Post # 1
So, I have a bit of a unique situation. I have an engagement ring, which I love. But its an odd shape and after 18 months of searching, I can’t find a wedding band I’m happy with. My FI is against changing anything about my current ring. That’s fine, I respect that. He suggested getting an entirely new ring and wearing my current ring on another finger. Essentially, most people would belive it was simply an upgrade. If they didn’t know they above, anyway.
I’m not against this idea, especially if its the decision my FI is most comfortable with. I’m also not against upgrading in general. And although we haven’t made a decision yet (we have time) we wont be taking anyone’s opinion into account.
What has me curious is this: a friend of mine got really judgey about it – she used the phrase ‘materialistic’ at one point.
So my question: do you ‘judge’ woman who upgrade?
P.s. keep it nice ladies, everyone is entitled to an opinion 🙂
Post # 3
My ring, if anyone’s interested 🙂
Post # 4
I do judge, but only silently. And I know I shouldn’t, but it just never sounds good when people say they changed their ring, especially if it’s for one that’s bigger or more expensive. Even the most valid reasons just never sound okay to me, I’m afraid.
BUT it’s not my opinion that matters. Upgrading or keeping the ring is your choice. If YOU want to change it, you do that, and don’t worry about what I or anyone else thinks.
Post # 5
Your friend is not a friend if she got all judgy about something so personal.
Post # 6
I feel like the wedding band should be the ‘forever’ ring. I don’t judge people because tgey want to change their e ring. Do what makes you happy! Screw peoples judgment, they will forget in 5 minutes anyway!
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2013 - A Beautiful converted Barn
maybe its a US thing, i havent really heard of anyone doing it over here (UK) but personally i dont like the idea of ‘upgrading’. especially when the girl has had imput into their 1st ring… just seems a bit unnessecary to me.
HOWEVER – upgrading/changing/swapping the ring is a choice you have to make. if your unhappy with the ring then do what you have to – you are going to be wearing that ring forever so make sure you love it.
that being said…. have you looked into having a ring specifically made? you could get one made to fit right up against your ER… which is a GORGEOUS ring btw!!x
Post # 8
@LessIsMoore: that thought has occurred to me too..
@weird_bunny: yes, I have. By a drew jewllers actually. A part of the issue here (which I forgot to put in my original post) is my desire to wear a plain (white) gold wedding band. So I never have to take it off. I can get a filler made, but I hate how they look and so does FI. And a plain band pinches. Sigh, first world problems.
Post # 9
I don’t judge, not really. Maybe the couple could only afford a small e-ring when they started out and the husband really wants to surprise his wife with something a little more substantial later on in life. I don’t know every couple’s situation, so I can’t pass judgment.
I think the e-ring you have is lovely, btw! 🙂
Post # 10
No I don’t and I do a serious eye roll whenever somone on the Bee gets their panties in a twist over someone upgrading. Sometimes a ring is just a ring and not the sacred treasure that some people build it up to be and if a couple is both on board with changing it then who is anyone to judge?
Post # 11
Many couples get engaged before they have reached their full earnings potential, if they choose to upgrade rings, it’s their decision. I probably would only change my future one if I realized it was not as universal with my wardrobe as I had hoped.
Post # 12
@LorensAngel: thank you! i love it and will be wearing it, it’s just a question of what finger 😉
@novacaineandlaughter: @nineteen87: I’m much the same, I don’t know what anyone else situation is.. And really, I just don’t care what other people do 🙂
Post # 13
But I judge people who judge others for a personal decision like this.
Who does a ring upgrade impact other than the couple? NO-ONE.
I would rather trade up with the ring than change the Husband….
Post # 14
Hate to admit it…..sometimes I do a bit.
I’m a very sentimental person and put more of an emotional value on an engagement ring than a financial one. So when people ‘upgrade’ i kind think but that is not the ring he proposed with…. all whilst making a sad face in my head!!
Having said that…I’ve only had my ring for a year and I still love it!! Maybe if you ask me in 10 years I might want to change it out or have a different opinion!
I however am a believer that everyone is entitled to do whatever they feel is right for them….and I recognise that lots of people are not as sentimental about their ring as I am about mine.
Post # 15
I voted ‘sometimes’; for me, it depends. I don’t really like upgrading for the sake of it/to keep up with the Joneses (eg a woman’s friend gets engaged and her ring is bigger, so she insists on one even bigger to better her); I also don’t like it when women demand an upgrade straight away (ie their OH proposes with a ring, they decide it’s too small, and insist on upgrading it before wearing it; I know someone who did this…)
Otherwise, if a couple’s financial situation has changed since they got engaged/if the intention was always there/if they fancy a bigger or different ring/if they realise the original style wasn’t quite right for them for whatever reason, I see no issue, at all.
I actually upgraded mine. We did not do our research, and went with white gold. I quickly realised that while white gold was fine for my RHRs that I don’t wear daily, it wasn’t so great for my engagement ring, and I decided I wanted it switched to platinum. OH didn’t want me to change the original ring, so, after speaking to him at length, we decided to have my ring copied. I also decided to upgrade the specs of the stones seeing as I was getting a whole new ring.
My new one is pretty much identical to my original one; most people probably won’t notice. I personally didn’t want to change the style (some jewellers just did not get this; they didn’t understand why we’d fork out so much for a cluster when we could have gotten a solitaire/halo) because I loved it so much; but have no issue with people who do, or people who go with a bigger stone.
Upgrading is unusual in the UK and I hadn’t thought about it until I joined the bee. However, since then I know 2 people, as well as me, who have upgraded; one went for a bigger TCW and 18ct gold instead of 9ct; the other is having her stones re-set into a platinum band, as the re-dipping issue with white gold was bugging her too, and I think that seeing me have mine done made her realise it was an option.
Post # 16
I’ve known many women that have upgraded. Being from Texas, the mentality is “bigger is better.” My first wedding ring I picked out and PAID for myself. I adored that ring and it was the average 1 ct. size for my area. I never thought about upgrading it. I still have it in my safe…still trying to figure out what to do with it.
When DH and I were just dating, we rarely talked about getting engaged. We never looked at rings together (he did see my first ring) and he figured I was “traditional” so my ring looks it. He also was upset that he couldn’t find bigger than a .5 ct. overseas and has told me if I want to upgrade one day, that I can. This might be b/c he “could afford more but there weren’t any options for a more expensive ring.”
Most of the women I know who’ve upgraded all waited until at least their 5 year anniversary and it was usually more of a “quality” thing than a size thing.
But being overseas, I see that I stand out as an American w/an actual diamond b/c most women only wear a gold band. So for now, I’m perfectly happy that I have a diamond to begin with.