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A response to another post got me thinking...Mr. F and I really don't have friends. Of course we both have 'acquaintances' that you might consider friends, but we talk to them at most once a month. It is pretty much just us two. We never really go out with anyone other than each other, but we do a lot together.
We have tried going out with other couples before, but it never lasts because we generally just like it to be the two of us. When we get married, we more than likely won't have a bridal party for this very reason.
How 'friendly' are you and your SO?
ETA: Added a poll :)
We have two close couple friends. individually, though, I don't really make friends.
We're not really social butterflies, but we've got friends whom we love, and we're careful who we allow into our inner circle, if you will. It takes us a while to really call someone our friend. We're theater people, so we've got that crew, then there are the college friends, the other veteran friends, and the family friends. All told, there's probably a solid 20-30 people that we hang out with on a regular basis.
For us, it's really important that we have friends. I've been friends with some of my best girls since high school, and there was no reason for marriage to change that. Same with DH and his best pals.
Unfortunately for DH, all his oldest friends live "across the pond" from Canada, so they keep in touch online. But he has made new friends (besides my friends) since moving here and I'm really glad about that.
Our friends and we are all pretty busy people, so we try our best to make time to all hang out in a big group together once a week.
Can't say that I do. By choice really, but I'm not a loner or anti-social. I just seem to attract those who want to butt into my life and want to ruin it. J and I hate drama and never cared for it. So, lately we've been keeping to ourselves. I wish I could find some girls that I actually liked and could hang out with once in awhile. Unfortunately, it's so rare to.
We will both tell you that we are the others best friend...
We do things occassionally without the other ie I have a womens conference tonight & the Mens Conference is in a few weeks...
Otherwise we're usually together & I know I prefer him to be around... b/c when he's not I'm usually like Man Justin woulda thought that was so funny or something..
We're even having our bachelor/ette party together... But we do still have the Bridal Party
@helenberrycrunch: We are a lot alike in that aspect. I don't really make friends well. When I moved to the city I love in now I made a big effort to make friends, it lasted about a year, and then I realized having girlfriends really didn't do much for me. I found it an inconvenience to try and schedule time to hang out with them, which is definitely not how you should feel about friends.
I have actually found a few bees on here that I get a long with really well, and could see myself being great friends in real life. But unfortunately none of them live close by. When I tried making friends before I found the girls I spent time with to be very superficial, and I am a very simple and frugal kind of girl.
Like a PP put it we consider one another to be our best friends as well! We were never that couple that "excluded our friends since we were dating." If anything, we were all together when we met, but it just seems that as we got older, our lives all have changed.
Most friends moved for COLLEGE/WORK/FAMILY, and now are making families and homes for themselves. I no longer live where I grew up, well I grew up everywhere. So I in another aspect, am used to being the "new kid" since we moved so much while growing up.
Sometimes I wish I had more friends, but I know I still have time to make some great friends as I continue the journey of life! =)
@runnerbeez: I feel the exact same way. :(
I have one really good friend, but I moved to J's area and so now we're 1-1/2 hours apart. I'm working, she's working, and she has a 1-1/2 year old. So, it's hard to find time to even text. It sucks. I miss having good friends. Most of them were guys, but once you get engaged, they seem to disappear unless they have absolutely no feelings for you.
@runnerbeez: and
To be honest, I typically prefer the company of men for this reason.
We do have friends, mostly mutual. I would say we hang out with about 12 people on a regular basis, or what we consider a regular basis. We have extended friends that we see not that often. We used to have a large group of friends we say all the time, but a lot have settled down and moved away...
@CupCakeMeg: Getting to consider each other your best friends is really great. That is how Mr. F and I feel :) It is a such a great feeling knowing he'd genuinly rather spend time with me than anyone else.
Where most people use 'friend time' as a break from each other, we replace that with personal time. Mr. F goes to his shop and tinkers on his bike or his cars, and I go to the library or work on decorating our house. We both really value our alone time.
I have 3 really close girlfriends and a few not-so-close friends but that's about it. FI on the other hand has about 12 best friends, and at least 30 more regular friends.
