go into being in the bridal party that a gift on top of that seems excessive. on the flip side of that, though, if i was in a bridal party i'd still give a gift. i just don't expect one at my wedding (odd? maybe).
she was in the camp of "if i'm close enough to be in the bridal party, i'm close enough to give a better than usual gift."
I hadn't thought of this. My MOH has told me she wants to get me a great gift, so I'm at least expecting one from her...? Haha.
A gift isn't necessary, but some token of congratulations would have been nice.
We received gifts from 2/4 groomsmen and 2/4 bridesmaids. With the financial situations the attendants were in, and all the money we asked them to spend to be a part of the wedding, I never expected or wanted a gift from any of them... I was really disappointed that we didn't get any cards or notes.
I was in a wedding last year as the MOH. I bought my dress, shoes, paid for the shower and bachelorette party, did the bride's and a BM's hair and makeup the day of so she could save some money and my FI was in the wedding too. All told we ended up spending into the four figures and didn't have anything extra for a gift. The day after the wedding the bride posted a really nasty comment on facebook about people in her bridal party not getting her gifts, so BM and MOH beware!! Sometimes people don't consider the amount of financial stress they're putting on their bridal parties.
Being a bride now and having been on both sides, I'm requesting that my bridal party refrain from getting us anything.
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