- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
I am struggling over what to do for Christmas gifts for my parents and FIL. Typically, I figure something out for my parents, he figures out something for his dad, and then we both agree on the other one. I have tried to spend about the same, which hasn’t always been the case since DH wants to give his dad more because my parents are in better financial shape.
Background: while all parents have caused their issues, they have all been emotionally supportive. My parents live near us, never made much money, but saved a lot and made really good financial decisions and are now quite comfortable. They are very generous with us, helped with my college tuition, invite us over for meals frequently, my dad has made some house repairs, etc.
FIL lives out of state. While he had a very high-paying job, he has always been very irresponsible with money. For example, he told DH to put his college tuition on his credit card and he would immediately pay it off, he never did and stuck DH with massive loans. Shortly after we got married, he asked to borrow money from us. We loaned him $1000 twice (out of DH’s “fun money”. Before paying us back, he got his car reposessed. He needed $5000 more. I didn’t want to, but FIL offered to sell us some property that DH has wanted since he was a child. We agreed to pay $10,000 for it- $2000 we had loaned, another $5000, and the rest when we received the deed. DH kept bugging him, and he always said his old business partner had it, and couldn’t get ahold of him. Finally, DH put his foot down, and FIL admitted he lost the property since he didn’t pay his taxes. He apologized, but has made no attempt to make things right. We found this out 3 months ago, and I am still very bitter.
What would you do in this situation? I don’t know what DH will want to do, but I expect it will be something I find overly generous. (Although I find giving him anything other than a lump of coal too generous.) Would you go along with what DH suggests? Would you give all parents about the same dollar amount? Also, how would this impact your relationship with your in-laws if they did this?