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For me, it depends. If I am close to one or both of them, I will send a gift. If it is someone I am not close with and haven't heard of for years, then I don't send a gift.
i usually send a gift as an acknowledgement of the invite and as a congratulations for the couple even if I can't make it to the wedding. What the gift is/how much I spend depends on how well I know or how close I am to the couple.
I'm with noritake22. If I know them and just can't make it I will send something. If they are a distant relative or I lost touch them probably not.
If I am unable to attend, I just send a card with best wishes. Everyone else I know is the same way.
I'm with denverbirdlet - I was raised that you are always supposed to get the couple a gift, whether you can attend or not. Now if it is someone I'm not very close to, that gift will likely be a $15-$20 gift card to one of the stores they registered at that I stick in a card. But if it's someone I'm close to, I'll send them a nice gift off the registry.
I've been thinking about this recently. FI was going to go to a wedding of a friend (we couldn't afford two plane tickets or else I would have gone too) but then waited too long for other people to figure out their schedules. The prices have increased by over $100 and not it doesn't make sense to go. We wish we really could be there so I am thinking of sending them a gift.
I think if it's a situation where you normally would love to attend the wedding, but you can't make it for some reason, then yeah, you definitely should give a gift. But if you're not going to attend because you aren't close with whoever invited you, and maybe the invite was also more of a polite acknowledgement of your relationship but not so much with the expectation that you would come, then I don't think a gift should be sent.
I send a gift if I'm not attending the shower. If I go to the wedding and the shower, I bring a gift to both, but if I only go to the shower, I only bring a shower gift.
For some people that I am not so close to or wouldn't know many at the wedding, I would rather spend $100 on a gift for them then to spend $100 to travel plus come up with a gift.
Thanks for your perspectives, everyone! I feel kind of uncomfortable not sending a gift in most cases, but there are a couple of weddings I'm invited to where I hardly know the person. I will probably send a card with a modest gift card to one of their registry stores.
I don't think you have to send a gift if you hardly know the people, I think a card is plenty.
If you barely know the couple, it seems quite strange that you would be invited in the first place. Most people view weddings as intimate and only choose to share them with people they know and love who support their relationship. In a situation like that, don't feel obligated to send anything or even attend, just because they are sending you an invite out of obligation themselves.
If I can't go to the wedding, I send a gift. If I'm not close to the couple getting married, then I'll get a small gift.
I'm a little shocked that people don't send a gift if they can't come to the wedding.
Many times people are invited to business associates kids wedding or such. I don't think it's necessary to send a gift to something like that necessarily. But, if it's a good friend I'll send a gift even if they are having no wedding or a family only wedding.
If I bought a gift off the registry for the shower, then I won't buy another gift for a wedding that I don't go to. If I was invited to the wedding and can't attend and they didn't have a shower, I try to send something small.
I think it depends. If they knew you couldn't attend, I do not think you are obligated.
I too always send a wedding gift regardless of whether I can attend the wedding and regardless of whether I attended the shower. The size of the gift for the wedding if I can't attend depends on how well I know the couple (or one of them). I think it is nice to show that you support them even if you cannot attend.
Call me a sucker, but I always send a gift to events even when I can not attend. You name it........weddings, graduations, baptisms, bris, birthday, showers etc. However, most of the guests for my wedding and shower were out of town and unable to attend. They for the most part did not reciprocate the gesture, so I am re-evaluating my policy :)
I think that the proper etiquette is to send a wedding gift if you can't attend. For my bridal shower two of my aunts and my mom's friend couldn't attend so they gave me gifts anyways. I got 3 or 4 gifts from people who didn't attend and a wedding gift from my FI's great-aunt. So I would say YES. I thought it was a great gesture and I sent most of them all thank you notes. I think I have one more to write and some more invitations to send... but anyhow.
I would assume you are close, otherwise why get an invite. If not, then I'd just send a card; if so, then I'd send a gift. If they have registries, try to find options that won't hurt your financial position, or send a nice gift card to a store they'd like - if money is really tight.
Unfortunately, I can't say the same for our guests - a few did but many didn't and I'm surprised because we've known each other for a long time and I'd certainly would send them a gift (plus, many were hassles in getting their rsvp info - very rude).
I always give a gift if I was unable to attend the event whether that be a wedding, bridal shower, birthday etc. Usually if you receive an invite then you are close with the bride and groom and should send something. For my bridal shower I received a gift from almost everyone who was unable to attend so I assume it would be the same for a wedding.
I have always sent a gift. No matter what. But, I'm interested to see if others do the same, in our circle.
I determine if I do or not upon the relationship. If I'm close to them then yes. If they're just acquaintences, then no.
I always buy a gift. I'll send them a card & a check for 50 bucks. That way they saved all that money on my food & got a gift on top of it!
I always buy a gift off the registry when I cannot attend a wedding.
i might not give AS MUCH as if my FI and I both went to the wedding.. but I would def send something. I send something if I can not make it to a shower too.
Depends on how close I am to the person. Also, how I'm doing financially - I do humanitarian work and am completely supported by the gifts of others, so ... I don't have a lot of financial stability at times.
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I'm curious about this - I have a number of friends getting married this summer, and I can't make it to all of them. I've always sent a gift when I can't be there, but I'm wondering what everyone else typically does, and if it would be considered poor form if I did not send a gift.