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I don't think that you have to. I can't imagine that I would be upset over something like this.
I didn't know this was rude either. I thought as long as I spoke to the B&G and offered my congratulations it would be fine. I thought that was the purpose of the B&G coming around to each table to thank people for coming.
I think people will definitely have different opinions on this. My opinion is that it's not rude. In fact, I hate how my FI feels the need to make a big production out of goodbyes to every single person whenever we are at a party or an event. I think that especially with a wedding, and the amount of people there, it's not necessary.
When I think about it, I wouldn't want every single guest at my wedding saying goodbye to me. People leave at different times during the night, and I want to be enjoying myself - not saying goodbye to everyone.
You know, that's a good question. I've always said goodbye to the B&G because it's what I consider good manners, but would it be bad manners not to? I don't know. I would want people to say good bye to me so I could properly thank them and see them out, but maybe that's not practical at a wedding. Then again, we're only having 80 people, so...
I think it depends on how close you are to them. I mean, if it's your best friend or something, I'm sure you'd want to say goodbye. But for most weddings, I think it's impractical to assume every single guest will tell the bride and groom goodbye! I definitely don't think it's a big deal if you don't.
Oh goodness, I would rather not spend my entire evening saying goodbye to every single person at the reception! A few people, yes. I understand that grandparents and aunts and uncles whom you are close to will want to say goodbye, fine. However, I do not consider it rude at all if someone chooses to leave without saying goodbye. :)
I've actually been to a wedding where the bride and groom never came over to thank me for coming and both left before me! So I think THEY were rude, haha!
@ Tulip, my FI is like that too, and it drives me insane! I am more of slip out the back door kinda girl. It takes us so long to leave any function!! We tell everyone bye a million times!
I don't think you are. I do the same thing. There were times where I've waited by turn to say good-bye to a friend and then after 20 mins of waiting just left. There were times where I just caught the bride through the corner of her eye, waved, blew a kiss and did the "call me" signal with my hand and left.
I think most brides would understand you just leaving. Sometimes for a bridge & groom to talk & say good-bye to everyone at a wedding...its impossible.
@Tonya and @Tulip - my pulse actually quickens when I am at a party and I have to leave first for this very reason. The goodbyes can take hours! People suddenly want to catch up.
At a wedding I've usually devoted my entire day and evening to traveling and sitting around so by the time I'm ready to leave I don't want to do a round of goodbyes. And I've never thought it was rude before reading that comment b/c I can't even get the B&G's attention! It's not like they're standing in the doorway giving hugs as people leave.
I think it probably depends on the size of the wedding and how close you are to the bride or groom. The fewer people present, the more noticeable your absence will be.
I don'tt hink it's rude at all. = ) The B&G are usually pretty busy, anyway!
@Tonya - I totally feel your pain! It is sooo annoying. I swear it takes us like a half hour just to leave because he spends forever saying goodbye. We have gotten into so many arguments over this!
if i'm close to them, i will definitely make a point of it to say goodbye. and if they happen to be in my way to the exit, i will say goodbye. but if we're not good friends, i'm not going to interupt their fun time dancing just to say goodbye. no need to bother them.
Not rude to leave without saying goodbye at a larger wedding. I don't think I've ever said goodbye at a wedding actually. Usually I talk with the bride and groom when they come around to the tables but that's it.
I agree, I feel it's rude if the bride and/or groom don't speak to a guest at all during the reception unless the wedding is huge.
I'm a BIG fan of the Irish Exit in general and usually leave weddings (and family picnics, birthday parties, nights out at the bar...) without saying goodbye.
I feel like the G&B have sooo much else going one, they don't need a line of people standing beside them while they're dancing waiting for a hug & kiss. Be honest - would you really even notice who left and didn't tell you?
I only felt bad about leaving 1 wedding without saying goodbye. I live in NYC and was invited to a wedding in Long Island. We decided not to stay overnight in a hotel to save money, but instead arranged for a car service to pick us up which was like $100 savings. We assumed the wedding wouldn't go much past 11:00pm as most weddings end by then adn I thought a lot of people were local and driving.
Nope. No one drove. Everyone stayed at a hotel. And the B&G arranged for a bus to transport us all which was nice. Our car showed up waaay early (which they do a lot and try to pressure you to leave early so they can get home) so we were stressed out about that. We still waited until 11:00, but the party was just getting started! The B&G had actually arranged for the bus to take everyone back at 1:00am, but failed to mention that to me ahead of time. There were about 120 guests so it wasn't a really huge crowd and definitely possible to notice us leave. So I had FI wrap my purse in his jacket and walk out and I followed like 5 minutes later and we left without saying goodbye! I just didn't want the goodbyes to last 2 hours, but now I do feel bad about at least not saying it to the B&G.
