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I am sorry you are having all of this drama. I suggest you just not invite anyone that you won't be talking to after the wedding. I also think that you need to have the location on the invitation, so they know how to plan. They will want to get accomodations close by. I don't think it is fair to your guests not to include the address on the invites.
Oook... Yes, you need to put an address on your invitations. HOWEVER invites don't need to go out until 8 weeks prior to the wedding, and at that point you'll be so busy they can google until their fingers fall off and you'll be too busy to care. If you're doing a save the date, there's no reason it can't just say "Jack and Jill, 2011-09-03, French Riveriera"
Obviously things are a bit different with a destination wedding in that people will be making plans before 8 weeks out, but if you're cool with dealing with the people who WILL come one on one to assist them with their plans, or are planning on booking accomodations for everybody it might not be a problem.
I can't not invite them as the majority of them are his family members. The remainder are a few of my friends which I'm considering not inviting at all. I really wasnt expecting all of this to happen. It's not like I'm breaking the bank either, but they all seem to have this competitive nature that I don't have. You don't covet other people because it's just a miserable way to live. I agree with you that people should know, but I was thinking if I tell them what areas to book accomodations if that would suffice. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about all of this. I mean what kind of person would go so far as to contact vendors to try to figure out your wedding budget. If they weren't his family, I wouldn't invite them.
Wow, that is terrible that people want to get into your finacial business like that. I agree with noritake that you definatly should NOT invite anyone to your big day that you dont plan on even speaking to after the wedding and I wouldnt invite anyone who isnt truly going to be there for YOU. That is terrible that they are doing this to you right after dealing with your fathers death. If you have time id focus a bit on your mourning process; I know when my dad died it was so hard on me, 15 years later and i still feel it difficult. Him not being able to walk me down the isle was so hard I couldnt even emagine how hard it would be if he had died that close to my acual wedding time.
Also, it is very important to put the exact and correct location address on your invites. On my invites i put the right addresses and then made a blooper on my programs--people had a hard time finding the reception hall because of incorrect address. Some people ended up not finding the location at all and just went back to their hotels and homes.
Good luck and remember to take some time for yourself! It is very important
Do save-the-dates now so people can plan ahead for plane tickets, and maybe even plan to stay a few extra days since it's a long flight. If you block hotel rooms and let everyone know that is certainly enough for now. You can have the venue just on the invitations 12-8 weeks out as SapphireSun said.
Also, I've never seen venue prices posted on websites - you usually have to call and ask because it varies by day and season. If they're crazy enough to call vendors they aren't your friends, and even if they are family and you will have to deal with them in the future, don't let it get to you. It's your day - cheap or expensive it will be how you want it.
That's what I find so incomprehendable is that they would behave this way right after my dad died. I held my father's hand as he passed. I saw him die and the only comfort I have is knowing that he gave his blessings. I don't plan as much as I probably would have had he been here and the wedding will be very emotional.
I know this is all very odd and I know logically speaking I have to include this information. I guess I can just not speak to anyone and just let them do what they want. I can't stop them either way.
@mtbutterflyrose, my condolences to you. Nothing can replace the loss of a father and I can only imagine how hard it must have felt walking down the aisle without him. FI has been buying me yoga videos on iTunes to try and help me relax...lol So I will definitely be taking some me time.
Thank you ladies for taking time out to lend me some advice. It's appreciated more than you know :)
You're right @rachelss, but something about it just makes me feel violated. I can't explain it. It's like they're looking into a very personal aspect of my relationship with my future husband. And yes, that it exactly what they will do. Call and ask for a proposal. Lol, I'll just have to cope. I can't make everyone else suffer for a few bad apples. Thanks again :)
This is a rough situation to be in, but, realistically, they can look it up now or they can look it up in a few months when you have to tell them - the only way to gaurantee no one can look up how much your venue charges is to not invite anyone at all!
Fortunately, it doesn't really matter what people think, right? Like you said, you're not the competitive one, so when you talk to people about stuff, just stress how excited you are to be marrying the man you love, not the details of the wedding. Or mention casually how glad you were to get a deal on xyz (even if you didn't) - they don't need to know how much money you've 'saved'. A lot of our vendors/venues worked with us on pricing, almost no one actually charged us what their posted rates are.
@daydream You're right :) I guess because I'm such a private person it just irritated me. Everything that they disliked being done to them when they were planning their own weddings is what they are doing to me. Go figure. His cousin didn't want to spend much on her wedding because she wanted to make back what she spent (which she did btw), but that was her choice. Now she wants me to have a "simple" wedding. I'm not a simple wedding kind of person. I want to celebrate this day, but I'm not going overboard. FI and I both have 2 jobs to have the day we want to have. It's our choice. She has gone so far as to try to tell me what kind of dress to get just so I don't buy anything too current even though I've said it over and over again that my gown is a silent tribute to my dad. He picked it out of my bridal magazine the day her went into the hospital. He pick out a silhoutte and I intend to purchase a dress like that. It makes me feel as if he is involved even though he won't be there. Might sound crazy, but its comforting to me and she keeps showing me these other gowns that isnt remotely what i want even though i keep saying don't worry about it. My dress is a tribute to my dad and I'm not sharing what it is.
Anyway, we'll be including the venue. You can't stop people from being who they are.
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Hello Bees, I'm in this weird dilemna and I could really use some advice. I haven't been having the fun wedding planning process that I had hoped. It's been infused with so much drama so far I feel like I just want to elope! 95% of my friends are married. I was extremely supportive of them when they were engaged and getting married. I've never been an envious person. I'm more of a clown than anything else. I love laughing. Anyway ever since I got engaged it seems as if the claws have been coming out. After I switched my wedding to the riviera things just got worse. Everyone wants to know my budget about my finances and gossiping behind my back. No one cares that my father died a month after I got engaged or that when I was helping them plan their weddings I was caring for my son who was born with a chronic medical condition.
FI and I are set to go to the Riviera in a couple of weeks and I don't want to include the exact location of the reception on my invitations because they will all google and try to find out how much we're paying. I suggested to just write French Riviera or Nice, France and that the exact location is a surprise or something. He has one cousin in particular that's been trying very hard to find out our wedding budget. I thought we could give them wedding maps with the OOT bags upon arrival. Something like this.
I know that this is unconventional, but I can't deal with the year long gossiping and drama that will come along if they know my venue a year in the advance. There is more to this, but I'm trying to be brief. I'm a very private person and I just feel this is a big intrusion on my and my FI's privacy. I don't care if they dig after the fact as I won't be speaking to them anymore, but for my sanity for this year and so I can mourn the loss of my father I just feel this will be the easiet way for me to sort of shut them down. Any advice is welcome. Thanks :)