Post # 1
I thought for sure I was the only bride who had chosen a BM too hastily, had grown to dislike her in the months leading up to the big day, and secretly wished she would suddenly decide not to be in the wedding.
Some other posts have made me realize that I’m NOT the only girl who’s gotten into this mess… but I’m curious how many others feel this way?
I would never “fire” her or ask her to step down, but asking her to be a BM was by far the worst wedding-related decision I’ve made.
But I just keep telling myself… it meant a lot to the BM in question that I asked her, and she was truly honored… and even if in 10 years I look back at photos of my bridal party and say, “what’s her name again?” then it was worth it… I hope!
Post # 3
Oh man, I hastily made a BM choice! I shouldn’t have, it was sort of nostalgia -we were close in high school- but what ended up happening is she (an already pretty volitile person, so I should have known) BLEW up at me over something completely ridiculous – the MN senate recount. It was incredibly odd bc I voted third party, so I didnt particularly care about the results at that point. But she freaked out at me for disagreeing with her and told me to never ever contact her again. I mostly just felt stuipd, like I should have known we’d have difficulties being close anymore.
Otherwise the BM situation has been perfectly smooth sailing!
Post # 4
I think its really nice of you to not be threatening to throw her out of the bridal party and to keep her as a BM. If it really meant alot to her then she will hopefully remember that. I wish I wouldve asked someone else to be my MOH, not because my MOH was bad but because I had become closer friends with someone else. I hope something happens where you dont regret your decision anymore! Good luck!
Post # 5
Great question! I only have 4 bridesmaids, I figured it would be less drama. But my BFF is also getting married 3 months before me and I think she regrets one of our friends being in her wedding…she’s one of those types to think the day is about her!
Post # 6
minneapolitan: What!? Really?! C’mon, who does that!? I live in St.Paul and while the senate drama was…annoying it’s nothing to get THAT heated over. Wow.
Post # 7
FI and I just had this discussion lat night (me through tears). If I had to do it all over again I’d just have my sister stand up as MOH and not have asked the other 4 girls. Well, one I still would have had to ask bc she would have been really hurt, but I’d jsut have those 2 and that is IT!
Post # 8
I actually started off with 4 BMs (including my MOH) and now I’m down to 3. Reason being, I asked a girl I wasn’t too close with. She startd seriously flaking out on a lot of BM activities, like picking out her dress. I simply talked to her, and asked if she still wanted to be in the wedding, and I understood that being in the wedding (b/c we’re getting married in Jamaica) was a big responsibility, and if she still wanted to be in it. She was honest and said she wasn’t sure if she would be able to make it (!). So we agreed that she would still get an invite, but she wouldn’t have the pressure of being in the wedding. I feel so much better now! 🙂
Post # 9
So far, so good. I am EXTREMELY happy with all my choices. Each girl standing up for me is a very important part of my life BUT (and I know this is TOTALLY shallow and I feel like an A-hole saying it) one of my BM’s (she’s almost like a sister to me) is obese and it’s making the choice for BM dresses difficult. I’d like everyone to wear the same type of dress but we’re getting married outside in June and I’d really like to have my girls wear spaghetti strap or strapless dresses. It’s hard finding something that would look good on her as well as everyone else.
I SWEAR I’m really NOT a mean person or anything. In fact, I’m overweight myself but have been working my butt off to get in shape. I love her with all my heart and soul and absolutely want her standing by my side on my wedding day, it’s just hard finding dresses. That’s all. I feel bad even typing about this but I haven’t been able to tell anyone else how hard it is. Peace & Love!!
P.S. I hope everyone else’s BM’s work out!!
Post # 10
I keep going back & forth on my MOH. She is excited to help w/ DIY projects, throw & arrange killer showers and parties… but on the day I know she’s going to be zero help.
She is very consumed with herself and her looks! If there is a camera involved: she MUST be infront of it. She takes self portrait of herself everywhere… in the car, on the phone, watching tv…. *sigh*
I made mention to something about making a flickr page for our guests to upload some of their photos & while explaining it she said: “I won’t take a single photo of what’s going on because I’m going to be in every one of them.”
Post # 11
The only BMs I regret picking are the ones that dropped out, and I guess that’s mostly due to the fact they dropped out. I’ll still remain friends with one of them — my future sister and law — but I’m not so sure about the other.
Not only did the second girl drop out, she did it four months before the wedding after ordering her BM dress. She didn’t have a good reason, and just seemed to be trying to weasle her way out of it since about a month after she excitedly accepted. Well guess who got stuck paying the balance for the dress she’ll never wear? She knows it too, and doesn’t care one bit.
I’m trying very hard to forgive that BM, but I just don’t think our friendship will make it past this.
Post # 12
I have 8 BM’s including one that I am including for the sake of amicable girl’s weekends for the years to come. I wasn’t going to leave one girl in our small friend group out…
However, she has been horrible at 2 of the other girls’ weddings, as a bm. She has tried to make the Bachlorette party all about her, caused problems rather than help on the wedding day, etc.
She is a good friend and her antics have almost become funny. It’s entertainment and I am not asking for my BM’s to help out in any way, other than the Bachlorette party and just standing with me in their matching dresses on the big day. Other than that, they have the BM title because they are my best friends.
Post # 13
OH BOY DID I EVER! I chose 2 girls that JI’m so close with and a girl that I went to HS with. I was still close to her but not that close. Well about 2 months prioir to the wedding (right after I sent her her BM dress that I paid for) she stopped talking to me, answering emails, phone calls, texts, EVERYTHING! To this day I have no idea what happened… she just stopped… no explaination, no responses… nada. OH well, my day was still perfect with my girls!
Post # 14
I have four fantastic BM’s but I’ve been a bad one myself. Well, I’m not sure if you can call me bad because I backed out of the wedding before I was bad.
The problem was that the bride and I were great friends through college and I ended up learning too much about their relationship. When they got engaged I was happy for them but I also felt the guilt that I would be supporting a wedding where the bride had lied (a lot).
As my emotions took over, I started shying away from the wedding things (still a year out from their wedding). When I tried to talk about my wedding day (we were not engaged at the time, but I saw the ring coming), she would always throw up the fact that I was not engaged yet and it was all about her. Finally, after she spent a weekend in town (she now lives 15 hours away) and didn’t call me until late on Sunday afternoon, I realized our friendship had reached its end. I quickly wrote her a polite and heartfelt email explaining my reasoning for not participating and regrettfully stepping down from my position. She had almost 11 months to go and 6 other brides maids so I do not feel bad about it one bit.
I think sometimes BMs should actually think about what they’re getting into and let the bride know if they feel like its too much or they’re reaching the end.
Post # 15
i chose my sister and my sister in law. my sister lives far away and has been on vacation on the other side of the world for two months… but as long as she comes to my shower and my wedding we will all be happy! i’m not going to stop her life for my wedding. besides, my sil’s motto is that she will do whatever i want for the wedding! she’s awesome!
Post # 16
There is NO way this can happen b/c my ‘maids will be my very closest friends in the world. All 3 of them! I love all of them dearly and we’d all go to the ends of the earth for each other. Just like Mrs. Pengy did with her friends and them with her!