I always attempt to. But I don't think it's rude if you have to leave and you don't get a chance to say goodbye personally. You can always write them a message later saying you're sorry you didn't get a chance to say goodbye and congratulating them again and telling them you had a great time.
I went to a traditional New Jersey wedding (prolly very simiral to your LI wedding!) and planned on leaving around 11pm as I assumed the party would be breaking up around then. No, it raged until well past 1am. So I'm told. I left at 11pm by sneaking into the bathroom with my purse to "freshen up"...then just rolling out the door. The next Monday at work, my friend asked me what I thought of her Viennese Hour and ice cream bar. I told her they were awesome and to this day she has no idea I wasn't there.
Sure, a (small) part of me feels bad, but my leaving early didn't stop her from having a blast, clearly. I'm probably more upset that I missed the ice cream bar!!
@Twalila - Your story sounds very similar to mine. And I guess I kind of panicked as I thought we would be leaving at the same time as everyone else and I really didnt' want to draw attention to us. That is so funny that she thinks you were there! I wouldn't have the guts to pretend like I was.
I don't think it's rude either, and I think most brides and grooms understand that. As long as I've already had a chance to say congratulations or have a quick conversation with them at some point during the reception, I'll usually just try to say a quick thank you and goodbye before I leave. But it totally depends on what the bride and groom are doing at the time. If they're busy, I prefer to just give them a call or drop an email after the wedding/honeymoon to say thanks for a great time : )
Hmmm... I always make a point at a party to thank the host and say goodbye before i leave at the end of the night. I would do the same at a wedding. I guess if it's a really big wedding, and the bride and groom are totally busy with other guests, then it might be too difficult to get their attention and say goodbye. At a smaller wedding though I would definitely say goodbye and thank you before I leave.
I don't think it's a requirement. Some people went out of their way to come say goodbye to me and it was just like "okay okay, goodbye, thank you" and it got overwhelming. Some just sneaked out (fine by me) while i was on the dance floor or something like that or they probably, most likely, didn't want to interrupt any conversation i was having with other people.
IMO, I'd rather have close friends give me a hug and say goodbye and more distant family/friends/etc shoot me an email saying "didn't have time to say goodbye, congrats on married life; had a great time!"
That may be mean, but it kinda depends who it is. I had a lot of my husband's relatives at our wedding that i'd never ever met and i frankly didn't care since i'd never met/seen/will see them again.
@skibobrown - that's a good point. I think it might be rude at a smaller wedding. I have just never been to a small one, all my friends/family seem to have 150+ weddings. P.S. Where are you getting married in Bar Harbor?? That is one of mine and FI's favorite places in the world and we were fantasizing getting married at the Harborside Inn! :)
@Ejs - Your response reaffirms my thoughts on not saying goodbye, as you were even overwhelmed with people trying to do that. But I do feel a little bad now for not sending an email afterwards, I guess I should have tried to do that, never even thought about it.
Nobody sent me an email to say they had a good time. I did get some facebook messages though. I wouldn't think twice. I'ts nice, but i didn't think twice about "wow so and so left without responding later!"
No big deal
hmm. Honestly i am one of those people that do make a point to say goodbye to the B&G since it may be the only time i get one on one time with them! although in my culture (and dh's for that matter) its considered rude to not say goodbye to your hosts. and I usually end up setting extra time aside for the goodbye catchups....yea thats when everybody feels like chatting. I was miffed at a few people who did an Irish exit at our wedding. In my mind...most weddings i stay and close the place down! Show your hosts that it was fun by staying as long as possible...I was kind of put off and thought maybe they didn't have fun at our wedding?
@moderndaisy -- We're getting married on the other side of the island in Northeast Harbor at the Asticou Inn. We are also totally in love with Bar Harbor, and we have several friends who live there year round. I can't wait!
Our wedding is going to be around 100 ppl, so I feel like it will be possible to say goodbye to everyone... more than that though, and I would feel the same as ejs -- I'd feel sad if my close friends didn't say goodbye, but I would feel kind of overwhelmed if everyone tried to say goodbye.
I think if you try, and fail - thats all that matters. You should really really try though! Honestly, they probably wont cry over it haha, but it is good manners.
I am going to join the camp that says it's fine as long as you have spoken to the B&G at some point during that day.
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Is it considered bad manners to leave a wedding without saying goodbye? I saw a bride on another thread mention it was rude of guests to do this which had me worried. I don't always say goodbye. I mean, if I've been there all day and night for the ceremony & reception and already congratulated/spoken to the B&G at length I usually just leave when i'm ready for bed (after dinner and cake cutting). This is always at a large wedding, i've never been to a small one.
I've actually TRIED to say goodbye before and was not successful as the couple was too distracted and couldn't even devote enough attention to let me get a sentence out. I'm also not a fan of the goodbyes lasting longer than the actual party which happens at many family gatherings.
Am I being rude?