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i would give a gift (because thats how i was raised) but i most probably would spend less than the usual $200+ i usually gift for weddings
@eloping: I was going to say the same, but with a $30-$50 range.
I've never spent $200 on a wedding gift. Or you can just give them a nice card with a message inside. I'd have a hard time giving an expensive gift if I didn't feel like the person really put effort into the friendship, and them not even giving a card gives the impression they aren't putting forth effort.
i would still give a gift. i invited a friend to our wedding, who didn't rsvp, didnt come (which i didnt expect her to) and didnt even send a card. she told me a few days ago, that she is now engaged. the first thing i did was get her a congratulations card and mail it to her. just because someone else has dropped the etiquette ball, doesn't mean you have to follow suit.
Wow! Can we be friends, please? :)
In all seriousness, though, I think that you should be the bigger person. Bigger, mind you - not biggest. Bring a card and/or a small gift. You'll cover your butt, you won't feel vindictive, and you may even give them a little lesson in class.
I'm all about "not dropping the etiquette ball", but when I'm used to giving gifts in the $250-$300 range, its also about the "money ball" - lol - I might just give less than I typically would, but still give something.
They attended your wedding without giving a gift? If so, I would be absolutely offended by the severity of their pure tackiness.
I would either go and give a very inexpensive gift with a card or, more likely, I would not attend and just send a card and maybe a small gift.
I feel as you do, regarding not getting them something big, but I would give some sort of token of congratulations. There may have been a reason they were unable to give you a gift for your wedding.
I'm not sure what their reason would be - He works for the family business and just got a new Mercedes and she also has a job. Unfortunatley declining the wedding isn't an option as its one of my husband's good friends, which makes it all the bit more weird they didn't even get a card or anything.
I'm not sure what their reason would be
if hes anything like my husbands side of the family, before we married his mother took care of that stuff (greek family) and once we married i take care of it
or sadly like so many people these days they just didnt think - gift etiquette is a dying thing these days
Etiquette-wise you should give a gift. However, I'm all about treating people in a way similar so the way that they treat me! They had the opportunity to set the present-giving standard, and they failed. I would give a card, and maybe a teeny gift if you are feeling generous.
I dont think you need to bring a gift. Just a card. But their gift could have got lost in the mail. Guys dont really give gifts to eachother or think about gifts. If it is your husbands friend he probably just never thought about it.
WAIT they ATTENDED your wedding... and didnt give a card? or they couldnt make it to your wedding????
$250 is always what we give and even in this circumstance, I would still give it. I would be the bigger person.
Give a gift, you'll feel crummy if you don't. Especially because they technically have until August 2011 to give you a gift. Who knows - maybe after their wedding they'll send you a gift? Either way, just give them maybe $150 or something off their registry and call it a day.
It's the right thing to do.
I would go, give a card and at least enough to cover your plates, however I wouldn't go above that amount at all because they clearly didn't for you and your husband.
It is common etiquette says that you have up to a year after a wedding to give the couple a gift. So who knows - they haven't made a huge social blunder yet. Secondly, to each their own, but I wouldn't downright say it's rude or tacky to not give a gift, but whatever.
Who knows why they haven't yet, but they still could. Maybe with them planning their own wedding it slipped their mind. If you get them something moderate, maybe that will stir their memory of what they were fully intending on giving you.
Whether someone else gives you a gift or not is moot as they are always optional and they are not being rude. Per proper etiquette, if someone is giving a gift, they have up to a year to send it. It's not a competition, even though many people believe otherwise. If someone is that hung up on punishing someone else because they didn't give a gift for whatever reason (maybe they honestly couldn't afford it, you don't know their financial situation unless you are paying their bills), then simply don't attend and forget the gift altogether. The least anyone can give is a card.
Despite their rudeness, I'd be the bigger person and get them a gift. But I wouldn't spend what I normally spend on a wedding gift.
Wow. I feel like a cheapskate...I'm a full time graduate student and at my friend's wedding a while back I gave her a card with a 30 dollar Target gift card, and even that hurt me financially for that week. Maybe they couldn't afford it, but if the hubby just bought a mercedes, I would doubt it.
@mhartnett337 - they attended our wedding..
@Soon2beeMrsM - Not sure about the whole "at least enough to cover your plate" - if people gave gifts like that I would have gotten $450 from this couple for my wedding..lol
Yup, I know they have up to a year for my wedding so until Aug '11, so technically I have a year for theirs too - I'm leaning towards just getting them something nice off of their registry. Nothing crazy.
ooo maybe there card got lost? the whole up to a year thing... do people really do that?? Unless they traveled a distance to attend your wedding i cant imagine sending a gift a few months after id give them 100 bucks in a card or gift thats it usually you give what you recieved from them ive heard but in that case 100 is generous
I would just give a gift. Be the person you wanted them to be, then you won't have any regrets about your actions.
I totally agree with the small gift and a card. I am also wondering if maybe their card got misplaced or lost?? I am having a hard time coming to terms that someone(anyone) would attend a wedding and not bring something! Etiquette says it should be enough to at least cover your plates (if financially possible) but common sense says bring anything when going to a wedding. You said you had 6 or 7 couples do that and I am just wondering if something got lost or they ordered something from your registery that is on back order.
This happened to us, too. We still gave a gift, and then they sent us a gift after their honeymoon, haha. Guess they realized the gap and tried to make up for it!
I'm also in the smaller gift and a card, nothing over $75. I was quite surprised at the number of people who attended the wedding and didn't even think to get us a card. It made us rethink our gift giving a bit, but in a situation like your I would definitely still give a gift just not the normal size.
I'd give them a cheap gift ($30 approx) to make a point.
The same thing happened at our wedding - we were shocked that some people didn't give us anything. Obviously they are still friends but it does hurt to think they couldn't be bothered.
Pretty much, if they didn't give a gift (or a card for that matter), the most they would get from me is a card.
I've NEVER spent $200 on a wedding gift, but I noticed that the people that tend to spend that amount of money are from the northeast, so I guess it's more common there.
To each their own though.
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I got married in August - there were about 6 or 7 couples that didn't give us gifts. We have a wedding in a few months for a couple that didn't give us a gift. Should we give them one? Typically I would give a gift, but for some reason I don't feel like I should give anything huge to a couple that didn't even give us a card.