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I am so incredibly scared that once I commit to the budget I'm currently considering that I will spend the next six months feeling naseaus for the economic waste. I'm curious to read the responses to this thread.
I don't feel guilty for spending certain amount on my wedding at all. The way I see it, we only have one opportunity to do this and there is no do over, we want to make it as perfect as we want and can afford, so there won't be regrets (what if) later. Different people has different idea of how they want their wedding to be. Some people were able to get their version of dream wedding with lower budget, that's great for them. My version of dream wedding cost a little more so I have to spend more to get what I want. I work and save to get what I want, and wedding is one of them.
During the planning stages, I kept saying "we spend this much for 60 people?", my husband kept reminding that we are doing this for us.
I keep going back and forth on this. My dad is paying for everything, and he's pretty loaded. On one hand I keep thinking "That's money that could be put towards a house" and "We would still have an amazing time and end up married if we spent 1/10th as much.' On the other hand, his wife (my step-mom) throws expensive, extravagant parties with even bigger budgets, and her son (my step-brother) will have an even bigger budget for his wedding, and I don't see why they should get to throw my dad's hard-earned $ around and we shouldn't :) I usually end up deciding what cutexkitty said- this is the one opportunity we have to do this. FI and I are very hard-working and usually quite frugal, so we should be able to save up in the future for whatever else we want within reason, but we can't go back and change our wedding.
My wedding was crazy expensive. 255 people. Open bar w top tier alcohol. Hour and a half cocktail hour. 5 course meal. Chivari chairs and white dance floor. Etc. and in a hotel of all place. And we didn't go over budget. My parents had money set aside for this wedding for YEARS. In fact, in my parents will they state that state that the first x amount is To go towards my future wedding. The rest is split between my (married) sis and I. My parents knew I was going to get married one day, and they saved up money years in advance to make sure we got the wedding we all wanted (not just me and my hubs). We were also fortunate enough to have help from my in laws. Regardless, every time I had to sign a contract, I would have an anxiety attack/ it's soo much money!!!! But then I would see that we're still in the budget. And just remembered to breathe. And in the end- it was beyond perfect. Nothing ostentatious. But plenty of food and alocohol (for the Russians) and the perfect ambiance and dance party for us. In the end, after the initial shock of the monies, there is no guilt. We had the wedding we wanted, and in the budget we could afford.
We are paying for half our wedding and my mother is paying for the other half. We both are in our 30s and I really do not want to go broke over a wedding. The way I see it if you can afford to pay for it then do it. The only problem I have is when people who are dirt poor take out loans for a wedding. I told myself I would never ever take a personal loan out just to have a big pricey wedding. I had a few friends who got married and a few months later had issues paying their rent and other bills. My budget was 10k but since my mom offered to help me pay for it I bumped it up to 12k but I am still worried that I am spening to much $. I am doing alot of reasearch and so far my dj, videographer, photographer and photoboth will all cost me 3k. I was a meeting planner for a large company and I know a few secreat to event planning. I swear alot of these vendors pray on the bride's emotions when it comes to pricing. I am still trying to find a decent venue that does not want to charge me 100 pp for a Sunday! My advice is if you can afford it without going broke then have the wedding of your dreams! Also do not have a wedding to please friends and family because at the end of the day you cannot make everyone happy.
It's always in the back of my mind because I am such a frugal person in general, but in the end I know its going to be worth it.
Don't worry, I'm totally bi-polar on this issue as well. I absolutely feel guilty for the amount we are spending on our wedding. None of it was a need they were all wants. I don't regret it though....that wasn't one of the choices. LOL.
I did. My parents paid for our wedding. I know that $10k is not a huge budget, but my family has never been especially well-off and that is a ton of money for us. I felt guilty for a long time while I was planning.
In the end, I guess it comes down to cost and worth though. My parents told me after the fact that it was worth it to them to give me the wedding I wanted and to spend that time and money on me so that I could have something beautiful to look back on and be happy about it. I would honestly not change a single thing that I did and I know that that makes my mother feel good about it.
And if it makes you guys feel better, our budget was $10k but it figures out to $153/per guest. We had 65 people at our wedding.
I think anything that I spend that I can't use later on I will feel guilty about. I kind of just have to get over it and do it.