We have one friend couple, but I really don't like the girlfriend. We need more couple friends!
@MissHelen: I know exactly what you mean. I miss my guy friends, but the majority of them liked me apparently. I have no idea. They all disappeared as soon as a ring was put on my finger. Plus J was a little insecure with the thought of my having a lot of guy friends.
@runnerbeez: I love hanging out with others and being social, but I am also an introvert, and so is my husband. That makes us bad at making new friends! We are shy around new people and I am not great at keeping a conversation going - sometimes I feel like I am grasping at straws just to have SOMETHING to talk about. Once people get to know me though, I really open up!
We have a few couples we hang out with, and I have some nurse friends I still see from time to time. It's particularly hard to maintain social contacts with shift work though - everyone has different schedules, and I often feel lonely on my days off when my husband is at work during the week. I keep myself busy with fitness, the BEE, music, cooking, reading, and meeting up with nursing friends when our schedules coincide. Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel though - I wish we had more friends together as a couple!
I am going to a bee meet-up tonight :) Perhaps you could start a bee meet-up in your city? You might meet some other bees who you get along with. I really like the bees I have met at the Vancouver meet-ups before :)
Oh, I would also like to add that it is hard to make friends when you move to a new city that you didn't go to school in - I found that when I moved to Vancouver. We met some people through my husband's work, and I ended up going back to school for nursing, where I met people. It can be tricky to meet people when you are moving lots!
@Gingersnap: We need more couple friends too. We joked about starting an on-line "double-dating" website for couples to meet other couples. However, we think people will think it's a swingers site. LOL
I hate to admit that we have one friend couple that we occasionally go out with just for pure entertainment. This couple in particular are absolutely wrong for each other, but are essentially too lazy to breakup or find anyone else. They show no affection, have pretty much become roomates, and fight on a regular basis. Out of the hand full of times we have gone out with them they have fought every single time, and one person usually ends up leaving. It probably sounds terrible, but it is really entertaining, and kind of reminds us why we are so lucky to have each other.
@mwitter80: Well, I'd join if it wasn't used for swinging. :P
@Valhalla: Oh, have fun tonight!!! I am jealous :) I understand feeling lonely on your days off. I work the hospital schedule so even though I work long hours, I get several days off a week. I think I have really late the Bee take the place of friendships.
@mwitter80: That's such a great idea! Just put a no-swingers disclaimer on it. haha
I used to but then I realised the difference between true friends and people who are just around you. I guess it really showed when I left highschool, my real friends and I keep in touch and meet up whenever possible (: I have two best friends (not including FI) and probably 5 really good friends. We like to go out on double dates but a lot of our friends are single or don't date long enough for double dates to be planned haha.
@runnerbeez: Perhaps I will give this more thought. I would need to figure out how to match them up and what things would be important in a profile.
We have some couple friends, but we also have individual friends that we see separately and I like it that way! If i averaged it out, i would say that in a weekend we usually have 1 night where its us hanging out at home or we go out to dinner or for drinks or a movie, and 1 night when we go out with friends (or stay in with friends). Back when we first got together we were going out drinking 4-5 nights a week (ooooh, the student life) with a big group of friends...I think its been a difficult transition for both of us that our social life has slowed down considerably. For me its been hard to distance myself from my single girlfriends, and for him its been hard to give up the nightlife. We're both happier than ever and are settling in well to our calmer, more adult lives, but it was a struggle at first.
@runnerbeez: Haha we know a couple like that too, and sometimes go out for them just for entertainment! I agree, it really shows us how lucky we are haha
@mwitter80: The biggest issue for us has always been finding couples who are like as at our age. I am 23, and Mr. F is 27, and we have never been much into drinking or the party scene, so it makes it hard considering a lot of peole around my age have those things as high priorities.
One of J's friends is in a "long distance relationship". What's his definition of a LDR? Living two miles away from each other. I couldn't help but laugh my ass off when I was told this. J and I were in a real LDR at the time. Absolutely priceless.
Oh, and his friend's definition of spending time with his girlfriend is him sitting on the computer playing this stupid game while she sits on the couch and watches tv. J says he feels so bad for her if he stops by and she's just sitting there twiddling her thumbs.
