Do you give a gift even if you are flying in for someone's wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@indecisivebee:  Personally as a bride I would definitely not expect gifts from people who are paying in excess of $500 in flights to attend, I’d just be happy they had spent the money to make it. I don’t think I could rock up empty handed to a wedding but if the flights were costing me up to $2000 you can bet it would be a small present!

Post # 5
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I do sent a gift unless the couple has specifically declined. And if I’m close to the couple, I’ll still de d something, like a certificate for dinner anyway.  However, I may scale it back just a bit if I’m spending a great deal of money to travel. 

Post # 6
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t expect a gift, but I myself still give gifts when I fly to a friend’s wedding. For my wedding I had a few friends fly in and I know it cost them thousands for flights & hotels. I did not expect a gift from them and would have been 110% happy with just a card with well wishes. They did still give me a gift, but it was small and that is totally understandable. I would personally just feel awkward giving nothing.

 

Post # 8
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@indecisivebee:  From the perspective of a guest: I don’t think I could show up to a wedding empty handed unless it was a true destination  wedding like at an expensive resort in a fancy location. If it just happened that person was having a wedding where they lived but we lived far away I would search for an item on their registry that was inexpensive but still could stand on its own (like glasses or a $40 waffle maker or a bunch of small kicthen stuff for a basket). 

From the perspective of a bride whose family all lives far away: I am NOT expecting anything from my family due to travel costs. I have a cousin who is in the process of living with her inlaws while her husband completely redos their houseand they have a one year old! I am touched they can even come. I think (hope) most brides think this way and don’t think you would get any harsh feelings from the couple as long as you gave a card (I dont mean money just like a card with well wishes) 

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@indecisivebee:  I have given a gift to non-destination weddings I’ve traveled for.  They didn’t have their wedding there to inconvenience me, so unless I’m in dire financial straights, I give a gift.  If it was really in between travelling to their wedding and giving a gift, I would think of low cost alternatives, like compiling a meaningful recipe book, or acting as a day of coordinator for their wedding.

It’s different than a destination wedding, where the bride and groom have decided that having guests travel is their present.  Also, the bride would not have to worry about transporting gifts home.

Post # 10
Member
8917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yes, I always do, even when I was a poor grad student. A nice thing in the $50-75 range won’t really break the budget, and its a really nice and appreciated gesture. 

Post # 11
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m pretty sure that, yes, you should still bring a gift. Maybe something small, but still something. After all, if you’re spending $2,000 on flight and accommodations, isn’t a $50 gift just a drop in the bucket anyways?

Post # 12
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Etiquette will say that the two are not considered to be directly related.  Go if you can afford to go, don’t go if you can’t.  Gifts are quite customary, but from the heart and voluntary according to Miss Manners.  Emily Post takes the position that a wedding gift is obligatoty  if you attend a wedding.  

What I say:  As the couple getting married, there should not  be a sense of entitlement, but as the guest I  always give  a gift according to both  the relationship and my  financial means. 

Post # 13
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I ALWAYS at least bring a card. And I would probably buy a small gift even if I was spending a fortune to attend.

@laureneliz87:  +1 whats another 25 bucks for a wedding photo frame or something

Post # 14
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would never ever show up to a wedding empty-handed, be it a DW, a local wedding, or a non-DW wedding that I happen to not be in the same area so I have to travel to attend.

Regardless of the situation I’d want to cover my plate. I know that’s not really the metric most people seem to use, but it’s what I feel comfortable with. Just because I live on the East Coast and my cousin lives on the West Coast doesn’t mean I’m any less eager to help her start off her married life than someone closer!

If it’s really a DW and the travel costs are daunting to me, I would probably choose not to attend before I’d show up without a gift. The thousands of dollars for international travel are more of an issue for me than the $100-$150 gift anyhow!

Post # 15
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would give a gift because I would never show up at a wedding empty-handed. If money is an issue, there are plenty of inexpensive options for wedding gifts.

Post # 16
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

Don’t forget that the bride and groom are spending good money for you to be there.  It would be rude to have the money to attend but couldn’t spend $20 more on a gift that would mean a lot to them!

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