Post # 1
Well… Fiance and I are moving in together in a week… into the house we just bought and close on Wednesday.. squee!! As I was just working on packing up my office I hit an unexpected roadblock. Quick recap:
I had a HS sweetheart who followed me to college, and I basically dated for 5 years through hs, undergrad, and into law school. Clearly, this guy was a big part of my life. We broke up because he was reenlisting in the military and I wasn’t down to be a military wife (very simplistic account of what happened… but thats the bare-bones). There weren’t really hard feelings or anything, he’s a great guy. Just not the guy for me. The week after we broke up I went through all the many many things that he’d given me/were ours jointly and gave back or threw out everything except photos, letters, and a few momentos. I put them all in a shoe box, taped up all four sides and threw it in a closet.
Enter Fiance. We meet, fall in love, get engaged, and now we’re moving in together! As I pack up my home to move to OUR house I found the box (which I had totally forgotten existed) and I’m so torn! Part of me feels like I wanted to keep the box because it is a huge part of my history… and even though it didn’t work out that relationship prepared me for this one. I feel like if I have kids some day they might think its neat to see things from that stage of my life, including the guy I almost married and the letters he wrote me from boot camp, etc.
But… I feel like its totally disrespectful to keep that in the house Fiance and I live in together! I ended up going through the box and taking out only a handful of pictures that were more about events than us (like, our prom pictures, graduation pictures, etc), and tossing everything else. I think I did the right thing because it would really bother my Fiance if he ever came across the box.
What have you girls done in these situations? Do you keep things from past relationships? Or toss it all?
Post # 3
I keep things from the relationships that ended well, that I have warm feelings about now. I do not keep things from things that ended poorly. That is the big difference, IMO.
Post # 4
I personally don’t think it is disrespectful at all. I have a small box just like that, that I keep a few things in. I kept it for the same reason, I would think my daughter would one day like to see it. My mom had the same little box she showed me the first time my heart was broken by a boy. She wanted me to see that even though she was hurt, she met my dad, and look how happy they were.
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Well, I don’t have much experience in this, ’cause I only had one real boyfriend before my fiance…but I kept EVERYTHING from our relationship for a very long time. Not really for any specific reason, I just like to keep things. I didn’t ever look at it or anything, but I did have it. And I don’t think Fiance knew about it.
When I moved out of my parents house to go to college, I ended up throwing it all away. It didn’t really mean anything to me anymore, so I didn’t save it. Sometimes I think it would be fun to go back and look at it, just for fun, but I’m okay with not having it anymore.
Post # 6
I dont keep things from past relationships, but mostly because all of my past relationships ended badly lol. I just dont see the point in keep stuff, I guess Im not that sentimental. I have the memories in my head, so I dont need things to remind me of a relationship I once was in.
I dont think its disrespectful though, thats just how I personally handle past relationships.
Post # 7
Ohh! I forgot to mention:
I found a whole filebox of stuff from past relationships that my Boyfriend or Best Friend had and I kinda looked through it all (I know, Im terrible lol)
Some of it kinda made me laugh and some of it I was like…Ugh I dont wanna see this, but I ended up telling my Boyfriend or Best Friend that I found it and he had forgotten he had the box and threw it all away. It made me feel really good that he was literally “throwing away” his past because he has me now 🙂
Post # 8
I’m glad I made the popular decision. 🙂 Makes me feel more confident that I did the right thing.
Post # 9
This was a bone of contention when I moved in with my dh. He absolutely does not believe in keeping anything from past relationships, and I kept EVERYTHING. After a few disagreements I realized that nothing was worth losing him over- especially old bf’s. So, it all went in the trash! And, I deleted a bunch of old bf’s from my friends on facebook too- just didnt seem appropriate anymore.
Post # 10
I had the same kind of relationship with my EX. A lot of history to throw away. I’ve been weedling it all out of my life for the last 4 years. Darling Husband has been SO patient with me and just ignores stuff when he sees it. Some of it I don’t even realize I have until he asks about it. (“What’s up with the photo album of you and Doofus?” “What photo album??”) But my Darling Husband is very understanding since he has a lot of history too. We just ignore it because in the end the items we keep don’t mean we want to be with that person, they are just fond memories of a part of our lives. And I do make sure to only keep the fond memories! Hopefully I can throw more things away with time, but I’m just not wired that way.
Post # 11
@arancia- ah… facebook lol. I have only had two serious boyfriends. The first I am facebook friends with because we broke up a gazillian years ago (dated for 1 year in hs) and we are friendly now. Fiance has no issue with that at all. the most recent ex I de-friended right after we broke up and just never spoke to after that really. He did try to friend me about a year ago but I knew it would bother Fiance to be facebook friends with him because he was such a huge part of my life RIGHT before Fiance and I were together. So, I just sent him a message back and told him I hoped he was doing really well and was happy and that I was doing great but that my current (then)bf would probably not like me to be facebook friends so I was going to have to say no. I guess I could have just ignored him but that seemed hostile. 🙂
Post # 12
We both have photos from previous relationships, but I don’t think either of us is sentimental enough to hold on any old cards, letters, trinkets, etc. I’ve let all that stuff go a long time ago and not for any other reason then I just don’t want or need it anymore. With that said, if one of us decided to keep something that was a gift from a previous relationship I don’t think either of us would really care. When I met Fiance he had a stack of pictures in the glove compartment of his Jeep (which was only a few months old, and these girls were old news by then, I think they wound up there during a move or something) and there are photos of 2 different ex’s in the pile. To this day, the stack is still in the glove compartment of the Jeep and I drive it most of the time. I have pushed them out of the way to get to the registration or other things I’ve stashed in there and don’t even think twice about them being in there. Stuff like that just doesn’t bother us.
Post # 13
I still have a few cutesy notes from middle and grade school, and a ring from that same period that I just stuck on my keyring and forgot to take off. It really depends on what bothers your SO, but if you just like the sentimental value, keep them. I keep certain things (like a post-it note with nothing even written on it!) just because it reminds me of something.
Post # 14
All that I have from past relationships are a few photos since none of them lasted long enough for mass amounts of photo albums, letters, or jewelry to accumulate . However, (kind of) luckily for me my mother broke up with a long-term bf a couple of years ago and since then has started dating a new man, so I inherited some awesome jewelry that was from the ex (obviously I don’t believe in bad luck being transferred or any of that garbage!)
Post # 15
Yeah…my last serious relationship was really, really important to me. I don’t talk about exes with my Fiance, (never have in any relationship I’m in, unless its about a jerk and we can laugh, hahaha), and I have some jewelry from that love. I cannot part with it. I’ve tried, and I used to feel very conflicted/worried that NOT giving it away would mean I was still in love with the guy, but after deep reflection, I know its just because he was my first grown-up love, and there’s no shame in wanting to keep a piece of that. We both have moved on, and I think my Fiance would NOT be down if we still were friends, and we’re NOT, so I don’t see the harm in having those keepsakes.
Post # 16
I don’t have much stuff from other relationships, because I didn’t have any long-term or really serious relationships before this one! I would not be comfortable with Fiance keeping stuff from his old GFs. I asked him to get rid of old photo albums. I think he took them to his mom’s house, which is fine. So long as they are far away, I don’t care. I can understand keeping them for a future daughter…but I would still feel weird! I would have to think carefully about what to keep…