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I can honestly say that we have never had a fight. He has gotten upset with me (usually unbeknownst to me) and gone to bed, but the next day we talk about what was bothering him, or he flat out says he's sorry. (Usually beer related).
@tksjewelry: that's really good! We're long distance at the moment and tend to have little spats on the phone over silly things because of it, we both know they're silly things but we still have it out anyway lol
I understand that, we have been LDR from time to time because of his work, gone for months at a time.
Actually, I'm with tk. My partner and I don't fight. We do have our small disagreements on the rare occassion but we both talk it out. We've never raised our voices to each other or anything like that. But I think that if it came down to it, I would definately be the one who didn't "fight fair". Though.... I could never see her hurting or upset so that would be really hard :/
Well I've got to add to the board that we do sometimes fight!
I try to be nice, but if things get heated, I tend not to fight fair. I so regret it later, because my Fiance is much more even tempered and unlikely to fight dirty.
I enjoy arguing so I separate arguing from fighting and fighting from disagreements. I would say we've fought once where we were kind of yelling and a bit heated (NOT physically, and NO name-calling) during our 4th year together. It was actually very productive because it basically ended something we had been disagreeing about for a year. As for disagreements, we disagree very fairly but also rarely when we're doing well. I'd say the last time we had a disagreement was a couple months ago or more... we don't really remember.
Arguing however is quite frequent and probably not at all like what you guys think when I say argue. I guess better words would be debate and discuss. For example, our last debate/discussion was about what color pants he should wear to an interview!
We were arguing, fighting a lot in our first year together. I mean a LOTTTTTTTTT. It wasn't always fair (thanks to me). But over the past couple of years, we've sorted out a lot of our issues and the way we argue/fight. We are fair and more often than not, we have a calm composure through it all. I guess we have realized that we will be together for the rest of our lives so might as well not waste time.
My FH and I are exactly alike with out fighting styles and this can be really bad actually!
Stubborn and really good at bringing other stuff into it.
In calmer times we have made some 'rules' when it comes to fighting. We are so much better now. A little bickering disagreement stays exactly what it is, instead of turning into something bigger.
DH doesn't fight fair. He'll say stuff like "I'm sorry I'm a failure" or "I'm sorry I'm a fu--up" because he knows it kills me when he says things like that. Makes me cry every time, then he apologizes like crazy.
With ex boyfriends crying would work every time. With my husband, not so much. I learned pretty early that it's not going to get me anywhere and it just gives me a headache.
We tend to have smaller disagreements than full-out fights, but we do both fight fair. Sometimes I feel like we're on an episode of Full House, lol, because we'll both sit down and say how we both feel about an issue, and then we try to compromise. But, that's just the general rule, we have had a few pouty moments on both of our ends :).
And OP, when FI and I were long distance for just a few months, I didn't fight fair at all. I would definitely cry on the phone or just stay silent. I lived with a person who's in our friend group, and I knew stuff got back to him sometimes, so when it got really bad, I spent a night just drinking a few rum and cokes and moping. We decided after that summer that we don't do so well in a LDR, lol, and we're trying our best to keep jobs in the area we're at now. Kudos to you for just crying!
@Oneeleven: exactly like us.
We used to argue so unfairly, bringing other things in, not backing down, etc and it would turn into a huge multi hour blow out.
Now that we have rules we don’t fight, we may disagree but it doesn’t turn into these huge episodes it used to.
I tend to fight more fair than FI. I like to keep the fight on topic whereas FI brings up everything about me that has ever upset him.
We tend to bicker about little things and usually we fight fair but sometimes he'll pretend to be upset to get his way haha, sometimes I do but barely ever. Usually I just want the last word.
Yes we fight fair. Sometimes it involves taking a minute to calm down, but we manage to do it. It's hard! No one can push my buttons like DH :)
I know I don't fight fair. When I am mad... watch out! He usually just wants the fights to end. Once he gets his point across, he is done and just wants to move on. I can go on for hours... poor guy.
I didn't vote because, I'm wondering: Does going for the throat count as fair or unfair? 'cause that's what we do.
I applaude anyone who says they don't fight. We've been together 8 years, through hell and high water. I kinda figure arguments and fights are going to happen in any marraige and/or relationship.
