Do you have friends that are unable to do things without their SO?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I have friends like this, and it is my pet peeve when people find it impossible to do anything apart. Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do except mention that you want a “girls night” out to get drinks or something. Every relationship is different I suppose. 

Post # 3
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

My best friend is my husband, so we’re always together.  I have close female friends, but I’m not as close to them as I am my husband.  Maybe your friend is just closer with her FI than you?

Post # 4
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Many years ago, when I was 18, I had a friend who used to do this.  It was so annoying.  Especially as we were the exact same age – born on the same day – and her BF was the same age as my father!  (42)

At that age, you really don’t want someone as old as your father tagging along on your girl’s nights out…

They ended up getting married, and sadly our relationship faded out no longer afterwards.  I’m 45 now, and I often wonder how she’s getting on with her 69 year old husband!

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Baal.
Post # 5
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We have a mutual friend who is completely under the thumb with his girlfriend. It’s quite sad in a way. He couldn’t join us for an evening out at the pub last week because they were ‘behind schedule with decorating’. 

Post # 6
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

I get the whole my husband is my best friend thing but I know my girlfriends aren’t going to feel comfortable discussing certain topics with him around. so I always try to leave some time to go out with my friends without him and he does the same.

Post # 7
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

Deejayelle:  Is it that they can’t do things without each other or that they do not like to do things without each other? Because there is an obvious difference. I obviously can do things without my FI, because he is gone 6 months out of the year, but I do not like to do some things without him. Even things like what you mentioned above. Now, in the case of a “girlfirends” lunch I would obviously go without him, but there are things that my family does together and with my parents there and my brother and SIL and I feel like people are looking at me like the lonely single mother. I doubt very seriously people really pay that much attention to me, but I feel that way. You know, like being in a room full of people and still feeling alone?

Post # 8
Member
4825 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would ask her to do a “girls’ night” sometime to give her a hint. Like drink wine and watch a chick flick or get your nails done or something typically female. 

Post # 9
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Deejayelle:  Just to give you another perspective, I am this friend of yours.  Before I met my fiance, it would be nothing for me to go visit my friends hours (most of them 1-1.5+ hrs away from my home).  I might come have lunch with you on my day off or I might even hang out with you on a Saturday while you’re running errands with your kids.  Between getting a dog, and also having a serious love interest. I started to realize (at least in my case) it wasn’t always commensurate the effort that my friends (most with husband and/or kids were putting in.) So for the most part I stopped traveling so much because I’d rather spend time with my FI or as some people like to say my priorities changed.  I do have a few friends that I meet at least quarterly now.  But still its easily an 1-1.5 trip and for me its more convienient to bring my FI with me since it’s more driving than I have tolerance for now. One of my friends and I meet at a halfway point, ex. mega mall, sometimes she travels alone and leaves her husband watching the baby, but most of the time I drop off my FI at best buy while she and I have lunch and I’ll pick him up later.  If he had something else to do then ofcourse we wouldn’t travel together but most of the time weekends and time off work are OUR family time together.  Just as a side note: As I am the last to get married/have kids most of the us don’t do “girls night” since we have other priorities (kids, husbands) to take care of.

My suggestion to you, if my situation is at all similiar to your friend, would be to come visit her at her house and then go out somewhere local together without him.  Additionally, try to be patient with her some of us are just home bodies once we find the one and the thought of being alone when we don’t have to be can cause some anxiety. Just as your life has changed so will hers and it make take some trial and error to find a new normal that works for both of you.     

EDIT: P.S.  At 30 something having my own place and responsbilities, I’m well past going out and passing/crashing out on someone’s couch.  Call it getting old, but I’d rather be at home in my bed with my FI and my dog than sleeping in my girlfriend’s guest room or couch.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  gemchick82.
Post # 10
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

I love my DH more than anyone or anything I’ve ever had in my life, but we have separate aspects of our lives. I think that’s healthy. Any time I run into a couple that literally cannot be apart for one second, my brain screams “Co-dependent!!” Luckily, most of my friends feel the same way. It can be really sad – I used to have a friend who got engaged and thenceforth was virtually ONLY available to hang out with her S.O., or on those rare occasions when he wasn’t around, she spent her entire time texting him/calling him/talking about him and what they’d be doing right now if they weren’t apart. The final straw came when she started bringing him to things where only she was invited: example, once we had a “Girl’s Brunch” where a bunch of us ladies got together to drink mimosas and bond. It was identified as Girls’ Brunch, talked about in Facebook messages as Girls’ Brunch, and we were all going to get pedis afterwards. She brought her S.O., then left early because we “Weren’t making him feel welcome.” In 18 months, she lost all of her female friends, including her would-have-been-bridesmaids. Now … him and his handful of friends are pretty much the only people in her life. She’s incredibly isolated, and he’s not always nice to her.

 

So yeah. If you can only do things with your S.O., that’s not a great dynamic – not for you, and not for the people around you. I understand your frustration, OP.

Post # 11
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

I can relate to your friend. I go alone and do things with my girlfriends without DH quite often. However, I typically do those things when DH has his own things going on (work, helping a buddy with something, haircut, etc.). And, he usually coordinates his friend time the same way (when I am working, getting hair/nails done, running errands). Not because we demand it to be that way, but because we would rarely see eachother otherwise. Those are also really the only times that we schedule specific girl-time or guy-time. However, if one if us happens to be invited somewhere and the other person also has the time off… We typically attend together. We are a package deal.

DH is truly like a best friend and having him with me makes anything that much more enjoyable. I don’t necessarily think your friends FI tagging along for the occasional brunch or dinner is that out of line or overboard. Your friend’s priorities have changed now, and what is ideal for your relationship may not be ideal for hers. You say he is a wonderful man. So, as a friend, you may just want to adapt and be supportive. If it is a relatively new relationship, I’m sure she will become more actively independent once the honeymoon phase wears off.

Post # 12
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I understand where people are coming from when they say that their SO is their best friend. Mine is, and I do feel more relaxed with him. That being said, I have always asked if it was okay for him to come hang with me and my friends, (if he is not originally included in the plans).

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  tiredgrey.
Post # 13
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have a friend who no longer understands the concept of girls nights, and yes, she is not coming to my bachelorette because her dude is not invited (still giggling over this one, she was for truly offended When I said no way!!!). When she brought up the fact that my limo for the wedding was too small because it can only fit the bridesmaids and she must have her boyfriend glued to her in my god damn limo too, I gave her an out and she took it. Thank God she did!!!!!!! 

 

Post # 14
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Deejayelle:  My FI is my best friend too and spending time with him is absolutely my favourite thing to do, but I also don’t think we need to be attached at the hip 24/7.

We spend the majority of our time together and will often have big group catch ups with friends and all partners are there, but when I meet up with my closest gf’s it’s usually just ‘girl time’. It’s not a case of our partners not being allowed to come.. they just don’t feel the need. My FI and I both appreciate that it’s good to have some girl/guy only time on ocassion.

While my relationship with my FI is the most important thing in the world to me, my friendships are important too.

Post # 15
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

MrsPiggles:  Woah that is extreme! I don’t think I could ever be so dependant on someone that I couldn’t even take a car ride or go to a bachelorette party without them..

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors