Post # 1
I had about 5 couples out of 50 not bring a gift to my wedding.. I’m wondering to myself whether I lost them or whether they just dind’t bring them? Half of these couples are out of town. I was told if someone has to book a flight and accomodatoins, then their presence is your gift. is that true? And is it ok to send them a note saying:
"Hey, I was so happy to have you at my wedding. I was giong through the gifts and I may have lost yours. Its ok that you dind’t bring a gift but I wanted to check in just in case."
I’m more concerned if they spent a lot of money, or wrote a big check, and wonder why we didn’t send a thank you note rather than the gift itself. But I’m not sure what the proper etiquette is and I dont want to burn bridges. But if they coudln’t even give at least a card, than I might feel a little slighted.
Post # 3
oh gosh…no no no. Don’t ask about the gift
I understand. I REALLY understand. I am excited to get gifts and as tacky as it is to admit….I am going to be hurt if some people don’t give. I just had my Bparty this weekend and no one gave me a gift…and I know it sounds bad…but I totally noticed and felt a little let down.
BUT…I don’t think you can EVER ask about a gift. I think you have to jsut assume they didn’t get you anything and then just let it go. Maybe "accidently" forget to send them an xmas card this year…(passive aggressive I know haha)….but I don’t think you can say anything.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t say anything. I would wait for them. If I gave someone a gift and I did’t receive a thank you (written or otherwise) I would probably ask the receiver if they enjoyed the gift. It may make your guests feel awkward if you ask them and they did in fact not give you a gift.
Post # 5
I agree. Don’t ask about the gift. Maybe you could just send a thank you note thanking them for taking the trip for your wedding and how much you loved having them there.
I wouldn’t expect a gift from someone if I know they had to spend a lot of money to travel for my wedding. Having them there with me on the day is more important than a gift.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I wouldn’t say anything. Hopefully nothing got lost, but you should assume that they just didn’t give anything. If you don’t acknowledge a gift that they *did* send, it’ll get back to you.
Post # 7
i wouldn’t say anything about the gift. you can still send them a thank you note for coming to your wedding. if they did send a gift, they may find it odd that you did not thank them for the gift and ask you about it (if they did send one). if, after you send the thank for coming note and they don’t say anything, i think it’s safe to assume their presence was their present.
Post # 8
I agree, if I was a guest and you did not acknowledge the gift I gave/sent I would more than likely check in with you after some time of not receiving a thank-you…or maybe mention to someone else involved in the wedding which always gets back to you! Just hold tight, you are bound to find out if that’s the case.
Post # 9
I wouldnt ask about the gift. it seems like you’re fishing for it.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
I am also on the don’t not say anything boat… If you feel you must say something I would write them a Thank You for coming to the wedding and how much you appreciate their attending your wedding from so far away. If they got you something they may contact you and ask if you received if after that b/c you didn’t mention anything in the Thank You.
Post # 11
No no no! Don’t do it, don’t ask about the gift.
Just send them a thank you for attending card, and if they sent a gift and you don’t mention it they will likely be curious and mention it.
We should never assume we will get gifts for anything (yes, it is customary … but a wedding is a wedding, not a gift-grab)
Post # 12
I agree that you can’t ask about the gift! That would be a BIG no-no.
I would assume that they didn’t get you anything (even a card). If they did write you a big check that got lost (seems unlikely) then eventually they will ask you why you haven’t cashed it. As hard as it is, I would just write them a thank-you card, thanking them for sharing your wedding day with you. Hopefully they will feel bad once they get the thank-you card!
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel
I agree with the other posters – just send a thank you for their coming to share the day with you. I think if they did in fact give a gift, they would notice that you didn’t mention it in your thank you and probably ask you about it. Good luck!
Post # 14
Oh my gosh, no! If it’s a check, they’ll likely notice that you never cashed/deposited it, and will follow up with you. Let it be the other way around.
Post # 15
My first response is NO!!!! Do not follow up. Absolutely not.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t say anything. Check out Emily Posts advice here.