Post # 1
I’m feeling an incredible pressure from the females in my family to tie the knot and have children. The pressure has always been there, but I notice it increased so much once I hit 30. I love my SO dearly and couldn’t imagine life without him. But it seems that to some of my family members, marriage and kids is more important than waiting to tie the knot with the love of your life. I think it’s also cultural since my grandmother and mother were basically set up with people and they chose a suitor–something I could NEVER imagine doing. Anyway, I’m NOT going to listen to them and I will wait for my SO, which shouldn’t be too long.
However, I’m having problems dealing with the pressure. I try to ignore it, but somehow it comes up again. I wish I could have thicker skin but I just don’t! Have you ladies dealt with anything similar? And how did you handle it?
Post # 3
Before we were engaged, my FI’s mother pressured him all the time. Which was hard, because she didn’t realize that I was actually the one dragging my feet, not him! (There goes that cultural narrative…)
My only advice is to have a single response and stick to it, and don’t allow yourself to be drawn into arguments about it. “We are doing it in our own time. You’ll be the first to know when it happens.”
Post # 4
that really stinks! Honestly, I think the best way to deal with that is to joke about it. They most likely aren’t going to stop until your married, so tell them your not ready to join the old ball and chain club just yet lol. A friend of mine was in the same situation and she joked with them and it kept them off her back most of the time and helped her to take the sting off of what they were saying.
Post # 5
That’s EXACTLY the advice I got from my sister–she said she had to do the same thing with our mom and it worked. I guess I’m more of the serious type and find it hard to joke around when my feelings are hurt…but I really have to give this a try! Thanks.
Post # 6
I don’t feel pressure so much as I feel a lack in myself and my life. I managed to finally talk with a friend in a fairly new (on on her way to the alter) relationship about how I feel after being in the most stable relationship amongst our friends, and the longest without the repsect that comes from ebing married. The law treats you differently, family treats you differently, and friends have more respect for the married couples, even if they’ve only been together a total of 1.5 years by the time they get married.
I feel as though I am the last (and I kinda am in our circle), I feel kinda defective, like why are these other girls so important to their men, and I’m just not good enough?
Our society still tells women, even if they are successful in their careers, even if they will never be Stay-At-Home Mom or Stay-At-Home Wife that they still need to “prove” their worth by getting themselves a husband. My pressure is ostly internal as we’ve been together so long it seems stupid to NOT already be married, but I can see the pressure ladies with family pushing can face.
Post # 7
I’ve gotten this alot. No great solutions, but some coping mechanisms:
1. Joke about it, avoid the topic. (Handles the on the spot problem)
2. Talk to them and tell them you are thrilled they love your SO too, and you will let them know when you are ready. (Direct approach to try to limit the comment. I haven’t had to deal with the “get married to anyone now and have babies” issue, mine specifically wants this bf, but I’d say bascially ignore the suggestion to dump SO and focus on the get married part, assume it’s to him.)
3. Get an ally! The other day, my mom asked me: Was it me or my bf that didn’t want to get married? She’s been trying to save for a wedding – should she continue to do so? Would the family vacation next year interfere with a wedding? My dad is the one who said to my mom “Leave her alone.” (Yay for other people assisting in the moment.)
And always remember they are saying this because they want you to be happy. Grit your teeth and remind yourself of them. Then go post the story on the bee so you can laugh at it.
Post # 8
Only pressure for me and from my grandparents then myself of course…..But I have a few friends/cousins/aunts here and there that make mention of it around the family…annoying!!!