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oh gosh...no no no. Don't ask about the gift
I understand. I REALLY understand. I am excited to get gifts and as tacky as it is to admit....I am going to be hurt if some people don't give. I just had my Bparty this weekend and no one gave me a gift...and I know it sounds bad...but I totally noticed and felt a little let down.
BUT...I don't think you can EVER ask about a gift. I think you have to jsut assume they didn't get you anything and then just let it go. Maybe "accidently" forget to send them an xmas card this year...(passive aggressive I know haha)....but I don't think you can say anything.
I wouldn't say anything. I would wait for them. If I gave someone a gift and I did't receive a thank you (written or otherwise) I would probably ask the receiver if they enjoyed the gift. It may make your guests feel awkward if you ask them and they did in fact not give you a gift.
I agree. Don't ask about the gift. Maybe you could just send a thank you note thanking them for taking the trip for your wedding and how much you loved having them there.
I wouldn't expect a gift from someone if I know they had to spend a lot of money to travel for my wedding. Having them there with me on the day is more important than a gift.
I wouldn't say anything. Hopefully nothing got lost, but you should assume that they just didn't give anything. If you don't acknowledge a gift that they *did* send, it'll get back to you.
i wouldn't say anything about the gift. you can still send them a thank you note for coming to your wedding. if they did send a gift, they may find it odd that you did not thank them for the gift and ask you about it (if they did send one). if, after you send the thank for coming note and they don't say anything, i think it's safe to assume their presence was their present.
I agree, if I was a guest and you did not acknowledge the gift I gave/sent I would more than likely check in with you after some time of not receiving a thank-you...or maybe mention to someone else involved in the wedding which always gets back to you! Just hold tight, you are bound to find out if that's the case.
I am also on the don't not say anything boat... If you feel you must say something I would write them a Thank You for coming to the wedding and how much you appreciate their attending your wedding from so far away. If they got you something they may contact you and ask if you received if after that b/c you didn't mention anything in the Thank You.
No no no! Don't do it, don't ask about the gift.
Just send them a thank you for attending card, and if they sent a gift and you don't mention it they will likely be curious and mention it.
We should never assume we will get gifts for anything (yes, it is customary ... but a wedding is a wedding, not a gift-grab)
I agree that you can't ask about the gift! That would be a BIG no-no.
I would assume that they didn't get you anything (even a card). If they did write you a big check that got lost (seems unlikely) then eventually they will ask you why you haven't cashed it. As hard as it is, I would just write them a thank-you card, thanking them for sharing your wedding day with you. Hopefully they will feel bad once they get the thank-you card!
I agree with the other posters - just send a thank you for their coming to share the day with you. I think if they did in fact give a gift, they would notice that you didn't mention it in your thank you and probably ask you about it. Good luck!
Oh my gosh, no! If it's a check, they'll likely notice that you never cashed/deposited it, and will follow up with you. Let it be the other way around.
This actually happened to me as well. Luckily, the person whose gift I didn't receive was my MOH's parents. I just asked her if they had given her a card to put in the card box, and she said yes. I knew I didn't have it, so I told her...it's just not like her parents to not give a gift, so I knew there was something up.
In a few other cases, like my husband's cousin, we didn't say anything. We just sent them a thank you note saying that we appreciated their presence at our wedding and was glad we were able to celebrate with them. We figured that if they had given a card with a check inside, they would notice that it was missing when we didn't cash the check. Sometimes, people will come to you. We went to a wedding where we noticed our check hadn't been cashed for over a month. I asked the couple about it, and they didn't want to be rude and ask, so our card must have gotten lost. That's why I always write a check for wedding gifts rather than put money in a card...just in case!
Please do NOT say anthing to them about the gifts. Just send the a TY for being at my wedding kind of card.
NO! Do not ask them about a gift! Thank them for coming and leave it at that. if they got you something or wrote a check, they will let you know.
It's a bad economy. Maybe travel and hotel was all they could afford.
I'm on the same page as everyone else here - don't ask about it! It stinks that we have a bad economy, but it could be the reason behind not getting a gift. Also, there is a 1 year grace period for people to get you a gift...perhaps they are waiting? They could be saving up some money to purchase a gift at a later date because they just spent a lot of money coming to the wedding???
I agree with everyone on not mentioning the gift. We had about 7 guests/couples that didn't bring a gift, and some did actually forget the card at home and either dropped it off with my mom later or mailed it to us. It's been almost two months, and we got another forgotten card last week!
The others were all from out of town and I know the airfare and hotel costs were hard for them to fit into their budgets, so I am just glad that they came!
I would not ask about the gift, but hold off on a thank-you note for a while (because this will sometimes encourage people who sent a gift to ask if you received it). If the people never ask whether or not you got the gift, then send a note thanking them for sharing your day with you (and, if you want to be passive-aggressive -- because not sending even a card is RUDE -- note that "your presence was enough of a gift" or something like that).
Do NOT say anything about the gift.
Thank them for coming to your wedding and let them know it was a pleasure to have them :)
Keep in mind that in certain areas of the country, it is fully acceptable to send a gift up to a year after the ceremony. I ordered a Vera Wang vase for my friend who was getting married in Hawaii and I couldn't attend. It was backordered and I forgot about it. Lo and behold, about 9 months later, Kara received it!
I would send a thank you note to them sooner rather than later because if they did get you a gift which you somehow didn't receive, they will probably inquire about it. You may even want to make sure to personalize the card, such as mentioning how pretty someone's purse was, etc., to make it clear that you are not simply sending out generic thank you cards to everyone.
yes, i echo the words of the other ladies, do not ask about the gift, i would send out the thank you cards soon to all the guest and on theirs I would mention "thank you for your gift of being at our wedding"
i would send out your thank you notes for every gift you got, and have someone in the family or a friend spread the word that all of the thank you notes were sent. if someone doesn't get a thank you note but did send you a gift, that will clue them in that you never received it.
well you send out thank you notes to everyone who came to your wedding, regardless of if they got you a gift or not
msduck, why would you send out thank you notes to everyone? I have never heard of that before.
I wouldn't say anything to those people. It would be super awkward if they didn't get you anything. If you really wanted to send them a TY note, just say something about nice it was to see them at the wedding. Although, FWIW, I thought you were only obligated to send TYs for the gifts received/sent, not to those who didn't give a gift. I might be wrong though.
I agree completely with the other bees! By asking if the gift got lost, it may make your guests feel badly if they hadn't actually given you a present. I would also send a "thanks for making the trek out here" kind of thank you note... if they did send a gift they'll be thrown off by the lack of "thanks for the [insert cool gift here]" and mention something to you!
All the best!
Yeah, there is no tactful way to ask. The most you could do is have a mutual friend who is a good actor ask what THEY gave you b/c he/she wasn't sure if his/her gift was good enough.
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Just send them a thank you for coming. 
Hi everyone,
I had about 5 couples out of 50 not bring a gift to my wedding.. I'm wondering to myself whether I lost them or whether they just dind't bring them? Half of these couples are out of town. I was told if someone has to book a flight and accomodatoins, then their presence is your gift. is that true? And is it ok to send them a note saying:
"Hey, I was so happy to have you at my wedding. I was giong through the gifts and I may have lost yours. Its ok that you dind't bring a gift but I wanted to check in just in case."
I'm more concerned if they spent a lot of money, or wrote a big check, and wonder why we didn't send a thank you note rather than the gift itself. But I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is and I dont want to burn bridges. But if they coudln't even give at least a card, than I might feel a little slighted.
Thanks!