Do you HAVE to track people down who don't RSVP?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you have to track down non-RSVPers?
    Yes, we did : (74 votes)
    83 %
    No, we didn't : (11 votes)
    12 %
    Other : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1112 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    By the deadline only about half our guests had RSVP’d. A lot of them were flaky enough that they would’ve just shown up without saying anything to us if we didn’t track them down, so yes we did.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1043 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    It depends on who it is and their circumstances. My granny, i would track her down, because its important she be there. My friends from med school i would track down because i know theyre crazy busy, and dont know their schedules months ahead of time. One of my cousins or fis drinking buddies? Nope. no way. I invited them to be polite, the least they could do is reciprocate and repond on time. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1286 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I was told we didnt HAVE to but I gave my mom the list of her friends who hadnt rsvp’d by a week or so before the deadline and gave my MIL a list of their family too. They were both able to get most of our list to send back the cards either yes or no by the deadline of 3/1 (wedding was 3/30). We were even able to fill a few of the NO seats last min with co-workers who wanted to attend but were on the back up list and understood. They were thrilled to get to come. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    42469 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @toothfairy910:  If you don’t confirm,it is you or more likely someone close to you, who is going to be inconvenienced. Some of these people are likely to show up requiring a place to sit and a meal.

    How do you plan to deal with that? Set up extra tables and pay for meals that may or may not go uneaten? Or set up only the confirmed number of tables and chairs and someone in your family has to scramble at the last minute dealing with venue staff to set up additional seating. Hopefully the kitchen is able to produce the extra meals.

    I suggest you confirm the non responders.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6048 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    What do you do if you don’t track them down and they just show up at your wedding?  Escort them out?  

    I called the 4 people that didn’t RSVP, all were yeses and they thought I would have known they were coming.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5421 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @toothfairy910:  You shouldn’t have to, no, and as far as I know it isn’t bad etiquette not to follow up. However, if you don’t follow up you may find people show up, which could be incredibly awkward if there isn’t enough space/seating/food. So, loathe as I am to do it, if we haven’t heard from people within about 1-2 weeks of the deadline passing, they will be getting a polite but firm telephone call asking for an immediate response. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @toothfairy910:  We tracked people down and even confirmed a few flaky people a second time the week of in order to avoid having to deal with any seating/meal issues on the day of. Your vendors will appreciate having an exact count.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1737 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

    @toothfairy910:  Ok, going on the experience from my first wedding, IF it was someone we thought would definitely be there (ie, my granny, aunt, etc) then we asked. However, if it is someone who you were not sure about or not expecting to really come at all (ie my dad’s brother who lived in OH at the time and we had not even spoken to in about 10 years) then no, we did not. By the way the OH uncle did RSVP w/ wife and did not show. So you never really know.

     

    Of course, I am assuming there will be a couple of extra plates for “just in cases” right?

     

    I am not sure how that goes with plated dinners, it is easier to do with buffets which are very common around here.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @toothfairy910:  We had about 5 flakes, 3 out of 5 decided they couldn’t make it the week of the wedding but I had time to shuffle around the seating so it wasn’t a problem. It took 5 minutes to make the calls, 5 minutes to switch the seating arrangement and send it to our coordinator. Worth the time for sure!

    Post # 16
    Member
    1737 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

    @toothfairy910:  I am having a very small wedding at White Point Gardens on the Battery.

    Where in Charleston are you getting married?

    I LOVE my Charleston! My FI wanted to get married on the beach, but I did not want a beach wedding and it didn’t fit my vision. Plus we are planning to get married in the middle of the summer, so they wouldn’t work very well either.

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