For the most part we hang out with our friends separately. My three bridesmaids and I have been bff's since elementary school. We're all busy but we make it a point to get together atleast once a month for lunch. FI has 2 close friends who he hangs out with on occasion (both have young kids) but I think he would consider his brother his best friend.
We have one couple that we hang out with the most. I set one of my best friends up with one of FI's best friends and they ended up getting married. They just had a baby so we don't see them as often as we'd like but we try to get together for dinner once a month.
Having friendships outside the marriage is really important, imo. I love FI and all but sometimes I just need some social interaction from someone who isn't him. I wouldn't trade my girls for anything. They're incredible people.
@runnerbeez: I'll be 23 in May and J is 27. I know exactly what you mean. I got over the whole drinking scene quick after turning 21. I enjoyed it while it lasted, but that's what all my friends absolutely enjoyed and wanted to do constantly. J has been over it for a few years now and never really cared for it to begin with. His friends are still pretty immature even though they're all close to the age of 30. We definitely need to find couple friends or people that we can relate to.
@DesireeAnne: Glad someone understands. I think our explanation is mostly that we come from a moderately small town, both started working right out of high school, and our going to college now. We just have very different priorities than a lot of people.
@sugarpea: It really is hysterical! They can be so obnoxious. You couldn't pay for better entertainmant with those two. She spends the night belittling his man-hood, and he spends the night calling her a slob. They really couldn't be any worse for each other.
@runnerbeez: I understand completely. My priorities are way different than most our age. It's why I find it kind of annoying when people talk about those our age, but that's a different rant/vent. Haha. I have always been called an "old soul" though. People have noticed throughout my growing up, I can interact, relate, and talk better with adults than I can with those around my age. It's way I prefer it as well.
DH is not social. At all. He has a social job where he talks to people 12 hours a day, so when he isn't at work, he is a real home-body. I am the opposite. I am super social, so he basically lets me do whatever I want with friends and doesn't mind. He understands my need to be social.
Some of my friends have kids though, and they basically disappear when they have them... so that makes it hard. I like having married friends now that I am married, but when the kids come, it seems to be difficult to keep the friendships.
@DesireeAnne: We are too much alike! lol Too bad you don't live in Florida :( I have worked with older women for about five years now, and have always found it very easy to be social with them. Everytime I try and spend time with girls my age I end up feeling like I want to smack them, and tell them to grow up! lol
@runnerbeez: I think that happens at all different ages. I'm 30 and DH is 29.Eevery time we end up in a bar we just end up yawning by 11pm and feeling old.
We had fantastic couple friends that just moved to Kentucky. We used to get together like every other week for dinner. We would switch back and forth and would cook dinner for eachother. One night we actually created like a pizza bar and all made different pizzas. We had a bottle of wine or a seasonal beer. And just sat around laughing and talking. We miss them :(
@mwitter80: A pizza bar does sounds like fun.
I think I found a website along the lines of what you were thinking...
We used to have a small circle of friends in our hometown and we'd all spend time together in a group. Of course we had old high school friends we knew separately (who occasionally hung out with all of us) but now that we're living 2000 miles away, FI is pretty much the only one with friends. I seriously have one friend because I'm not particularly fond of my co-workers. FI has met some great people through his job and has become close friends with several co-workers because they all had to travel together constantly and pretty much "bonded" during that time. I just have my dog and the ex-girlfriend of one of his friends, and she's like five years younger than me. Oh well.
For the most part, it's just us! And we're both fine with it. While we have friends, and I have a best friend that unfortunately lives in Chicago (about 5 hours away), we generally would rather just stay at home and relax.
@Meealissa: With the exception of Mr. F, my dog is my best friend :) Hence why she is my avatar! haha
FI and I have lots of friends, but we mainly spend our time together with just the two of us. I have a few girlfriends that I spend time with, and he has his buds he golfs with. When we have parties, everyone is invited, but as for like double dates and stuff like that, we don't really do. We have one set of friends that we go for dinner with like once a week, and that's about it!
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