Weddingbee boards

Help me out girls- I registered for my bridal shower but now want to pull it off because honestly, what we really need is money. we've lived on our own long enough to have the basic living necessities and are now trying to save for a house... We thought we would just register for something like HONEYMOON.COM which is a site that people can pay for things on your honeymoon. That would help out greatly.

My question is, how do I incorporate that into my invite without being tacky? Do I add a small card inside the invite, or leave it alone, wait for people to ask and explain what we really need is help with our honeymoon or saving for a house?

Im worried if I dont include any registry it will make people get us things we may not need. What should I do? What is the etiquette for this? Help!

It is a pretty big etiquette no-no to include registry or gift preference information on the wedding invitation. However, it is perfectly acceptable to include this on the shower invitations, since the purpose of that party is solely for gifts.

Personally, I like it when I know the registry information so I know what to get the couple, but I still won't be putting that on my invites. I gift cash at 90% of the weddings I go to anyway.

What I would do is set up a wedding page on a website such as theknot.com. On there you can share with your guests your story as a couple, your wedding plans in-the-making, other details and registry information. Then include a card insert in the invites that say, "For more information, please visit www..." Then, if guest decides to visit the site and see the registry section, you can mention that you are saving for a house/honeymoon and will know what to give. But include your registry also - some people find joy in giving a tangible gift. That is the polite, descrete way besides word of mouth.

You can encourage your shower hosts to select a theme, such as bedroom, bathroom, living room and all the guests purchase gifts according to that theme.  Since you prefer financial gifts, your hosts can build a theme around that.  They'd then include the theme in the shower invitations.  It works well when your hosts have personal conversations with your guests to explain the theme if necessary. 

All of my showers have themes. In fact, our hosts tactfully encouraged our guests to do group gifts to help us knock out some of the more expensive items.

Not to beat a dead horse here, but you should NEVER put your registry information on your wedding invites. Some countries do it, but in the US it is HIGHLY frowned upon. Recieving a gift from a guest is not a requirement, it is a courtesy, so you should NEVER EVER even MENTION gifts on something as formal as the invitation. There ARE people who do it, but the majority of people find it absolutely tacky and there is a very good chance you'll offend many guests.

As everyone else said, the best thing to do (besides spreading the information by word of mouth) is to include your website address on your invitations. (You can find plenty of free, user-friendly wedding website builders, such as theknot.com and momentville.com.) Then, on your wedding website, create a page in the menu titled "Registry Information" or something to that extent. On that page, list your honeymoon.com website in lieu of the typical department store links, or if you're feeling bold just explain your situation in a tactful manner.

If they go to your website and see that you aren't registered for toasters, blenders, and crap like that, they most likely won't get you one. Once they see the link to the honeymoon donation website, they will probably get the hint.

When I recieve wedding invitations, I always assume that the registry information will be on the couple's website, so I know to check there. Most people are practical - they don't want to waste their money buying you something they know you won't use. I would much rather someone tell me flat out that they have all the appliances they need, but that donations to their honeymoon or house fund are always appreciated. It's not wrong to tell people that, especially if they ask. You just need to know how to tell them and doing so on the wedding invitation is NOT the way.

However, it is absolutely appropriate to include registry information on your BRIDAL SHOWER invitations, since that is the purpose of a bridal shower afterall - to shower the bride with gifts.

Hope this helps, and good luck! :)

stlucia, I feel that your guest taking the time to make a presence on your special day is presence itself. If I had a loved one who I knew couldn't afford to buy me a gift, I would still want them to attend my wedding. Weddings are so ridiculous nowadays - it's like Christmas - everyone is so busy worrying about the gifts they'll receive (which are just that - a gift! you're luck to receive ANYTHING) that they lose sight of the true meaning.

Yes, it is proper etiquette to bring a gift, but it is not something the bride and groom should ever "expect," especially on something so formal as the invitation. You really can't please everyone, but you'll offend less people by simply making a note on your website or telling them your situation when they ask you. While some people don't mind - or mind, but keep their feelings to themselves - there are people who will be offended enough to not give you anything (as many people here have already said they would do in such a situation.) Like you said, some people already equate a wedding invitation as a solicitation for a gift - do you really want to push that deduction even futher by tactlessly posting your gift registry on it too?