- Mrs. Leopard
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: November 2008
How is your relationship with your FMIL or MIL?
How is your relationship with your FMIL or MIL?
We REALLY don’t have much in common, and that’s made wedding planning more challenging than I imagined. For example, I wanted the RD in a small Italian restaurant in Philly, but she wanted to look at bar down the road from our church (that I know to be very popular with the local college crowd).
My FMIL has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on things, and where our wedding is concerned it kind of translates into her coming off as controlling and manipulative- she’ll just push and push and push about whatever idea she has for the wedding, when really she’s just worried that she hasn’t communicated it to us properly.
I can see where having different tastes during your planning could be tough – especially when it comes to the RD.
I get along with mine MOST of the time. We’ve had a few falling outs but overall, we have a good relationship.
So far, so good with my FMIL! My FI has been on his own for over 10 years so she knows I’m not taking him away from her, so to speak. Also, I lost my mom 5 years ago, so there’s no competition. She can dote on me all she wants and not feel like she’s stepping on anyone elses toes.
My FMIL and I get along fine. We aren’t necessarily buddies but we understand each other. I helped her pick her dress, and it was something she never would have tried on her own but she trusted my judgement, tried on the dress and loved it.
i really have no idea what my relationship with my FMIL is like/will be like. Snice fi lives across the country, and I only visit there every 4 months or so (I have been out maybe 5 times), it’s hard to get to know her very well. Since we’ve been engaged we email every onc ein a while, but I definitely feel a little distant from her. No disagreement or drama, just….distance I guess!
Time will tell when I move out there and see her more often…I certainly hope we can have a close relationship and not just a tolerate eachother/get along relationship!
We don’t really fight but I think its safe to say we don’t agree on a lot, we just don’t vocalize it. I am not overly comfortable around her but its kind of her personality. She is VERY different from my mother, who I am very close with. Things are slowly improving though I think.
I’m so lucky that I’m marrying into such a wonderful family. His mom cares so much for other people, and has spent her whole life in community service. She’s kind, caring, and I’ve never ever heard her say an unkind word about another person.
I feel like I won the MIL (and FIL) lottery. It makes sense, they raised a beautiful, kind and loving man.
We are just so different. It’s not easy, that’s for sure. But, I’m not an arguer in the slightest, so we have never fought.
I know she loves me, in her own way. & I am okay with that
I’m lucky to be in the same boat as doctorgirl, my guy’s mom is an amazing woman. I can’t wait to start on our planning because I know between her and my own mom it’s going to be so much fun. From the first day I met his mom, she has made me feel a part of the family already, I love spending time with her, she’s already become my "other mom".
DH’s mom is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Like, NEVER says a bad thing about ANYONE. And ALWAYS happy to help out however she can. She came and stayed with us for a week when DH was sick and I joked that once she left I’d have to actually get up and get my own snacks ….
That said, I wouldn’t say we’re "close." I don’t see her much, as they live several states away, so I don’t quite know her well enough. She’s also not a particularly open person, as in sharing personal info, so it’s hard to "know" her on a more personal level. However, I’m sure that over the years we’ll grow closer, esp once DH and I have kids (she ADORES her grandkids and is amazing with them).
I’m VERY lucky. My FMIL is amazing! We get along perfectly and I consider her a close friend. I know its rare and I’m so thankful!
There is a language and cultural barrier between myself and his parents all in all.
His mom and I are respectful and thoughtful to one another. But I think it is awkward with the language barrier. It isn’t about lack of yearning for a better relationship. It’s just difficult to be supportive.
For example. Recently she called her son (my fiance)- he missed the call. But seconds later, my phone started to ring. I didn’t recognize the number so I didn’t answer. But I told my FH I received a ### call. He was driving, so he said -oh it’s my mom’s number, she must need something can you call her? So I returned the call and she was clearly upset. All I could gather was she fell outside of the gym and was bleeding should she go to the doctor? Long story short- she is 65 yrs old, has proprioception issues, and managed to find the one treadmill that was on- AND she stepped on it not realizing it was on and fell onto the treadmill giving herself a black eye.
I called her everyday after the incident to make sure she was fine (as she does not live near us) and she kept the conversations short, to the point, and tried to dismiss the whole incident by minimizing it. But it was hard because I wanted to be there for her, but she just felt awkward getting the attention I sensed. oh well.
But I have never argued with his parents. They are kind people who have very good intentions.
I’m in the same ‘lake’ as Latte Love, not necessarily the same ‘boat!’ 🙂 Our difference is that I do not want to move to FL and she doesn’t want to move back to the chilly midwest! My FMIL lives in FL and we live in Chicago – so we see each other maybe 3 times a year, at most. Most of their family is from Chicago – so when she is here she is busy going around the city/suburbs seeing everyone – we will get to hang out for a day or a few hours in a night. Although my fiance and I have been together over 10 years, I still do not know her that well. It is somewhat disappointing, but she is very independent and enjoys her privacy to the fullest – so I always try to respect that. But I’m somewhat of a TMI type of person (about myself and what I ask others…working on this filter!) so I try to not intrude on her space but still get to know her. If that makes sense. So yes, I get along with her but unfortunately do not know her that well and vice versa.
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