Post # 1
When we got enaged, both fiancee and I said, if we could have it our way, we’d elope right then and there (in Aruba) and have no big wedding. But our families are such that we knew both would be so very hurt and dissapointed to not have a wedding so we kind of agreed that while we would do everything we could to make our day about us, it was a wedding ‘for’ everyone else.
So we set a date and picked a very nice place and have about 100 people on the guest list which is a nice size for us. I have been feeling okay about everything but somewhat lacking in motivation to plan anything and I realized the other day that its because this is not the wedding I want. I want to get married quietly with just him and I somewhere private and romantic like a beach.
I know both of our families (again) would never support this and I just don’t think its worth the hurt and anger and stress. I am trying to get on board with my own weding and get excited and find ways to make it a day I am looking forward to but I keep feeling sort of lost about it and don’t feel like planning it at all.
Has anyone else struggled with this?
Post # 3
Yes, I feel, the same way. It kind of stinks that family has so much input…and its not what you envision your day to be like!
I already cleared it up to my family that we are having a small wedding. I do not care that we have a million family members that will be upset…the wedding is just for us, our immediate families (parents, siblings) and a few close friends (like 25 ppl) that’s it.
Maybe you should do something like this, it will be more private
Post # 4
Me! I’m with you. I really wanted to have something very small up north somewhere, but both of our families would have been heartbroken not to have the chance to celebrate and have a big family wedding (we’re both the oldest of the grandkids). I’m really really close with all of my relatives, and so is my FI, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do something destination or small.
It is really hard to be motivated to do everything, and I find that I get really stressed and somewhat resentful that I have to get so many things done – things I don’t even care about! I’m so not the type of gal who dreamed about her wedding as a little girl.
I have no advice, just know you’re not alone 🙂 The only thing that helps me is thinking about how much fun everybody will have no matter what we do!
Post # 5
I wanted to get married in Europe, travel throughout Europe and have a nice informal party when we got back. That didn’t happen but eventually I got excited and now I’m glad we’ll be able to have a day with all of our friends and family in one place, I doubt there will be another time for that. Doing things for others is a bummer because the wedding is supposed to be all about you and all for you but it never does turn out quite like that!
Post # 6
A friend of mine’s mom straight up told her: My wedding wasn’t my day, it was my family’s day. And your wedding won’t be your day, it’s your family’s day.
My friend told me this when I got engaged.
It has been the most valuable wedding planning advice I have received to date.
Post # 7
there’s some truth to what hellohellohello said – weddings really are about letting people celebrate with you. but … it’s also a day that’s about you and your FI.
Maybe you can compromise?
If your family is pushing you for this wedding, maybe they can help with some of the tasks. Give them budgets and objectives, and set them to it.
Post # 8
Yup, which is why we are having a private ceremony. The reception we will be holding is totaly for our family, not for us.
Post # 9
I wanted a Europe wedding, and felt the same way when we ended up planning a big, hometown wedding day. But to be honest, I had the best time ever at my wedding, the best day of my life, and it would not have been complete without the people that were able to be there that would not have been at a small elopement. There are tons of things you can do to make your wedding yours that makes up for not having a small romantic beach/destination wedding and the love you feel from both family and your husband to be make up for any disspaointment.
Post # 10
Definitely! I’m not having our wedding for us… I’m doing it for my mother & our families. Both of us would much rather it just be the 2 of us on a beach somewhere.
I don’t want to invite 1/4 of my guests anyway… let alone pay for their dinner & drinks. Sigh.
We’ve decided down with tradition & the 2 of us will get ready together that morning… We’ll have breakfast together, he’ll help me get in my dress, etc. We’re ensuring that this day has a lot of “just us” time. Our wedding is at noon & the reception is immediately after that until about 4pm. After that we plan on going to the hotel room, relaxing, changing & going out for a fabulous dinner- just us!
I want nothing to do with anyone but Mr. RB following the family reception!
Post # 11
I do feel this way a bit. I have been married before, but it’s FI’s first wedding. If it were up to just me, we would be eloping to Paris. His family would be crushed and he really wants a wedding, too. I am having a great time planning the wedding, however. I’ve thought about it a lot and how many times do you get to gather all your family and friends together in one place for one, special day? Usually its weddings and funerals only. So, I’m at peace with the fact that one of these events is our wedding and we will be doing it our way and expressing ourselves as much as possible, while throwing a great party.
Post # 12
Yuppers! We had to pick a different day because my parents thought it was too soon. We wanted this Valentine’s Day, which is our day, but it’s before I’d be done with school so they want us to wait, so we put it August, 6 months later.
Some details my mom wants, but I don’t, because of formality (recieving line) but we both don’t want it at all. it’s a struggle & unfortunately, I like to plan by myself or with the FI only.
Post # 13
Oh, it’s totally all about my family in my case too! I just decided to do something about it. We’ve decided to exchange vows privately- as in officiant & required witnesses- beforehand, in a day that is entirely about the two of us and our commitment to one another. No family or friends who have created drama, no fancy dress or tux, flowers, photographers, or fancy dinner. I realize not everyone will agree with this, and it isn’t the right decision for everyone, but it is the decision the FI and I made for us. Come August 7, we’ll have 100 family members & friends join in for the celebration and most everyone will be mostly happy! 🙂
Post # 14
I feel that way too. The entire idea that I had for our wedding was shot down the day after we got engaged. LOL. So much had to be considered because of our families. We couldn’t just say, “This is what we want. Deal with it.” It wouldn’t have gone over very well. I find it stressful sometimes, but I know it’ll be okay in the end.
Post # 15
many times i have felt like the bridesmaid dramma was taking over the wedding ;(
Post # 16
Yep, I know exactly what you mean. I’m having a destination wedding with just Mums and Dads and a wedding party for friends and family back home. That way we’re having our small intimate wedding about us, and then the party can be about everyone else. I must admit if I had it my way I wouldn’t have bothered with the party at all (it’s a full reception with meal drinks etc), but it placates some others who will remain unmentioned 🙂
Maybe you could have you’re ‘big’ wedding with family etc and then on your honeymoon (or even before the ‘big’ day if you’d prefer) have a little symbolic ceremony with just you and your FI.