Do you horseplay with your SO?

posted 1 month ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

The sort of behavior you and your FI engage in would bother me.  I wouldn’t tolerate having it directed towards me, and if I was out to dinner with friends and saw a friend interacting like this with her FI, that would probably be the last time I’d have dinner with them.  And I probably would have a quiet word with my friend in private to let her know I was concerned.

Sorry bee, but a lot of what you described comes across as immature and attention-seeking behavior to me.  Doing stuff like dripping ice cubes on each other while giggling (at a restaurant!)?  over the top PDA in front of friends/family?  Sounds like you and your FI want to make sure everone around you knows you are a couple.   

 

ETA: and the incident with the can of soda?  He seriously did that? An adult actually did that? That’s not the sort of thing my SO would ever do, but if she did, that’s in dealbreaker territory for me.  

Post # 62
Member
38 posts
Newbee

My Fiance and I are the exact same way. We are always playing around with each other like that! I’ll always sneakily bite him or steal his food or he will put his cold hands on my skin and throw paper balls at me or tickle me. I’ll come up behind him and pinch his “chubs” as I call it and mess with him and if we are out with a group or alone we will make the ugliest faces at each other and just crack up laughing. We are also known in our mutual friend group and at work ( we work together ) to greet each other by “Hey Ugly.” LOL. I couldnt love a person more though. I don’t think we are immature we are just very very playful with each other and I havent noticed anyone ever being irritated or bothered by it.

 

EDIT: We rarely do anything like whats mentioned above in public, either. ONLY around our best friends and immediate family.

Post # 63
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We joke around and are sarcastic with each other, but it is never mean spirited or insulting. We tickle each other sometimes but rarely. But we never do any of what you said in public, I would be embarrassed. We will be sarcastic with each other in front of family, but both of our families are the same way and we are all sarcastic with each other so it isn’t like it’s just us. We don’t do PDA either. We might hold hands or give a quick kiss if it’s just us in public but we don’t even kiss around family. 

Post # 64
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Beautiful place.

We are very playful too, he tickles me a lot, now and then some silly prankes like scare me when I’m walking into the kitchen or the house and the lights are off.. 

He does that usually when we are by ourselves in public sometimes he tickles me but that’s it. 

We have a lot of fun together and are always laughing 😂.. 😄😁

Post # 65
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper

DH and I have little games with each other, but we only do those things in private. Without the full context, I can sort of see how your friend might misunderstand his intentions, but I probably would’ve just thought you guys were a little immature. You know your relationship better than we do. 

Post # 66
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

mingogo4 :  oh god. I feel like my friends/family think FI and I are insane because we ALWAYS do things like you described. I’d be mortified if someone thought it was abuse, but for me, it’s normal. 🙂

 

ETA: I’m not into pda or being super goofy like that in public. He’s my best friend, though, so maybe sometimes we’re goofy in public and not to this extent 

Post # 67
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

jlmx0 :  Rude.

A can of soda is a deal breaker for you? Really? It is not attention seeking behaviour, it’s called fun.

Post # 68
Member
2044 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

NDTieTheKnot :  jimx0 is entitled to her opinion just as you are.  I too would find the soda can thing completely off putting and really question my relationship.  Chasing someone spraying them with soda crosses the line IMO.  It’s just stupid.

OP, my relationship isn’t like this at all.  The relationships that I have seen like this were never just joking around, or at least it started that way but deep down there actually was abuse going on.  Those couples made me very uncomfortable so I can see why your friend is concerned and kudos to her for bringing it up to you.  The extreme PDA stuff is just weird.  It sceams immature and attention seeking.

I don’t know Bee.  You must not be completely happy with all this or else you wouldn’t post about it.  It sounds like you’re looking for validation of this behavior.

Post # 69
Member
38 posts
Newbee

NDTieTheKnot :  How am I rude? Not trying to start an argument. I’m genuinely curious. 