I totally ride the rollercoaster of feeling guilty and then wanting what I want. My parentsare paying for our wedding and are so thrilled about it all happening. I'm the only girl, I have one older, single brother. We're having a city wedding with about 200 invited guests, my dress is nice, we're having good food, a great bar, etc. The thing for me is, I feel guilty about the money of theirs I'm spending, but then my Dad goes out and buys a sports car or does something else equally extravagant, so that makes me feel less guilty, because obviously the cost of the wedding is not cramping his style. So that's how I reduce the stress level. If they were taking out a loan or canceling their 2 month trips, I'd scale back, but so far, they're not.
@JBing:Yeah... I was the same with my parents. My parents gave me a budget and I was so floored by their generosity. Then... they bought a new car... THEN they ripped up the kitchen... so I just think (hope) my dad is just at the point where he's enjoying all the money he's earned (and still earning)
I was the only one to have voted for, "I wish I would have spent more".
We had a really low-budget wedding, and honestly got a lot of freebies I know that most people wouldn't be able to (like my SIL has her own photography business and did the photos for us as our wedding gift and my grandmother made our GORGEOUS wedding cake). We spend about 3k on our wedding.
Originally we were going with a non-traditional venue, it was a word of mouth place. A local pastor owned 10 acres on a lake with a gorgeous small church on his property that we planned to use for the reception. It was a beautiful place, and he was renting it for the wedding for only $450 including chairs/tables. We were having about 100 people.
Well he didn't hold up his end of the deal and the day before we went to set up and nothing was cleared out of the church and it was a mess. It was too late to do anything, idk what I would have done. So we lost our venue.
If we had been willing to invest more $$ in a more reliable ("real") venue that wouldn't have happened, and I wouldn't have ended up in tears because we had to move the reception to a church basement. It was awful. We did what we could to spruce it up, but it was sad.
Either that: I wish we would have spent more, OR I wish we would have done what my parents suggested and eloped. My dad didn't want us spending so much money on one day of our lives, he told us we should go on a cruise or to Jamaica or something and get married there and have it be our honeymoon. Instead, we honeymooned in our state and never left the state, which we kind of missed.
@miss-spunkin:I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I also have this irrational fear that our vendors won't show up.
Our wedding is going to be about $5000 for all of 15 guests. Unfortunatly my attire/makeup/hair/flowers/jewelry, photography and FI attire are taking most of our budget. The ceremony is only costing up like $450 bucks and dinner should only be around $600. Trust me I am choking on the amount of money I am spending just to make me look pretty lol, it just seems like so much for one day. I hope it is worth it.
I had always envisioned a casual wedding for myself-- like a backyard wedding. but my husband wanted something high budget because people were flying cross country to see us. those plane tix (about $700 from toronto to seattle) and hotels were not cheap. so our wedding was (IMO) crazy expensive. he footed the entire bill, and we paid for it all up front.
we can afford it, but I came from a middle class family and before I met him, I considered myself straight up poor. so yea, I had a really hard time spending all that money. when I calculated how much it cost per head (like $275 each) my mind was blown.
but part of that cost is the fact that we hired a planner. also, we didn't have time to go crazy with DIY. plus our rehearsal dinner/party had 50 people invited and was really nice (we rented a space and had caterers and an open bar), so I think these things really added a big chunk to the overall wedding.
honestly? I loved my wedding. I try not to think about the money, there is no sense in thinking about what's gone.
Yes, yes and yes!!! I come on the Bee and see all these amazing DIY brides, or those that scored amazing deals and I tend to feel a tad guilty. We just worked the numbers and are right now at about $40K for our total budget (which is quite a bit more than we had hoped to spend).
While I am right there with you on the zero credit charges and we too won't be broken by this I can't help but cringe at what that money could have been spent on. I told my FI we could have had a wicked elopement in Australia or something.
That being said it is always hard to see the big picture, especially when it is all muddled with details and planning. I am really looking forward the big day and seeing my vision come together...and our families to meet.
@Treejewel19:I'm glad I'm not the only one... phew. It's not bad when you hear how much individual things cost... but then you add it up and it... ahh! so much!!!
Our budget sounds a lot like yours... and I was almost feeling really guilty that we're working with 4 times as much as a lot of the weddings here and I feel so excessive.
For just our wedding (not including our wedding bands, honeymoon, and Rehearsal Dinner) we are spending $35k, 100 people.... We are paying for everything ourselves. I mean everything, we don't even have someone contributing $5.00 to our wedding. We are working very hard to save and to not go into any debt for this, I think in the end we will feel proud, we did it just how we wanted all by ourselves and with no debt. Maybe the guilt comes from spending someone else's money, that's probably normal :)
@kimbean: We'll console each other along the way, how does that sounds? LOL!
I think the biggest issue I had was how on earth do you know how much things really cost until you start down the planning path. You try to budget in the beginning but in reality everything is waaaay more than anticipated.
Case in point, invitations. I had estimated that they would cost $300...um no, not even close. How on earth was I supposed to know to budget almost $900 for invitations??? They are paper for crying out loud!
*Sigh* It is going to be worth it though....six more months. :)
We spent SO much money on the wedding. There were times (like 6 weeks prior) that EVERY penny we had was going toward it. I was very overwhelmed and wanted it to be over. In the end, it was worth every penny. We paid for everything in cash so in the end, I was happy!
I was told by my DH that I have "unlimited budget" for the wedding.
He knew that I was dreaming this day since I was a little girl, (long story short) I always thought I will have it since I wasn't/didn't attend my own prom.
Even with my DH's support, I couldn't imgagine spending that much on a wedding especially on things that will not last (invitations, STD, center pieces, dress, etc).
However things changed... My dad passed away while we were engaged and decided to have a small wedding. We invited closest family and friends of 44, got married at beautiful SB Court House, had wonderful reception at one of the amazing place.
I still hear from my friends and others how I did it. Well, kinda simple... Keep list of things that is MUST and things that you can live without.
My 3 MUSTs were: Food, photo and video.
Everything else I didn't care much about. Our invitations were done by me who is not a creative person, no favors, rented wedding dress for $200, we used our car (hard-top convertible) as our transportation, used music that was playing at the restaurant, our cake was from Costco, wore one my collections of shoes...
One of the most helpful tip is to BARGAIN!!! I saved thousands of $$$ doing it.
Overall, we still spent over 100K towards our 'wedding' including our rings, gifts, hotel suites that was over $1600/nt... I don't regret anything because I feel comfortable with how much I spend on things that were important to us.
My husband has a large family and they wanted a traditional wedding, so they paid for most of it. My husband and I "made back" what we put in, so we didn't "lose" any money personally.
But, to be honest, the amount of money spent on the wedding bothers me on some level. I am very frugal, and we have a ton of debt from graduate school and live paycheck to paycheck. Considering our financial situation, it just seemed.... wasteful or something. I know this is going to sound so greedy, but I just keep thinking "wow. what we could have done with all that money!" That option wasn't offered to us though, so I know I should just get over it :)
Nope. I don't regret spending a single penny of it. In fact, I wish I had kicked out the money to have a 2nd shooter and live music. It's not like I couldn't afford it. I just didn't feel that strongly about them at the time, and now, in hindsight, I should have made them a higher priority. Same with videography. I wish I had hired one because I'd love to hear our ceremony and the toasts again. Such is life.
Choose vendors that you want to do business with, whose ethics and values meet with yours. Spend amounts that seem reasonable for their skill and expertise. Focus your money on the stuff that matters to you and that will allow you to throw a wonderful party for the people who mean the most in the world to you. When you do that, what is there to feel guilty about?
I feel guilty all the time. I just hope when all is said and done I'm happy with the choices I made. We are graduate students who are footing most of the bill ourselves. I've taken a 2nd job to pay for wedding/honeymoon expenses which is practically killing me now. Any money I put over into my wedding account, I think of how I could be starting a Roth IRA or an emergency fund with it...so yeah, I feel guilty! And our budget is under 5k (but that's a lot of money to us since we're poor!)
I am dealing with this right now! I am just over 7 months out from my wedding and watching the costs rack up. I think we set an unrealistically low budget considering the venue we chose. I KNOW my parents can afford it and want to pay for it (they are paying for the whole shebang) but I still feel bad. And when I think of how much we're spending on ONE DAY I cringe.
But we're kind of too far into the process to go back now and it's not like we're going totally crazy. The flowers are going to be simple and minimal and we're doing a cash bar. But at $60/plate for food plus other little costs since we're doing the ceremony + reception at a resort the price jumped up very quickly!
@EleanorRigby: I am having a similar thought process. On one hand our day is coming together beautifully and I'm so happy about everything we've been planning but on the other hand when I start thinking thoughts like "we could pay off our car with this" or "all that money for ONE DAY" I kind of cringe at the cost. Gah!
@Treejewel19: YES! Exactly!! I had no idea how expensive everything would end up being when I first started planning. Oh my lord anything that has the word "wedding" in front of it is SO FREAKING EXPENSIVE!
@Amy43026: Haha ya our wedding is going to be close to that same cost and my parents are paying. They've said several times that it's fine and I know they have the money. But I still feel guilty!