We've worked through them and still plan on being married, lol.
oh, and I have the true Irish temper and it's both a blessing and a curse, lol.
I'm glad I am not the only cryer lol SO, my mum and nanna all like to have a laugh about my "crocodile tears" which infuriates me because before Mum and Nan took pity on the poor guy and told him of my "dramatic ways" I had had several years of winning just by having a sook lol
@Ms Hedgehog: You sound like me, doesn't matter who it is or what it's about I cannot stop until I am 100% sure that not only has the person listened to me but agrees that I am right lol
@Zinzerena: I would think that maybe in some circumstances going for the throat is called for lol
Based on these responses, I'd say we definitely don't fight fair. I cry and scream, and he turns into a silent Stone, pissing me off even more. We're both stubborn and we both don't back down. Our fights are pretty epic.
So... how do I learn to fight fair?
Occasionally we'll fight, mostly over stuff like money, which honestly right now is super stressful. I don't think he fights fair because he'll try to logic me out of being upset with aknowleging that my feelings get hurt. I tend to fly off the handle and accuse him of being insensitive when he's not... then I just stop talking.... I honestly think I'm worse, but his damn logic makes me SO MAD!
@arenyth: I need to know this too, I just can't seem to explain myself or what I'm thinking/feeling without being overwhelmed and frustrated and SO just sits there calmly explaining all his stuff without a problem much like your guy @bonsai_spork
Early on in our relationship, I tried to pull the emotional card - but he didn't buy it. I've tried and tried - but he never budges. On one hand - it's annoying as all get out. On the other hand, I've always respected him for not caving in.... usually he knows when I'm truly upset vs. just trying to get sympathy/reaction. I suppose I'm well-trained :)
@TrentsGirl: lol yep! I get so overemotional that I forget what we were fighting about, just that I know I'm very upset and it's for a good reason haha. FI actually told me after we made up one time that he feels so bad when he knows he's going to win an argument just because my emotions made my brain go to mush.
@TrentsGirl: lol, it's a complete no-holds-barred fight with us, though I HAVE gotten better at voicing my reasonings.
we've managed to keep from throwing things at each other, but we also tend to keep a table between us, too! LOL! Mostly cause I know he'll end up wanting to hold me and comfort me I'll be stubborn and not want it! (well, eventually I do, but not at first, lol).
I used to use manipulation but have gotten much better in the 7 years we have been together. Now we both fight fair.
I'm teaching him how to fight hair. He's almost there! ;)
It's very important to me to have healthy arguments. We haven't had many, and they've been learning curves for both of us, but we're both getting better. Espeically Mr.twist. He never used to fight fair... bottled it up, left the room to sleep it off. I need to talk it out, and he's MUCH better at this now.
We fight fair, but I always cry. I can't just talk through it. Trying to work on it!
We haven't really fought in a long time, but we do bicker. Bickering is usually stemmed by hunger/lack of sleep honestly. It's always snarky comments. Both of us do it!
more or less we do fight fair. we tend to get really upset for a few minutes, but then talk it out rationally. we don't have fights that last long at all--like most often, i get frustrated that he isn't communicating or is being selfish or something and might yell or say unfair things or stomp around, but that usually lasts like less than 5 minutes and then we talk it out.
@oracle: SO doesn't always know the difference between me being actually upset and me trying to get my way, I had rolled over and was sulking once and he actually felt my face to see if I was really crying hahaha
We used to fight, and fight unfairly. Lots of feelings hurt, lots of bs, etc. We had a lot of growing up to do in a lot of ways, and thankfully have grown together rather than apart. That was during the first few years of our relationship, moreso.
Now we just bicker about stupid stuff, and the "big" stuff is handled MUCH better.
Oh, when I say "bicker" I'm basically thinking of Debra and Ray on Everybody Loves Raymond. ;)
@arenyth: I wonder that too. Eventually I just get mad (instead of weepy and mopey) and that's totally when my gloves come off.
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Just wondering if you ladies fight fair when having a disagreement with your partner or if maybe they don't fight fair themselves.
I tend to turn on the waterworks if I feel I am not getting my way (SO knows this and calls me out on it all the time
) Do you have a fall back when arguing? Is there anything you pull out to come out on top?