Post # 1
I was just curious about how everyone handles the idea of guy friends. My fiance are very trusting in each other and have never had any jealousy issues. I have existing guy friends whom I have been friends with over a decade. We keep in touch overy once in a blue moon. Well, I just went back to college this semester and I have a new guy friend at school. We just chat after class while walking to parking lot, and thats about it. I cant help feeling guilty though! I have no attraction to him at all, would never exchange numbers or anything, but when I think about possibly having lunch at school with him between classes while studying together, i feel akward. He knows I am engaged and knows i have kids and such. I could even see him being buddies with my fiance. We just moved to this state 2 years ago and still dont have any friends other than work.
I only feel this way because of a past relationship. He was super controlling and emotionally abusive and never allowed guy friends. he said “any friend who is a guy, wants to get in your pants” i had to hide friends numbers etc… so now it is almost hardwired in my brain that i cant have guy friends.
My fiance wouldnt even care, he knows that I chat with dudes at school…i just feel guilty anyways. I always get along with the guys though. all my life i have. I even have 3 sons cause the Universe/God even knows having girls would be a bad idea lol.
Whats everyone else think? What is your relationship in regards to male friendships?
Post # 3
At my university, the ratio of guys and girls is super skewed (thats what you get when you go to an engineering college…), and literally ALL of my friends, with the exception of 2, maybe 3 girls, are guys. I met FI here, and right now we are living with another 3 roommates, all guys. So its me and 4 boys, and we all hang out with each other.
So it may be different just because I don’t really have the option to have girl friends (lol), but its perfectly fine to have opposite sex friends. It shouldn’t matter if your friend has a penis or not, what matters is that they provide good company, fun, and are supportive. 🙂
Maybe it would help if you told your FI about your friend and talked about him openly, it might make you feel better, like you don’t have to hide your friends anymore and then its not a “bad” thing. And when your FI doesn’t react negatively, it just reinforces that. 🙂
Post # 4
I don’t see a problem with friends of the opposite sex as long as boundaries are clearly set in the relationship.
Post # 5
My best friend is male, he was in our wedding party.
Husband has never had a problem with this.
However, now best friend and husband are pretty close. Husband picked me up from work the other day and bestfriend also got out of the truck looks at me “you want the back or the middle seat?” ummmm what???
I love it.
Post # 6
@CloverQueen: Most of my guy friends are gay, so that’s pretty much a non-issue. SO’s female friends are all wives of his male friends, so also a non-issue.
I have one straight male friend who is single. We actually met like 8 years ago on a dating site, but never went on a first date. We talked on the phone & realized we were good as friends but there were too many differences to date. Anyway, he went to boot camp shortly after we met & we became penpals. We’ve stayed close and get together whenever he’s on leave.
I felt weird about it the first time he wanted to hang out after I’d met SO but it’s fine. We might meet up for lunch or something like we’ve always done and have an ongoing email conversation- with one of us sending an email at least once a week. SO knows about him but hasn’t had a chance to meet him yet. He seems fine with it. The friend is totally supportive of my relationship, too, so that’s helpful. If he were undermining it or being snarky about me being in a relationship, we’d have a serious problem.
Post # 7
I have a few, mostly from school and work. FI has no problem with it at all, and I have no problem with him having female friends. We are very secure in our relationship, I trust him 100%.
Post # 8
@ladybrick: Ha sounds like my college days! I lived with 5 guys and 1 girl and had 2 friends that were girls (the rest were guys). I was also in engineering so that’s the way it works when there aren’t many girls in your classes (or in some classes no other girls at all!).
@CloverQueen: I think this is perfectly harmless. As long as the boundaries are clear I don’t think it’s a problem at all to have friends of the opposite sex.
Post # 9
my SO and I have both have tons of friends of the opposite gender. it’s all good! we love friends and trust each other. also i bartend and he’s a massage therapist. some people would have problems with those things too as related to the opposite sex, but we’re not threatened at all. i can only think of one time I teased him about a girl and it was a chick that’s about the opposite of his type if he were to have one, bc she would text him things like “i need your hands!” haha creeper. maybe the trick is we never make it weird by being secretive, being too favoritey with one new person or something, ever giving the other person even the smallest reason to have any insecurities, etc. Every one of these friends knows us as a couple, no one’s a threat in anyway.
Post # 10
@PoppyH: lol so cute. i love seeing my SO get to be close friends with my best friend! it’s so cute! she’s gay and one time when I feel asleep early at a festival he cruised around with her as her wingman for hitting on chicks. LOL! hysterical and awesome to me!
Post # 11
Interesting question because MOST of my friends ARE guys!
I think I’m just used to being around them, given my hobbies and career field. DH didn’t know them before meeting me, and now he likes hanging out with all of them (at least as far as I can tell).
Post # 12
I used to have more guy friends, but I’ve drifted away from them over the years. I now only have one close male friend and I’ve known him since we were kids. It’s not a relationship that worries my husband, it’s rare that my male friend and I will actually spend time alone, but I do think he keeps the relationship on his radar.
Post # 13
my closest friends are guys, has been that way my entire life. Never had any problems either.
Post # 14
I have lots of guy friends. It’s not unusual for my now-husband to come home on a Saturday or Sunday after teaching sailing and find me drinking beer on the deck with one who lives close by. Or on a nice day, I run over to his place, let him cook me lunch, water me, and cool off in his kiddie pool. I’m also friends, or at least on good terms, with most of my exes, and past lovers.
If there was anything there, we’d have still been together. Likewise, i feel the same about his female friends and ex girlfriends.
Post # 15
Both of us have close friends of the opposite sex. My closests male friend is one of my exes. Just because we didn’t work out romantically does not mean that I can’t recognise what a great guy he is and how much better my life is with him in it.
The same goes for my H with his female friends. I have never even thought of getting jealous. I just don’t see the point. He married me. If he wanted to be with someone else all the jealousy or controlling behaviour is not going to change that.
Post # 16
I had a pretty close male work friend (he was my co-teacher for almost a year).
DH occasionally got a little jealous, like I get a little jealous of some of his female friends (from before we met).
But there are clear boundaries, and neither of us crosses the. So it’s all good!