I go back and forth. I inherited money from my Grandfather and invested most, built a house and now I'm planning a wedding. I consider price but I go for what I want. I'm not sure what final numbers will be until its all done. But I'm sure around 90k.
We're hoping to come in just under $2k for our wedding, and I have mixed emotions about it. I know for most people that is just a drop in a bucket, but for us it's a lot of money. I'm sure we'll be happy with how we've spent our money on the day of our wedding.
However, if we had a larger budget, we'd be putting more money into photography.
I feel EXTREMELY guilty. My parents have been saving. My fiance and I were doing well.. bought a house and everything, had extra money... he got laid off... so I even stopped planning... but it was hurting my parents feelings, they wanted a big wedding, and truly deep down so did I. they already had it saved and after we dicussed, just because we dont have extra money now doesnt mean in 2 years when everything is back to normal I would regret not having it. sooooo... I got back in the swing of planning, i am so excited but still feel super super super guilty. I think I have done well though I have gone under budget with my dress and my save the dates, and i know i can be creative for other things and save money. my next guilt is going to be the photographer and DJ. WHY- WHY are they so expensive? I mean seriously, my sister has an AMAZING camera.... if i didnt want her in the wedding...she should shoot it, I am going to have her do my trash the dress and engagement pictures!
PLus we are not going to have a cake.. seriously 900 for a cake? get real! me and my fiance dont even like sweets! I am not going to have a lot of flowers, just a little bit. we are doing white linen with the napkins poping the color.... but still the cheapest menu is $50 a plate and a cash bar.... so ahhhh just all adds up!!!!
I feel guilty. Our budget isn't a ton, but way more than I thought we would be spending. Originally, I thought that we would spend ~7,000 paying for it ourselves. But my parents chipped in and then my man's grandma is paying for most of it. We're still on a budget and I feel like I've gotten great deals on the dj, photographer, dress, and catering and everything we're DIYing.
Still...I keep feeling awful when I think about the total amount we're spending "but thats a car!" but then I realize that his grandma would never just throw money at us to contribute to a car or anything else. She loves her parties and wanted to make sure that we have a nice one. So then I calm down a little.
Our budget is $15 - 18K and I don't feel bad about spending every cent on making our day everything WE want it to be. One of the thing's FI and I have in common is that we NEVER (not exaggerating here), NEVER get our day in the sun. We both work hard at being good friends, good workers, and supportive family members, however when it comes to our birthdays, milestones, or graduations from college to which no one shows up (yes, this actually happened to me) NO ONE is there for us. So we decided that since it is our money anyway, we would throw ourselves the best wedding we can because WE deserve it.
ETA - I would love to do more DIY projects but I work full time and go to grad school at night so saving money on designing my own invitations, flowers, etc. just isn't an option. :-/
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Truth be told, some of my FAVORITE posts on the Bee are women who swing fabulous deals for fabulous weddings and wedding related things... I think it shows a lot of personality to control a budget really well, and still have a wedding that highlights the tastes of both the bride and groom.
That being said... I feel outrageously guilty for all the money that we, my parents (who are footing the chief of the budget), and FI's parents are going to drop on all the wedding and pre-wedding related costs. With around 300 people, we're spending about $100-$105/person... in addition to flowers, photography, videography, church, licensing, rings, dresses, tuxedos... etc etc... it's like the costs keep going on and on!
FI and I have put aside a lot of money for this wedding, as I know my parents have (I'm their only daughter, and being Asian, they sort of assumed they'd be paying for the WHOLE thing), and we're trying our best to swing deals without sacrificing quality, and trying to hire local, independantly owned vendors (with the exception of our reception, which is at a Westin... but my parents felt a hotel venue was the best for all the out of town guests and it's central location to the city and suburbs...). We're not going to be broke after this by any means, and we're really lucky to have a wicked supporting family, secure jobs, and secure finances. We also both agreed NONE of this wedding is going on credit.
But then I read posts about people that spend less than $300 on flowers and I think to myself "What are you doing wrong!? You spent that on e-pics!"
Does anyone else feel like this? At times, I just want to throw my hands up and tell my parents to take a super nice cruise, and FI and I will just go down to the courthouse and we can all meet for a nice dinner after! And other times I freak out that I'm not doing enough... or that we're going to have to spend MORE money than we already anticipate.
Whoa... sorry for this... I kinda sound bi-polar about this wedding, but it just seems like SO much money!