Post # 1
I’m getting a feeling that some of my friends are a bit jealous. I’m not sure for what exact reasons. My wedding is in a few months and FI and I just purchased a home. We haven’t moved in yet but we’ve been working on painting, cleaning and fixing. A good amount of FI’s friends have stopped by to check the place out and congratulate us. My friends, nothing. I told them they could stop by anytime because we’d probably be there getting things in order. Purchasing this home was a huge step for us, I don’t know why they wouldn’t be happy for us. We worked really hard for a year to find a home.
I don’t talk about my wedding plans much with them because most of them are without boyfriends.
Is it me?? Any other bees having this issue??
Post # 3
Not really sure how not stopping by your house and not having boyfriends means they are jealous but I will say a really good friend of mine and her FH just bought a house 3 months ago and I haven’t seen it. I’m not jealous and I want to see it but I haven’t had time, maybe they are in similar situations.
Post # 4
@SoontobeMsL: We bought a house last year and some of my friends made no effort to visit. I don’t thnk they were/are jealous though…they are just at different places in their life. My hobbies changed when we got a house, for example I prefered staying at home doing house projects. And they can’t relate and we just have different interests. It sucks, because I miss them. But I can understand their side too.
Post # 5
I agree that not stopping by to see your house probably isn’t them trying to not be excited for you, but people are busy. However if there are other things your friends are doing that make you think they may be jealous, I would say thats probably not reaching. You probably have a lot of things your friends may want, a loving SO, a new home, a wedding coming up, etc. If you think they are jealous maybe you should take some time out to spend time with them and try not to talk wedding, house, etc. Just have fun and enjoy your relationship with them.
Post # 6
I can see your point, DH and I bought a house over 2 years ago and 3 of my friends who live in my home town which is about an hour and half away and couple come this way quite a bit to go shopping have never seen our house. But those girls expect me to visit them when I am down there.
Honestly who knows if they are not in your case. As a PP said they maybe in a differ point in their life than you
Post # 7
I’m going to disagree and say a year is a long time. Especially if you’ve invited them. They probably are jealous. I feel like sometimes my friends are jealous of me. When you make big, positive steps in your life, people will be jealous. I know my friends have been of me. And I have been of them a little here and there. It’s natural. But real friends will get over their jealousy and support you and congratulate you, etc.
So maybe invite them for dinner and just haev a good time. If they don’t come, then you did good and you invited them…so move on and spend time with people who do appreciate you and support you 🙂
Congratulations on your new home!!
Post # 8
Thanks for the comments. I totally understand about everyone having their own lives and such. My friends live in the same town we purchased our house, so its not like they have to drive more than 10 minutes.
One of my close friends, got married and had a baby a few years ago. Even though I was single, I made the effort to check out her new apartment and visit when the baby was born. I didn’t let the fact that I was single interfer with my relationship with her. So that is what frustrates me a bit.
@DanielleZara: Thank you! We actually closed on the home in May. We were looking for a house for about a year.
Post # 9
You said they could come by any time, but did you specifically invite them over, as in, “Come to dinner on Wednesday!” If you haven’t specifically invited them to come over, they may just be being polite. I know that I don’t ever just randomly go over to my friends’ houses. In fact, I would probably be a little flustered if someone randomly stopped by – I mean, usually my house is in a little bit of disarray, and I would be embarassed for friends to see it on a normal day when I haven’t cleaned it up really well.
Why not have a housewarming party and invite them all over to that?
Post # 10
It sucks but sometimes friends don’t really know how to show support and happiness for others.
I definately agree with PPs that if they are in a different place in their lives, they really don’t “get” what a big deal buying a home is and putting work into is.
The same goes for planning a wedding. One of FI’s friends is the most immature guy I know and he really does not get that weddings are A. Expensive and B. Not about just getting drunk for free. No matter what we say, he just doesn’t get it. But, he very cleary shows jealously towards FI for getting married (this friend is single and very much wants a gf).
It’s a bummer when friends are super supportive but don’t let it get to you, you have bigger and better things to think about 🙂
Post # 11
Sometimes ppl are jealous of what they don’t have, but think they SHOULD have. I bought my home alone (I do have an SO.), and some of my married friends and family didn’t say anything.Not a word! I guess single women aren’t supposed to buy houses alone or they just felt put off by it. I don’t care either way. My real friends and family cared, just like I care when they bought or will buy their homes.
Post # 12
@SoontobeMsL: Wow that’s a long time. Your friends probably don’t get what a big accomplishment that is. But I know it sucks looking! 😉 So, congrats again!
Post # 13
We have some friends that distance themselves. We heard through the grapevine that some very good friends of DH’s said he was acting like he was too good for them. Although he never changed, just his salary did. It’s can be interesting they way material things can change people. I’m not sure however if it really was us that changed (i don’t think that was the case) or just that they became jealous.