Post # 1
i had my AHR this past saturday. it was great, however, a couple of guests said they were coming and didn’t show up. One in particular who is an old friend and who practically invited himself, but in the end i wanted him and is gf to come and i was really looking forward to seeing them.
Granted i know this was a backyard BBQ, but i still invited a bunch of people and therefore needed to know many were coming so i could be sure to have plenty of food and drinks for everyone. well this particular couple didn’t show up and i haven’t heard from them since. another old friend (who is notorious for never replying, but this time said she was coming) did not show with her husband and 2 kids. then i had 2 friends who were sick. one of them emailed me in the morning (to say her and her husband were not coming) and i appreciated she told me. the other one i happened to initiate a conversation with on facebook the night before and it was then he told me that he was sick, and would call me tomorrow to let me know if he was coming or not – haven’t heard from him since.
so basically i bought food for these 9 people (4 friends plus their SOs/kids) and only one of them actually contacted me to explain why she couldn’t come. i have also talked to her again since saturday and she told me she felt bad for not coming. the others – nothing.
am i supposed to contact them in this case or just let it go? i am kind of annoyed though about it and more annoyed because they have not bothered to call/email to explain their absence.
Post # 3
I feel like if someone no-shows it is their responsibility to come to you and apologize. We only had three no-shows at our wedding. One was a +1 of a guest so I don’t really care, one was the gf of my dh’s cousin (who i’ve met before… so that seemed kind of strange he showed up without her) but since the cousin at least came we’ll prob just let that go and not say anything. The third one was a friend of mine. First she missed the RSVP deadline, then after tracking her down she says she’s coming. Then she (I found out later) texted a mutual friend the morning of my wedding to say she wasn’t coming (no reason given) and the friend told her she HAD to at least email me to apologize for missing it. No email, no text, no facebook, no-show. I haven’t spoken to her since and after a few months I just de-friended her on fb. If she was a good friend I probably would’ve tried harder to at least find out what happened… but I feel like she was sooooooo incredibly rude and we weren’t really close anyways so it isn’t really a relationship worth saving.
Post # 4
@dynamic_duo: I wouldn’t go out of my way to ask them. I do think it’s their responsibility to check in with you about it but if they don’t, i would just ask them when i saw them next.
If it was me it would sound something like ‘Hey guys! Where the F were you last Saturday?’
Post # 5
We had 7 no shows and 2 that left after the ceremony at our wedding. I thiink most of them contacted me or our parents in some way to explain. I don’t really know that I’d go chasing them down. Most were friends of our parents that we could have invited one of our OWN friends in place of that actually would have enjoyed attending, so that kind of burns my butt, but I pretty much just let it go.
And besides after the reason the two that left in between gave, I was a little afraid to ask…
Post # 6
We had 2 no shows. The other guests knew that she couldn’t make it and she then messaged me two days later- her work scheduled her the Thursday before to work another wedding and couldn’t find anyone to replace her. The other was a pain to get an RSVP from in the first place and then didn’t show. We’re not too concerned about her.
Post # 7
@CorgiTales: so basically you are saying i should not contact them? the one where it was an old friend who invited himself, is the one i am most tempted to contact. knowing him and his personality, he might have just forgot. but then it was his gf that RSVP’d with me and you would think she would remember!
the other friend who is notorious for never replying, i definitely gave up on her a loooonng time ago, so i feel no desire to contact her. i only invited her because she showed up at my bridal shower (total surprise – she didn’t RSVP or reply to follow ups for RSVPs) and because i was her Bridesmaid or Best Man years ago.
the friend who was most likely still sick probably thinks i know he was sick, but i am still annoyed he didn’t call like he said he would still has not contacted me to date.
and don’t get me started on plus ones. i basically had two plus ones just decide not to come. i was a bit annoyed at this too, but that’s life – normally i wouldn’t care, its just that i spent alot of money on food and drinks, have a TON of leftovers, and had in reality 13 people out of the 55 i counted not show. (there was another couple that didn’t come but due to a recent falling out, i was not sure if they were going to show up or not).
i guess i am overall frustrated because i feel like people didn’t take the event seriously because it was a BBQ. well some people did take it seriously and even got dressed up and brought gifts, which was more than i was expecting. i guess the least i expected was for those that told they were coming to come!
Post # 8
We had 5 people not show up…
One couple…we never heard a reason why. They were one of the first people to RSVP yes, we’ve interacted with them since..never got an explanation but never asked why. Maybe they forgot? Who knows.
The second couple was an engaged couple…they broke up the same week of our wedding. I’ve interacted with since but definitely didn’t need to ask why they didn’t show up.
The 5th person was just a notoriously flakey friend of DH’s and he never explained nor did Darling Husband ask why he didn’t show.
I would just leave it up to them if they choose to tell you our not, or possibly bring it up the next time you saw them. It’s kind of a letdown when people suddenly go MIA but it happens. I guess if they were close enough for me to invite to the wedding (aside from +1s) then they are good enough to get the benefit of a doubt from me until proven otherwise.
Some people just have no idea the amount of time and money it takes to plan a wedding and don’t really see how concrete their RSVP is in the grand scheme I guess!
Post # 9
we had about 150 people at our party after we eloped – i couldnt even guess if anyone didnt show up although there were some extras
as annoying as it is i wouldnt contact them
Post # 10
@eloping: ok ok, i won’t….sigh. but i think i will initiate the next fb chat when i see them online and see what they say.
Post # 11
Probably passive aggressive, but next time I have a shindig and those flakes want to come, I’ll just ask, “Oh, like last time when you said you’ll be here but didn’t show up, and gave no explanation?”
Post # 12
Don’t make a big deal about it. Ask the next time you talk to them, but don’t ruin a friendship. I hate to say it, but it’s a BBQ, not a $100 plated dinner.
Post # 13
Well, I know this isn’t quite as formal or big of a deal, but at my 18th birthday party a “friend” was all about coming and wanted me to meet her new boyfriend…but she never showed up. No explanation, ever. It’s been a year and a half and the only time she spoke to me was to tell me she got a spam email from my account, and it was a very curt message. Still confuses me…I never asked what happened and she isn’t invited to my wedding.
Post # 14
@red_pepper_gal: don;t worry, i won’t be ruining any friendships. in fact, as i mentioned, the no show that irked me the most is an old friend who i don’t see or talk to regularly. But he invited himself and made a point of saying “I’ll be there” and “I wouldn’t miss it”. so i went ahead and sent an invite. his girlfriend RSVPd on behalf of both of them….and then no show with no follow up. so whether its a BBQ or a $100 plated dinner, i guess i was a little hurt because i was actually happy and excited to see this old friend and that he seemed to really want to come.
lol, i guess that’s what it comes down to, my feelings were hurt, which i know i will get over soon enough and forget about it.
ETA: i have also been tempted to contact him to find out why he was a no show, but was on the fence about it, so I wanted some bees input – i have now decided i won’t bother with it.
Post # 15
I’d be hurt if people were no shows – unless they were people I didn’t wan to invite anyhow. If I have no shows, I won’t be following up – it’s their loss. Luckily I don’t have to pay for people until after the fact, so it isn’t a monetary concern either.