Do you judge people's engagement timelines?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Do you judge how long people date before getting engaged?
    Yes, sometimes when people get engaged really fast! : (95 votes)
    45 %
    Yes, sometimes when people date forever before getting engaged! : (14 votes)
    7 %
    Yes-- I have judged people for too fast OR too slow! : (57 votes)
    27 %
    No, I never judge : (40 votes)
    19 %
    Obligatory "other" : (6 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8419 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @PromiseRooster:  I figure every couple has their own reasons for doing things the way they do.  It’s really none of my business, so I don’t care enough to judge.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4601 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I will admit that I have judged a few people for getting engaged rather quickly, but it’s not something I do often. The only ones I’ve judged were people that I know personally. Everybody has their reasons for doing things they way they do, so I usually don’t care enough to judge. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    490 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    It’s none of my damn business when people, including close friends, do or don’t get engaged.

    Post # 6
    Hostess
    4941 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Everyone has their own timelines and what works best in their relationship. If they believe that they are making the best and most beneficial choices for their own unique case, then good for them! 🙂 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I don’t think I judge people waiting too long bc I generally assume they have a reason.  They’re obviously happy to be together bc they would break up otherwise.  But some people just don’t believe in marriage, or perhaps the time just isn’t right.  Who knows?

    But I have to admit I do worry a bit for couples when they get engaged fast… Like, within a year.  Depends on age I guess too.  I tend to think the older the couple is, the more ok it is to get engaged sooner.  I guess I chalk it up to enough life experience and previous relationships to give them better insight into what works for them. 

    When young people get engaged super fast, I worry about infatuation taking over and the sustainability of the relationship.  After being with my FI 1-2 years,  I felt like “Yes, I can marry this man!” but I was 23-24…. now at nearly 29, I’m glad we didn’t get engaged until 27.. .after 4 years.  We just really got to know each other and past that infatuation phase into something that felt more solid, real, easy, comfortable, and loving. 

    I’m sure many fast engagements last, I just find I worry a bit about the rush…

    Post # 10
    Member
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I should add, 99% of the time I’m just happy for a couple when they get engaged… I might have a fleeting “oh that was quick!” kind of thought, but unless the couple seems unstable or something, I try not to judge. It’s kind of impossible to say we don’t judge people tho… it’s human nature and you can’t control what thoughts automatically come to mind.

    We had some friends get engaged after 8 or 9 years shortly after we did. I don’t know them very well but my only thought was how happy she must be that they’re engaged!

    Post # 11
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m a terrible, judge-y person. I know it. I work at being less judge-y.

    That being said, I expect disaster if the couple has been dating less than 3 months when they get engaged or married inside of a year.

    Obviously there are couples that know Day One and get married on Day 10 and are still married 7743084 years later. But like I said, I am a terrible, judge-y person.

    When I hear about couples dating longer than 5-10 years (unless they started dating at 14), I generally want to shake the BF a little and go “What is the WAIT? I want to see DGF in a wedding dress!”

    Post # 12
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - FMILs back yard

    @PromiseRooster:  No, I don’t judge. I don’t see a reason to think anything about when people do/do not get engaged. I’m just happy for them when and/or if they do (or happy for them if they are happily committed without marriage). 

    Post # 13
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - FMILs back yard

    @BrandNewBride:  Lol my SO and I have been dating seven years but we starting dating at age 14 and sometimes people who don’t know us very well (like how old we are) question why we haven’t gotten married and then I’m like… “We’re only 21.” And then they stop judging. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    8419 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @PromiseRooster:  Ah, I think it’s different if you know the details of the relationship (i.e. you’re really close to one or both people), but my closest friends aren’t married, so I can’t really say if I would judge that or not.

    Post # 16
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @PromiseRooster:  I have no room to judge really. Engaged at 19 after 4 months of dating. We are getting married on our 2 dating anniversary. A lot of people express “concern” which is usually a thinly veiled way of telling me they think i am an idiot.

    I don’t necassarily “judge” long engagements, they just don’t make sense to me. Even in high school I didn’t see the point of dating unless it was for marriage, so I couldn’t personally be with someone who was just feeling thingd out so to speak. If that makes any sense haha.

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