Post # 1
It’s a well-publicized fact that one of the biggest factors of conflict in relationships and divorce stem from issues over money–whether there’s too little or too much, how you spend, whose debt is whose, planning for the future, and keeping things secret.
I found this article, The Six Financial Mistakes Couples Make really interesting and eye-opening to research pre-marriage. Having similar expectations when iat comes to dealing with money is a very good starting point to a successful relationship when it comes to financial issues.
My fiance doesn’t like to talk about money, although he is very open about his financial situation. He’s just not interested in it! While he’s in grad school with a very meager income I think he will be happy to let me handle the day-to-day money when we’re married. But I’m going to have to make a conscious effort to keep him informed of where we stand big picture, long term–even if he doesn’t want to hear it!
Do you and your fiance ever fight about money? Is it a closed topic? Are you both willing to talk about it and work together?
Post # 3
We have practically identical attitudes about money and I don’t know if we’ve ever fought about it. Both of us came from ridiculously frugal no-frills families, and that’s how we want to do it too. He knows how much in student loans I have, we agree on how to handle it, and neither of us has any significant credit card debt. So it’s pretty easy for us. Since we’re getting married this year, we talk about pretty much every big purchase with each other but haven’t yet gotten any joint accounts.
Post # 4
It has taken me years- YEARS!- to get him to realize that he needs to stop spending and start saving, and gasp, pay his bills on time! He wouldn’t have any credit if it wasn’t for me taking over responsibility for paying his bills. He is so much better now, trying to change, but not quite there yet 🙂 Which is why I answered "all the time" because he never wants to talk about our savings and a budget, which can be frustrating! But, I do get to discuss it with him a little bit at a time, so he’ll get there one day. 🙂
Post # 5
I wouldn’t say that we "fight" about money, but sometimes we disagree about how to spend our money. If my FI had it his way we would have no 401K’s and instead we would have snowmobiles. He is half joking about his proposed splurges, but, I think he feels that people are overly concerned with money. His dad passed at a young age, suddenly. So, his theory is that you should enjoy life, because who knows how long you will be around to enjoy your savings. I agree, somewhat, but also feel that saving is important.
Post # 6
I didn’t vote because we are married and there was no "other" option. We didn’t start fighting about money until after we got married and bought a house. We closed escrow on the house a month ago and we’ve fought about money every week since. It is amazing how much things have changed and how much our stress levels have gone up. Ugh. At the moment the issue is furnishing the house. We moved from an 800 sq foot condo to a 2800 sq ft house that is practically empty. I want to furnish and decorate it slowly so I can do it right and be happy with my choices. My husband wants me to go to garage sales and just get it furnished quickly. He is about function and I am about coordination. 🙂
Post # 7
We do not fight about money. I don’t think we ever did. We’re both very giving people emotionally and financially. And that translates into our relationship.
For a long time when we were in school he was the one that paid for 95% of everything. He had a full time job and I didn’t. That was really hard! Just in terms of not being able to go out a lot, etc.For about two years (before then it was practically combined) now we have completely combined our incomes, one savings, one checking. No personal accounts. This is just the way we are, we see no need to have a personal "spending" account. We also bought a house together about two years ago which also prompted the combining of accounts. It just made sense. If one of us wants to make a splurge buy it comes out of the weekly budget or we take some off of each weeks upcoming budget to make up for it.
And I wholeheartedly agree that money is a big factor in failing relationships. I believe everything should be a open book. But then people are funny about money. I always think of that one couple (ETA: Lena St. Clair & Harold!) in The Joy Luck Club where her & her husband had completely seperate accounts. For EVERYTHING they each wrote out a check split completely down the middle, down to the cent. We don’t get it but everyone’s different.
Post # 8
We don’t fight about money, but the situation makes us both (well, mainly me) very uncomfortable. He’s very generous and pays for a lot of our shared expenses, we have divided up the bills in a way that seems pretty fair, but I still have very little spending money after I pay the bills and my student loans. I get a little upset when he has extra money to buy fun things and I’m scrimping to pay a large bill we don’t split. And if he offers to buy me something, like a book or a shoes or anything, really, I feel guilty. I guess I’m still getting used to this part of the partnership.
Post # 9
Caliocteach–I added an option for "other" but I can’t edit the post anymore.
Sorry, sometimes I forget about the already marrieds, and assume everyone is still engaged! It could go for either spouses or engageds.
Post # 10
We have yet to fight about money with good reason we do not live together yet. I am sure with time we will have our differences but, I have great confidence that we will be able to communicate and work it out without it turning into a fight.
Post # 11
JenineD–I agree. When we combine finances, things might be a lot different! (even from what I predict, knowing our personality and habits now)
Post # 12
I thought that DH and I would fight more about money after we got married – but I am happy to report, we don’t!! We dated for 5.5 years when he proposed and lived together after that before we got married for another 2 years. We are both pretty practical people so we get our bills paid on time. But we both also understand when the other wants to splurge on a little something now and then and we don’t begrudge each other that delight. 🙂
I think that it took us some time to figure it all out, but we just communicate very openly and matter-of-factly about our finances (debt included). There is no blame, just effective problem solving.
Good Luck – money is never an easy issue! 🙂
Post # 13
Sort of. He owns his own company (new media and marketing firm), as well as teaching design to students at a local college. I’m a doctoral student who goes to school full time. He always has more money than I do, especially since I’m living off of loans.
However, I have been very open with him regarding the amount of debt that I have (school and CC debt) as he has.
So we don’t fight about it, but its not a surprise that he has more money than I do. With money, just like everything else, we are very open in our communication (or at least we try to be). We have similar goals so I think once we get married we should be good.