Post # 70
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

Interesting subject.. We do somewhat, but nothing prank-ish. I HATE pranks and he knows that. I’m also not really ticklish. But we are playful, I love being carried, he loves surprise picking me up and throwing me on the bed/couch, and I do sneak a bite from his plate (every plate undecided ). We tease each other and joke around, and I use to smack him playfully but he would poke me in the stomach (and dang his fingers are strong) which always kind of hurts, so I stopped.. which I think was his point lol. I still ‘boop’ poke his butt on occasion, but not around other people. The most for a prank I would do it googly eyes on everything in the fridge – that sort of playful thing. Anything that is physically uncomfortable, embarrassing, could make me late, or otherwise turn out badly I do NOT like. I steal my brothers’ phones and wallets but don’t really do that to my bf, at least not his phone. He’s private and, as I trust him, I try to respect that.

My thing is 1) do you both enjoy it and 2) is it awkward/uncomfortable for others to be around?

If you are both happy and consenting and such then great, but if it makes others feel weird to be around you, then maybe discussing the right times and places for that behavior would be a good move? It does seem a little immature to be doing such things in public, and I know someone else mentioned ‘wanting everyone to know you’re a couple’. I do get that vibe a little bit from the OP as well, but of course without seeing it for myself it’s hard to say. Again – time and place would just be my response, nothing to fly off the handle.

Post # 71
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

mingogo4 :  We are the same.  We are always teasing, tickling, poking, smacking behinds.. we have been known to actually wrestle too lol.  When we are in stores we tend to throw items at one another… or scare each other in the aisles… stupid silly stuff….We play.  Physically and verbally.  Good lord – if some people heard the way we speak to one another sometime – but its all play and love.  Most of our friends laugh about it.. No one has ever told us we make them uncomfortable… 

Post # 72
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We joke, laugh, wrestle, play fight, some time little pranks. Make up funny songs… And just generally laugh all the time together. Ive never felt so happy or like i could actually laugh and have fun with someone like i do with FH.

But we know how to act appropriately at dinner and in social settings. Theres a time and a place for silliness……

Post # 73
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

I’ll be 500% real with you. When I was younger I was in a relationship like this. And I can tell you it wasn’t all fun and games – really, we were pissed off and resentful about things and didn’t have the emotional maturity to bring it up in discussion and resolve it. So, instead we acted out our anger in ways that were cruel, immature and humiliating and played it off as a joke because we didn’t have the guts to own up to our feelings. 

I don’t know you or your relationship. But from my personal experience, I say proceed with extreme caution. 

Post # 74
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My and my fiance are definitely playful. We tickle, poke, smack each other with pillows, pinch each other’s butts, wrestle. Everyone who knows us knows this though. We are always laughing so I don’t think anyone we know takes it offensively. However on the verbal side I think some people do. We both know we are completely joking, we laugh and have fun. We are high school sweethearts and have been together since 10th grade so our inside jokes are endless and some people might think they are mean if they don’t know us well enough. He wrestled in high school and the team had a little joke, if they had a day they weren’t cutting weight and were eating like pigs one of the boys would say “dang fatty”. So we are clearly out if high school and adults now but when we go out to dinner with friends and he orders a ton of food I’ll joke like “dang fatty how are you gonna make weight”. He isn’t fat, he knows this, I know this. We laugh and giggle. He’s very fit. I’m also very short 5’1. I’m a petite girl. He often jokes about it. Our friends will say let’s go to blank amusement park… And he will put in some smart comment about how I’m not tall enough to ride anything. It’s all okay though, and as you said we can be serious too. I love our relationship & I think it shows that we are high school sweethearts. So who cares. If you’re both happy, ignore the comments. 

Post # 75
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I just read more of your comments… And I have to say me and my fiance don’t get playful in public. We do make verbal jokes but never any type of pranks or physical joking. We also aren’t pda types either. We hold hands in public but that’s about it. Every once in a while he kisses my cheek in public. But it never goes further than that. We also don’t do things like drip ice cubes on each other or spray pop… That is to far for me. I guess we don’t really prank each other. We might joke or play around… But not as extreme as what you are describing.. and we act mature in public. Most of our jokes are private or in a close friend group setting. Not really ever in public other than the eating jokes or him joking about how little I am. 

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